to pretend I didn't get paid?

(201 Posts)
MariefromStMoritz Wed 27-Mar-13 02:27:08

I feel so naughty writing that, but please hear me out...

Me and DH are really broke right now. I have just returned from Mat Leave and get my first salary in the next few days, probably Friday. DH gets paid on Monday. To give you an indication of how broke we are, I get a free lunch at work, which I have been bringing home to feed us all. I therefore have nothing to eat all day because of it. My last pair of tights got a hole in them yesterday, but I have to wear them today because I have no others. Not only that, but DS desperately needs new shoes, his socks are too small, the baby has hardly any toys or books. Basically, I need to spend some money on us.

So the in-laws are coming to stay for a long weekend. They are quite well-off, but hardly ever put their hands in their pockets. They are notoriously mean. Consequently, we pay for everything. It is partly our fault, because we always feel obliged to take them out, etc. But then you don't want to sit on the sofa for 4 days. It invariably ends up costing us a fortune when they stay here which is why I am thinking...

If I get paid on Friday, pretending that I didn't. Is that really bad? I just don't want to have to spend all my money on food, petrol, etc. then have nothing left for us. This will mean that they will have to pay for anything we do, which I feel bad about. But we did tell them it was a bad time to come as I had just gone back to work, so not much money (amongst other things), but they wanted to come anyway.

AIBU?

Is dh too proud to tell his parents you are struggling?

This time I think you will have to lie, but you do need a time for a quiet non judgy chat with him.

Unless of course you spend loads on your parents?

What have you got in the cupboard to feed them?

Planetofthedrapes Wed 27-Mar-13 07:14:51

Also, if push comes to shove, just say that your salary has been earmaked for shoes, petrol, food, tights and socks and you can only afford say £10 for the weekend.

SkinnybitchWannabe Wed 27-Mar-13 07:18:20

I really think your dh needs to wake up and stop hiding the truth.
They're his parents afterall.
If he cant man up and you can't just be honest with them use the great advice given here.
Lie through your teeth about 'finding' a tenner so you can get a few meals (quorn mince can be abit cheaper than beef and value pasta is dirt cheap)
I really do think you should be completely honest and tell them you're skint..if they don't want to contribute then they should stay at home.

LisasCat Wed 27-Mar-13 07:18:59

Buy that jar of pasta sauce and tell DH you borrowed a fiver off a friend to do so. Perhaps tell him that in front of his parents. That should drive home the seriousness of the situation.
I'm worried that, as a PP said, you sound like you're talking yourself into spending this money, finding obstacles to everything suggested here. I suspect that, as you said, you are as much a liability to this money as he is. Leave your card at work. Tell them all you've not been paid.

CinnabarRed Wed 27-Mar-13 07:19:33

If you're going to lie, then you have to stick to the lie ridgidly. As things are so very tight, I'm sure your DH would be suspicious of mysteriously finding £10 in your handbag or down the sofa.

However, one possibility might be to say that HR contacted you to say that, as a new starter/returning employee, there's been a payroll cock up this month, that you'll be paid immediately after Easter, and that they've subbed you £20 (or whatever) out of petty cash to tide you over in the meantime. I know my employer has done similar in the past.

BenjaminButton172 Wed 27-Mar-13 07:21:02

Have you and your dh sat down together and did a budget? That way you both know how much money you have and how skint you are.

NotMostPeople Wed 27-Mar-13 07:27:09

I understand what you mean by the don't get just how broke you are but why can't you explain this to them? Call them and say that you just want them to be clear that you are only eating one free meal a day at the moment and can't affor any food. You'd love to see them, but they'll have to bring their own food. Then they can choose to come and yes you hide the fact you've been paid or they don't. My PIL came to visit us years ago in similar circumstances and brought tonnes of food including most of their tins cupboard. DH was mortified, but I was very grateful.

AuntieStella Wed 27-Mar-13 07:28:26

Don't lie.

Tell DH that you don't know when you will be paid. You simply cannot even feed guests at the moment. It's not fair to have people as guests and them starve them. DH has to postpone this visit.

Any chance of that working?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Wed 27-Mar-13 07:34:36

Agree with Cinnabar.

However, OP, given bank holidays you probably won't be paid on Friday this month. It may be tomorrow or it may be Tuesday. Can you ask your pay roll people?

Assuming you are in UK, anyway.

