To be frustrated and angry that women are still expected to be the "emotion keepers" in families.

(447 Posts)
seeker Sun 24-Mar-13 10:07:29

And if we don't stop doing it, our daughters will still be thinking they are responsible for "keeping men sweet" in 30 years time?

thebody Sun 24-Mar-13 10:51:30

If you love someone you support and comfort them.

Man, woman or child. That's being human.

Nothing to do with sex.

StuffezLaBouche Sun 24-Mar-13 10:51:56

Though I agree there is an implication in your OP that ALL women live like this.

blackeyedsusan Sun 24-Mar-13 10:52:28

yanbu. each person is responsible for their own emotions/ equally responsible in a relationship to do things that will make the other happy.

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 10:53:22

*Women are expected to smooth things over, to keep everybody happy. To put their own needs last. To be responsible for other people's moods and emotions.
To find subtle ways to make men engage in perfectly reasonable family and domestic arrangements. To trick them into doings he right thing, like toddlers....*

I'm glad that you have explained it, but I certainly wouldn't do it-I know some men who have to walk on eggshells around wives -they often put it down to PMT -whether that is true or not I don't know.
Part of the problem maybe women wanting men to do things their way, under their supervision.

countrykitten Sun 24-Mar-13 10:53:34

She may be right about SOME people and SOME relationships and that particular forum is full of people asking for help for various reasons. I would not presume to make sweeping generalisations about women as a whole from one relationship (problems) forum!

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 10:54:58

Life has taught me (from an early age) that you are responsible for your own problems-if it is not your problem then don't take ownership.

In our house it is the opposite. DH believes " happy wife, happy house" and takes care of business accordingly.
It works for us grin

ItsallisnowaFeegle Sun 24-Mar-13 10:57:16

I think I understand what you're getting at but I'm not sure I agree with some of your explaining.

For instance, my DP would never think to see to the baby who starts to cry every single time we sit down to eat, I always see to the baby but it's not because I'm expected to, it's because DP can be an emotionally immature penis who would quite happily allow baby to cry until he'd finished eating (DP is finding his feet when it comes to being a dad and being part of family life).

I often feel the need to subtly suggest to dp that not everything is my responsibility. However, that doesn't mean I'm the keeper of emotions. We are learning how to be a family and as I already have dd (15yrs) I've had more experience.

As for seeing to the baby at meal times, I'll continue with that, DP might cry if he needs to postpone his own feeding time wink

Latara Sun 24-Mar-13 10:58:44

I don't know if this is relevant but an older female relative has told me that i don't have a boyfriend because i refuse to ''dumb down, act flirty & helpless,'' & i'm ''too opinionated''......

Latara Sun 24-Mar-13 10:59:42

Obviously i refuse to do that - i would like a boyfriend who accepts me as i am, or none at all.

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 11:00:19

It is houses with 3 or more DDs where the father appears to have the problem-keeping everyone 'sweet'-or more keeping the peace.

countrykitten Sun 24-Mar-13 11:00:29

Feegle what a charming way to describe your DP. Presumably you are ok with him referring to you as a patronising vagina?

flippinada Sun 24-Mar-13 11:00:56

I understand what you're getting at seeker.

Of course its not universal but there's a lot of truth in what you say.

countrykitten Sun 24-Mar-13 11:01:19

Latara you stick to your guns.

janey68 Sun 24-Mar-13 11:02:54

If you read the relationships thread on Mums net then of course you're likely to see evidence of women who are having issues in their relationships. The clue is in the name of the forum.
That doesn't mean there aren't men out there who experience the same issues- tiptoeing around their wife and trying to keep her happy. It's just that they probably offload elsewhere, or bottle it up and don't share.

PeachActiviaMinge Sun 24-Mar-13 11:04:03

"Women are expected to smooth things over, to keep everybody happy. To put their own needs last. To be responsible for other people's moods and emotions. "

Sounds like my DH he's expected to do this for everyone in his family. Don't generalize it happens to men too. There is a feminist section for you to enjoy arguing your usual rubbish in smile

Chandon Sun 24-Mar-13 11:04:17

Feegle, that does not sound amusing, though you try to make light of it. Sounds like he is being a dick, and you shrug it off. Shame.

flippinada Sun 24-Mar-13 11:04:28

Have I got it right...?

Women are expected to be naturally good at all the caring stuff, and responsible for keeping everyone happy, while at the same while men are allowed/expected to be more selfish and please themselves.

Is that what you mean?

flippinada Sun 24-Mar-13 11:04:55

At the same time, not at the same while.

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 11:04:58

If there is any truth it is often because the woman insists on making herself 'senior' parent and won't simply go out for a couple of hours and leave DH with a 2 week old baby. By the time she wants to relinquish a bit of control he has got used to referring everything to her. I'm not sure that is anything to do with keeping sweet though.

seeker Sun 24-Mar-13 11:05:59

Oh dear- I forgot to mention that obviously this is an issue for men too. <huntingvainlyforsarcasm/ironyemoticon emoticon>

HollyBerryBush Sun 24-Mar-13 11:06:13

It is houses with 3 or more DDs where the father appears to have the problem-keeping everyone 'sweet'-or more keeping the peace.

So men are crap peacekeepers now when living all that oestrogen?

All I can say is, get a shed

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

exoticfruits Sun 24-Mar-13 11:07:44

I think so flippinada. Had she posted in the feminist section she would have got more agreement-they generally seem to be living with useless, selfish, emotionally retarded men and assume that other people do too. They also seem incapable of changing it.

We keep each other sweet in this house, it's just looking after each other isn't it? I couldn't live in a situation where I constantly sacrificed myself to keep dp happy,I wouldn't be happy, so where does that leave you?

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