To tell you all I'm having an absolute freak out.

[Ohdeargod1]

I'm due to have DC#2 in a week or so.

A friend came round this morning with her baby girl (about 7 months) and all DS1 did was snatch toys, hit and push her. He's 22 months.

I'm shitting myself. Absolutely shitting myself. He's an amazing little boy and we absolutely adore him - and wouldn't change his little personality for the world. However...despite my best efforts I'm still 'that mum' that people tut at in baby group.

How the hell am I going to keep it all together? I'm just not am I?

[IslaValargeone]

You'll be fine.
I presume you are intervening when he does these things, rather than sit there letting him 'express himself'?

[TheOrchardKeeper]

That sounds fairly normal!!

As long as you make sure you're telling him now, removing it if he needs it etc then he will get it...eventually. Took my DS 6 months of me being persistent (he'd reached 2 when he started the hitting phase) & eventually it petered out. I'd get in there straight away, tell him to say sorry (or say sorry for him), say the other party was hurt by him then if he had said sorry, let him carry o playing and if he hadn't or was getting very wound up I'd remove him until he was calm.

It sounds mind numbing but it works.

Sorry you got the short straw...some of us have to deal with quite bad 'phases' compared to others. Those who have the most luck sometimes just don't realize it so don't beat yourself up & just keep doing what you're doing.

You'll forget he ever went through it eventually

[Ohdeargod1]

Oh yes but for some reason it doesn't seem to sink in...I'm sitting him on a naughty step for two minutes and then he repeatedly says "sorry mummy,". I'm not sure what else to do so any tips at all would be welcomed!

[littlemissbunny]

There is a 20 month age gap between my boys and I was worried as my eldest could be a bit rough!

But he was absolutely fine with him, he was protective over him and looked after him it was actually really cute!

They are 5 and 7 now and have their arguments but they do get on well too and it's still sweet to watch them.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

You're doing great then. No one said it was a miracle cure!

If he does it again in succession, without much of a pause at all then I used to find just leaving or only concentrating on the other person's kid until DS was playing nicely (at which point I'd praise him & switch my attention back straight away) worked. Again, it does sound a bit wishy washy but does usually work eventually. My DS quite quickly realized that it was hometime if he pushed it (though he was older so it might take longer & it depends on the DC obviously).

I hope it passes sooner rather than later for you...it's not nice having the 'thug' of the nursery as one rude woman once loudly stated!

[YouTheCat]

Show him how to be gentle and a big brother? Make him feel included - fetching a clean nappy etc? Plenty of praise.

And never leave him alone with baby for a second or he will have the newborn up on ebay as soon as you can say 'breast pads'.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

He is acting first, thinking after, 22 months is still little and you are going to be able to hold it all together and be a great mum, have no doubt.

You'll become adept at being a coiled spring, on the look out for any sign of throwing his weight about. Keep him close by for cuddles and a nice couple of books handy, no shame in having a DVD on while you feed newborn and DS is beside you. When out with baby, keep an eye on him, if need be plonk baby with nearest adult while you sort out toddler. As long as you don't look like your're ignoring untoward goings on, other parents and carers will cut you some slack.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

(we also had 'gentle hands'..which involved me doing all of the above then before he went back to play I'd encourage him to stroke me/something in sight that he liked. Sounds nutty but he did start just using 'gentle hands' as he called it. I think that was created out of desperation and as a way to show him how to nicely touch things/people in a way that he could process...as saying 'be nice' to a toddler has no real meaning)

[raisah]

I bought a cheap travel cot with mesh sides and put my daughter in there if I had to leave her alone. My son is like yours and would attack her at any opportunity.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Fab tip about "Gentle!" or "Gentle hands" TheOrchardKeeper I'd forgotten that.

[CookieLady]

I second what YoutheCat has said about making him feel involved and lots of praise. I also had a little present from the baby to give DS1 when they met for the first time. My DS1 loves helping get his baby brother changed and fed. It makes him feel very grown up.

[SPBInDisguise]

He's not even 2! My Ds was the same before dd was born then when she was born he amazed me. I slept downstairs with her for the first week or so and when he heard her cry during the morning nappy change he'd hurtle down the stairs to hold her hand.
Ahhhh...no my baby days are OVER

[maddening]

Also your newborn is not going to playing with dc1's toys - he will be used to her by then and will love her lots :)

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Hope you're feeling a little less anxious about it all OP?

most people go through it at some point...even if there's no new baby!

[Badvoc]

Get him involved if he wants to be.
Lost and lots of praise.
DO NOT expect him to behave like an older child.
He is still a baby himself!
Best of luck x

[Ohdeargod1]

Thanks everyone for your lovely kind words of encouragement and advice.

I already (daily) verge on mental breakdown so I'm really starting to freak out re. new baby - but it is really good to know others have survived it.

I've started 'gentle hands' - fab idea! The travel cot idea is a great one too - going to get that sorted. It's just somewhere safe to pop the baby isn't it? Oh God I can't even remember what to do with a new baby.

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Badvoc]

Ha!
Within about an hour it will all come flooding back...
I have 5.5 years between mine so I was pretty worried too! :)
Ds1 was/is wonderful with ds2 and has been from day 1.
DON'T PANIC!!
:)