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To give them NOTHING for their wedding?

(263 Posts)
ariane5 Tue 26-Mar-13 20:27:59

SIL has owed us money for years-repeated attempts have been made to get her to repay but she rarely does, MIL is same AND BIL.

It is an ongoing issue and I've posted before about it.

SIL is getting married soon (huge lavish event £££) and sent us an invite-within which was a request for no present just cash in a card....

She still owes me £310 so I said to dh I am not giving them a penny.

Its bad enough I have to go to the wedding as can't stand any of dh family BUT dcs like their aunty and I can understand dh wants to see his little sister get married although I draw the line at giving the greedy sods any money. DH says he would but I have said over my dead body.

AIBU?

WallyBantersJunkBox Tue 26-Mar-13 21:43:36

Don't give a cash gift and eat a sh*tload of vol au vents. (About £260 worth)

Is it a hotel stay? Can you get a luxury room at the venue, with room service, and tell reception on departure to invoice the happy couple?

ubik Tue 26-Mar-13 21:44:41

ooooh i love a good wedding thread

Give the bastards NOTHING etc etc

simplesusan Tue 26-Mar-13 21:54:15

No present or cash just a card.

If they mention the lack of a gift smile sweetly and tell them that you will write off the debt as a gift. I would do this as it is unlikely you will ever see the money owed to you again.

Agree about checking who is paying for bridesmaids dresses etc. Don't let them lumber you with a bill.

Viviennemary Tue 26-Mar-13 21:58:25

I wouldn't go. She should pay you back the money. Have nothing to do with her till she is shamed into it. I'd feel like telling everyone who asked me the reason I wasn't going to the wedding. But I wouldn't have the nerve to do this.Let your DH sort it out with his sister if your DC's are set on beng flowergirls. I'd be too angry about the money to be even civil to her I'm afraid.

Euphemia Tue 26-Mar-13 22:00:49

Give them nothing. Greedy feckers. YANBU

Euphemia Tue 26-Mar-13 22:02:02

I wouldn't be writing off £310! I'd be suggesting they give me the debt they owe me from the wedding money they get.

ariane5 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:06:58

We need the £310!

Every week its a struggle to find ten pounds dof dd1 school lunches/pay for school trips etc. Time and time again I have offered them the opportunity to even repay 5 pounds a week but they ignore me.

MIL instructed me to not contact SIL about it as it was "stressing her out" and said she would repay it but hasn't bothered.They clearly want me to drop it and I can't.

ariane5 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:07:50

For not dof!?!

Yfronts Tue 26-Mar-13 22:14:41

Buy them a bottle of champagne and attach a card saying 'wishing you a wonderful future together. Here's a special bottle of something to celebrate. Rather then give money directly, DH and I have decided it would be much better to wipe clean the 300 debt. It may seem a bit naff but it makes good sense. All our love and best wishes xx and xx'.

Then go and enjoy the day and have fun

shrinkingnora Tue 26-Mar-13 22:21:33

Here's how you can pay me now
Cause I need the cash you stupid cow
Spend a bit less on Wedding cake
And as for flowers, they can be fake

How about doing toasts with water?
and for bridesmaids you can choose one daughter
Walk to church and wear a sack
Just pay the fucking money back

Euphemia Tue 26-Mar-13 22:22:36

Nora grin

sue52 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:22:41

As you need the cash back, write a note saying you have reduced their debt by £50 and they can pay the other £260 after their honeymoon. You can't afford to drop it and £300 is too generous a gift in your circumstances.It is a sorry state of affairs that SIL is having a lavish wedding while you are owed money by her andyou can't afford to pick up your glasses from the optician

sue52 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:23:42

Or Nora's poem will tell them for sure.

ariane5 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:25:44

That made me laugh so much I woke ds2 (was bf him)!!!!

I REALLY want to use one of those poems, but I'd have to be there when she read it to see the look on her face!!

shrinkingnora Tue 26-Mar-13 22:27:13

Sorry DS2!

grovel Tue 26-Mar-13 22:28:16

You owe me three hundred
You cheeky young mare
I'll write off your debt
I really don't care

ariane5 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:30:36

I am so bitter about it, couple of weeks ago when DH told me she had gone wedding dress shopping I cried.

Our wedding last June was on a very small budget (reception at home, buffet etc) we just had NO money. To hear about SIL extravagant plans makes my blood boil and the invitation with all its extra bits like wishing well money request, menu for us to choose from (about 4 choices for each course-v expensive sounding) I just couldn't believe it.

I know I sound jealous I can't help it.

ariane5 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:32:18

Ha ha grovel, at this rate I can give her a beautiful hand written book of bespoke poetry !

nkf Tue 26-Mar-13 22:34:41

The wine and write off debt note sounds good. I think you have to let it go. Hopefully, you won't have to pay for the outfits.

Southeastdweller Tue 26-Mar-13 22:35:00

She doesn't deserve the dirt from one of your shoes, let alone money as a wedding gift.

I'm feeling a little hurt for you that your husband disagrees - why isn't he supporting you?

SanityClause Tue 26-Mar-13 22:36:14

Why do you have to do what MIL says?

Not having the money is stressing you out.

Keep asking for the money from SIL, every time she gets paid, if you know when that is, or the end of the month, which is when most people get paid. Also mention that, as she hopes to receive quite a lot of cash as wedding presents, that it will be a good opportunity for her to pay you back, then. Do it before the wedding.

Don't let your MIL make you feel guilty - SIL should feel guilty as she's the one who owes you money, and is choosing to spend it on herself, rather than paying her debts.

grovel Tue 26-Mar-13 22:40:03

Your nuptials are vulgar, expensive and kitsch
You still owe me hundreds you selfish young bitch

your dh sounds like a sap tbh.
he's lending money out left right and centre to sil and she doesn't pay it back? he knows this would happen - you don't live with someone all your life without knowjng something like thst (their attitude about money)

talk to your sil. tell her you need her to pay thst mobey back and that you are happy to attend their wedding but you will not be paying towards the bridesmaids' oitfits nor giving s gift.

ariane5 Tue 26-Mar-13 22:42:37

I keep asking SIL now ignores my texts/calls. MIL said she would take debt over from SIL due to it stressing her out, she paid me 30pounds about 2 months ago reducing it to 310 but since then has ignored me (and 2 weeks ago changed her mobile number so I can't text anymore)

They have a million excuses "we are waiting for a cheque to clear then will pay you" "we had to pay for xyz for one of the children" (sil has 2 daughters) etc etc etc.

Dh is a lot better now about all this but still a bit of a wimp when it comes to his family (hence them taking the piss for years and borrowing so much). I can't even trust him with his own bank card.

He still sees them/speaks to them.I havnt seen them in ages so not even sure what any plans are for the day. I avoid going to MIL house as she is just a bitch to me and its all I can do to bite my tongue and not tell her where to go.

expatinscotland Tue 26-Mar-13 22:47:20

WHY did you give her money you couldn't afford? Fuck that! And fuck writing off her debt with a bottle of champers on top.

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