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To think that my DH is a selfish fucking shit head?

(83 Posts)
WiltedSpinach Mon 25-Mar-13 14:56:28

I withdrew an application for a less stressful job today as on Friday DH said he would be a SAHD so I could carry on doing the job that I have. (He's currently unemployed.) I was going for the other job as I have MH issues and I couldn't cope with doing the running around after the children AND my current role, but I've been managing really well since he has been at home as I can do my job so long as I'm not doing the rest.

As this was all decided, I withdrew my application this morning, happy that I can carry on doing my job with his support.

He's just called me to tell me he's accepted a job and will start on Tuesday and its an early start in the opposite direction to where we live and where the kids go to school and nursery, so I'll have to go back to running around after the children and getting them out in the morning and home and fed in the evening. Its not even a great job, its fucking warehouse work earning only just over fucking minimum wage and he didn't even ask me first, he said yes and then called me with a fait accomplis.

I am angry and really upset in equal measure. If he had said he was going to take a job as soon as it was offered, there is no way I would have withdrawn my application, but he PROMISED. He fucking well PROMISED me he would stay at home and support me.

I don't actually give a shit if you think I'm being U for calling him a selfish fucking shit head, because he fucking well is.

BOEUF Mon 25-Mar-13 15:02:31

He needs to tell them he has reconsidered. Ridiculous.

Tallyra Mon 25-Mar-13 15:08:53

YANBU. He sounds like a selfish idiot.

What on earth was he thinking? Really, what was his logic?

DoJo Mon 25-Mar-13 15:16:49

That sounds incredibly frustrating and YANBU, but you do need to work out where to go from here. What is the likely response from him if you insist that he doesn't take the job? Could this job lead to a better one for him which would allow you to hire help or even stay at home?

SoftKittyWarmKitty Mon 25-Mar-13 15:17:07

You're right, he's a selfish shithead. He must have known his job was a possibility before you withdrew your application. Why the fuck didn't he discuss it first?! Tbh I think this smacks of control (his, over you).

Can you put your application back in again?

My DH is a SAHD at the moment.

I would fucking kill him if he did this. He wouldn't though, because he's not an imbecile.

YANBU. At all. He needs to call them and tell them he cannot accept. Unless he is suggesting you quit your job and be the SAHP? (Not that I think this is acceptable BTW!)

Why cant HE do the running around with the kids in the evening and help out?

If you both work, you need to split the rest 50 /50 Clearly he will understand that?

He planned this did he not? He did not want you to take a less stressful job with less pay probably...

Now you just have to become a sahm and HE will have to support your family financially, or what?

Ask him if that is what he planned?

CherylTrole Mon 25-Mar-13 15:23:59

YADNBU Seems he has changed his mind about being a SAHD. You really dont need this stress, feel for you OP.

StuntGirl Mon 25-Mar-13 15:39:41

You're quite right OP, he's a selfish shit head. He must have known this job was a possibility, or that he would snap up a job the minute it came up. So why on earth did he promise you he would become a SAHD? He needs to explain himself to you. I would be furious, not at his decision neccessarily, but at the lack of discussion and courtesy of keeping you in the loop.

Carolra Mon 25-Mar-13 15:40:02

In total agreement. You are not being unreasonable. Ask him what childcare arrangements he's made as you won't be there to do the nursery/school run either.

WiltedSpinach Mon 25-Mar-13 15:40:34

No, I can't put the application back in, its too late. The closing date was this morning and they won't accept it. I can't become a SAHM either. I earn enough to support the family without him working. He doesn't. Even if we moved / downsized / sold all our worldly posessions, he wouldn't earn enough to fucking well support us.

Why can't he do the running around in the evenings? Because we only have one fucking car as my insurance is criminal as I am on a temporary license due to my illness, so unless he's going to cycle 10 miles from where he works and somehow pick up the kids on his bike he can't do the pick up and drop off.

Why? Why fucking well do this? He promised me, he fucking well PROMISED me that he would do the childcare. That was the whole fucking reason I withdrew my application.

Now I'm say in work, in tears again because just the thought of it going back to how it was is giving my an anxiety attack.

WOW what a waste of space shock

What on earth are you doing with someone who's so careless & selfish? It sounds like it's making you feel like shit!

yes, he promised you.

He also bullshitted you...

Altinkum Mon 25-Mar-13 15:48:26

Can't you get a childminder say for a few days so your not doing it all, and do breakfast club etc...

He promised so he has to. Isn't that how it works? Or, is it his way or no way? It does sound abusive, sorry. If you said, "no, you promised to be the SAHP, you can't take the job" what would be the reaction?

WiltedSpinach Mon 25-Mar-13 15:54:56

The eldest has before and after school care and the youngest does nursery from 8:30-5. Still need to pick them up.

I don't think its abusive. I think he's just a shit head.

I should have known as before I got ill and was struggling, I'd asked him if he'd become a SAHD as he hated his job. Then he said he'd rather work as he didn't want to do the kids thing.

This time HE suggested it, not me, so I thought he actually meant it. Then first sniff at a job and he's off. His reasoning is that he's being taken on as a temp, with the prospect of FT work. How Bloody marvellous for him.

Didn't want to do the kids thing hmm

Why did he change his mind...(then change back).
Was it lip service?

How has he reasoned the fact he didn't ask you or let you know before you cancelled your application?

You're ill, having anxiety attacks, you dread work, you want to downsize and found a way to do it. Your 'D'H suggests that he will take some of the burden and for you to stay in your job. The moment you agree and burn your bridges, he backtracks and magically pulls a job out of his arse. You are expected to go along with this (I have no idea why you can't just say, "no, you promised").

It neighs and has a mane, I hear horses (abuse). If you want to call it a zebra, it's your life and you know best. Your DH is controlling your actions like this, causing you physical symptoms and breaking promises, knowing you are ill.

I can see why he's want to take it if he doesn't like the idea of being a SAHD but

a.) Don't offer in the first place...

B.) Tell your bloody DW before grabbing it, especially as you know she's retracted a bloody application for you, you inconsiderate twunt

Sorry but I'm [anrgy] on your behalf!

What mrs t said ^

It reeks of power play, especially as you're ill.

* angry - So angry that I couldn't type properly grin

I am with MrsT here.

The horses neigh loud and clear. Now cows or giant pandas around that I can see.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 25-Mar-13 16:11:57

Tell him he was mad to accept the job as no way will he manage to do all the family stuff, get them to school and be on time. Suggest he reconsiders as not fair on dc. Then see what his reaction is.

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