To be funding it hard to bite my tongue re weaning

(117 Posts)
HugeFloweryPants Wed 20-Mar-13 22:43:39

I accepted a long time ago that a friend and I parent differently and am quite happy with that, horses for courses. I breastfeed and go with the flow and she's a routine queen with 4 hour bottles etc. BUT I'm finding it hard to bite my tongue now we're on our second babies regarding weaning, she's well informed/ educated but has a big baby that 'needs' early weaning...but it's taken to extremes...
7/8 weeks baby rice
8 weeks rusks at bed time (trying to keep 4 hrs between bottles)
now 10 weeks
morning: eg porridge powder stuff
dinner: eg powdered meal by heinz (not seen but described)
tea: rusk

...and today exclaiming he's dropped a few centiles

I know I lentil weave a tad...but give me perspecrive, surely this is outside the norm and not a good idea? Mine would have been unfeedable then due to tongue thrusting.Or am I just not used to this as I've never bought ready made baby food?

MiaowTheCat Thu 21-Mar-13 14:23:55

I'm amazed. No one's done the I'd ring social services melodrama thing yet.

Since kids don't come with a handy manual from the actual manufacturer as of yet, and the guidance is collected research, guesswork and premptimg stupidity- I trust my friends to make the correct decisions for their children. Sometimes they're probably not- but no one has all the answers and people also have the right to find their own path.

I would have been pissed at you for bugging her over the colostrum thing tho btw, because that did show you weren't respecting her choices even then.

BearFrills Thu 21-Mar-13 14:04:44

Yes! That's the one, thanks tiggy smile

tiggytape Thu 21-Mar-13 13:58:10

BearFrills - that is the EAT study
It isn't strictly full weaning as babies must be breastfed too but solids are introduced from 12 weeks onwards. The theory is that so many food allergies are a result of late weaning and late introduction of 'risky' foods like nuts and fish that perhaps it is better to actually introduce these foods much earlier than we currently do in the UK.

The EAT study will follow children who have these foods introduced from 3 months onwards until they are 3 to see if the theory is correct

BearFrills Thu 21-Mar-13 13:50:41

As an aside, when DD was born in 2011 I got a letter from some university in London (can't remember the name) asking me if I'd like to take part in a research project about weaning. To take part I had to be willing to start weaning at 12wks and the project was going to last several years.

I'm guessing someone somewhere is conducting research into the weaning guidelines.

TrishkanOEUFak Thu 21-Mar-13 13:47:11

IBS even, not INS.

TrishkanOEUFak Thu 21-Mar-13 13:46:12

My partner was weaned at 8 weeks on spaghetti bolognese whizzed up in a food processor. He now has severe INS and other digestive issues. I was 4 months (not sure how many weeks, mum didn't write it down), started on pureed fruit and veg and am fine. Not conclusive undeniable evidence of course, but then again neither is "I weaned mine at 10 weeks and they're fine".

I wouldn't say anything to a friend if they were weaning early, despite not liking it personally it really wouldn't be any of my business. But I would think she was wrong to do it.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Thu 21-Mar-13 13:39:35

Why anyone would want to wean early is beyond me. I found it incredibly stressful (and still do, even though DD is 1 now) worrying about what to feed her, how much, was anything going in, what to do when she decides to eat nothing but yoghurt for a week, cleaning up the highchair after every meal, trying to get her to use a spoon and not feed the dog...the days when I just plugged her onto the boob were much easier!

meddie Thu 21-Mar-13 13:31:31

both mine had mush at 3 months as was the current guidelines at the time, I have pictured of my DD at 6 months in her high chair munching a slice of pizza. Neither have bowel issues or eczema or asthma. Times change, guidelines change. In a few years the advice will probably change again. I really wouldnt get that worked up about it.

Pigsmummy Thu 21-Mar-13 13:17:24

Leave her to it, baby is happy and fed. Don't say anything

HugeFloweryPants Thu 21-Mar-13 13:12:30

I'm the op,

a lot of being who are saying they did it early did it at 4-5 months, fair enough, I don't have issue with that really (though it's not my choice) but this is a baby less that half that age! At 4 month they have reasonable head control and possibly no tongue thrust reflux. Looking at dd at 7/8 weeks her head is still unstable and I wonder how she'd swallow...

Yfronts Thu 21-Mar-13 11:54:04

Thank goodness people are starting to understand more about health and diet these days. There is such an obvious link.

Yfronts Thu 21-Mar-13 11:51:49

She is obviously not well informed. She would know about the problems associated with early weaning if that was the case and would wait till 6 months.

I was weaned at 4 months. My DCs were too.

However, milk was still the main food for quite a while afterwards, which seems to be the line taken by the advice to "introduce foods". DCs ate what DP and I ate, with obvious exceptions such as honey under the age of 1, etc.