Southeastdweller Wed 27-Mar-13 07:34:52

I wouldn't lie. I'd be too worried about the lie backfiring which may cause more problems with them and your DH. Tell them the truth and if they still insist on coming round then fine, but say you can't afford to do anything. They'll probably come anyway but just stick to your guns and don't leave the house so that the message comes through loud and clear.

You need to be stronger and more vocal.

WipsGlitter Wed 27-Mar-13 07:35:15

Well, your baby doesn't 'need' toys and books. Go to the library!

On Friday night do a proper shop, tell PIL you'll have to eat late once you've done the shop.

Fill your tank with petrol - you'll need to anyway. Where do you live? Is public transport not an option?

FamiliesShareGerms Wed 27-Mar-13 07:36:13

What SEDweller said

Pozzled Wed 27-Mar-13 07:41:10

What would/will your DH do if your pay doesn't come through? Do you (as a family) actually have any money that you can access now?

If I were you, I would talk to your DH now and tell him that you're not sure if you will be paid on time. Ask him what he plans to do in that case. And at the same time, make a budget for next month, covering the bare essentials - food, shoes for DS, bills. Show him (and yourself) that even if it does come in, your money is needed- it cannot be spent on entertainment.

If you can't get through to your DH that way, then lie and leave your wallet at work as others have suggested.

If they are incapable of understanding even when spelt out to them then yes just lie.

I don't think you should lie because then they wont get it next time, they will see it as a one off thing and think that you will be fine when you are paid - which you are not. Be honest and do as poster above said - beans on toast/ jacket potatoes/ pasta etc for dinner. No trips to anywhere you have to pay, just local country park or beach or whatever is near you and free.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Wed 27-Mar-13 07:51:10

Exactly Pozzled. As a new returner there might be a pay roll cock up that means this is something that needs a plan.

leeloo1 Wed 27-Mar-13 07:56:11

Is there a local park you can walk to? If so then going there can be the entertainment for both mornings. If they ask to use the car say 'I'm sorry I need the petrol to get to work on Monday'.

Go home for lunch - try and get economy bread, pasta, cheese spread etc.

Good luck and don't feel YABU for saying you don't have money - you don't.

You won't be paid on Friday if you're in the UK. It's a bank holiday. I was due to be paid then (last friday of the month) and our payroll department had to jiggle things so we were paid last week because of it. What have your employers said?

Glenrosa Wed 27-Mar-13 08:04:50

" The thing is, I am not really protecting my money from them, I am protecting int from myself. I know that if I have money, I will have to buy nice dinners, etc. I couldn't not. I will feel obliged. Also, I will have to buy petrol all weekend which isn't cheap. Like this evening, DH wants to pick them up from the airport but I am worried I won't have enough fuel to get to work tomorrow. I think they should get a taxi. "

You most certainly do not have to buy nice dinners & petrol! What you do have to do is prioritise your children, buy socks and food for a week for them. Tell your ILs either not to come or give them a list of groceries and ask them to pick them up on their way.

Inertia Wed 27-Mar-13 08:08:37

Could you borrow ten pounds from someone at work / a friend? You probably won't get paid on Friday anyway as it is a bank holiday .

Flisspaps Wed 27-Mar-13 08:12:40

Agree with those saying you won't be paid on Friday if you're in the UK.

I would expect you be paid on Thursday (it's very unusual to be paid late) as will DH as Monday is also a Bank Holiday here.

PurplePidjin Wed 27-Mar-13 08:18:12

Be completely blunt - I'd love to go to the <expensive museum> but if we do that then <dc name> will have to wear a ripped, stained, too small jumper next term - and guilt trip them!

INeedThatForkOff Wed 27-Mar-13 08:20:10

What about laying it on the line with DH in front of his parents? Argue if necessary - it would take the hide of a rhino for them still to expect you to stump up for their entertainment.

Also, will the money be in your own account? In which case surely you will have to physically be there for it to be sent, in which case, say it all again.

I really think you should take your DCs to buy the shoes and socks they need this weekend.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Wed 27-Mar-13 08:23:29

Fliss, I agree it's more likely to be early than late, and same for DH.

Op I would check today as if you haven't worked a full month yet, I have known situations where the first pay comes after the first full month (eg you get paid for six weeks at the end of month 2 not two weeks at the end of month 1). As things are so tight you and DH should really know what days you get what, regardless of PIL. If you both get paid tomorrow, things will be much easier I suspect.

BTW, I think there is a "for free" thread on MN somewhere - might be worth a look for you?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Wed 27-Mar-13 08:24:42

Good idea Fork - a PIL outing to the shoe shop!

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