DD disgustingly healthy. DS has a mild bowel issue which he is growing out of. Can't say his bowl problem is related to the weaning, as many of my family (both Dad's and Mum's) have been diagnosed with bowel disorders, and he may have developed this anyway regardless of when he weaned. I haven't developed any bowel disorders, I have mild hayfever, specific to oil seed rape, and an allergy to nickel, otherwise I am healthy.

I guess other factors may always have an influence.

MoominmammasHandbag Thu 21-Mar-13 11:28:20

Just anecdotal but I was FF and weaned at 6 weeks. I have completely healthy guts, eat anything.
DD was EBF to 14 months, first tastes of food at 6 months. At 17 she has big IBS problems controlled by medication, is also lactose intolerent and often has reactions to other seemingly random foods.
I think a lot more research needs to be done.

dollyindub Thu 21-Mar-13 11:25:52

I was a huge baby, 11lb 3oz. My mum was young when she had me and was breast feeding, but then my Irish granny swooped in and told my mum that I was crying because I was hungry and promptly fed me baby rice in a bottle.
At 2 weeks old hmm

However my mum said I thrived on it, I was weaned early and thankfully I don't have any problems now.
I don't think YABU to be concerned, but it's her child and he/she will probably be fine. If there are any problems they will be picked up by healthcare professionals anyway.

BearFrills Thu 21-Mar-13 11:24:43

Anyway- you do what you want to do with your children and don't judge others for their choices. Weaning early does not make you a bad mother.

This.

The 'rules' are not one size fits all and, like adults, babies are all individuals with individual needs. What is right for one is not always right for another and when you boil parenting down to the bare bones we're all just doing the best we can, as well as we can.

DS was started on mush at 15wks. He was demand-fed but was pounding 8oz of milk and screaming for more however he couldn't physically hold more, he'd just sick up the excess. Around 4pm-ish was the worst time. He'd have a feed around 3:30pm, then want another one by 4pm, then another by 4:30pm. We tried splitting feeds, offering slightly less but more often, and so on. It was our GP suggested giving him food so we did, once a day at tea time a small amount of food after his milk. He was much happier for it. It had nothing to do with him sleeping through (he'd been doing that since 6wks) or wanting to rush ahead, it was what fit him.

DD was the complete opposite. She was BF but I very quickly lost my milk as she was sleeping through from birth and going 3-4 hours between feeds during the day then only feeding for a short time. She's a dinky little thing and just doesn't eat much. Even when we switched to FF at around 5-6wks she was only having 3oz every 3-5 hours (demand-fed also) and sleeping all night. We tried her with food at 5mo on the advice of the HV, to try get more calories into her, and she was having none of it. We tried again at 6mo and she had lots of choking issues as she refused to chew and just swallowed everything whole including an entire piece of broccoli! We tried again at 7mo with mush which she grudgingly accepted then at 9mo she decided table food was much more to her liking. It wasn't until she was around a year old that she actually started eating a full three meals a day and even now the equivalent of 2-3 tablespoons of food is enough to satisfy her.

They're all different and while YANBU to have your opinion, and to silently judge if that is your want, YABU to say anything. Her baby, her rules. She's breaking no laws.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 21-Mar-13 11:22:00

I don't think SIDS is promoted as much as it should be. But as for the co-sleeping, research changes and is updated all the time. Now they recommend a dummy and cot bumpers have been taken off the risk list (as far as I'm aware).

It's very difficult to get rear facing car seats for older children.

Basing what you do now on what people did thirty years ago doesn't make any sense. As a nurse surely you want me to do my job based on the latest research and evidence. Why is bringing up a child different?

Feminine Thu 21-Mar-13 11:16:37

I think we understand more about food allergy than in previous generations.

We are better diagnosed. That is why there appears to be more.

It common sense that a baby will have an immature digestive system surely?

confused if not suggested by a health worker then its not needed IMO.

tiggytape Thu 21-Mar-13 11:14:19

Rear facing car seats until age 2 is another guideline that has come in since mine were born (10 years ago, you just waited until they weighed enough to go forward facing).
There are endless studies that prove this is the best way for toddlers to travel yet few people do it. It is hard to get the proper seats here because the British population shows less demand for them than other countries, they are expensive and most people don't want their 18 months old squashed up in a rear facing seat even though the studies show forward facing is much more dangerous for them.
Are there lots of people all tutting at their friends who let their toddlers travel forward facing even though it is dangerous?

Things change the other way too. 10 years ago co-sleeping was totally banned as far as health professionals were concerned. If your HV found out you were doing it (even by accident - baby coming into bed to feed) you'd get the lecture to end all lectures and another stack of SIDS leaflets. That seems to have changed too now.

MooMooSkit Thu 21-Mar-13 11:12:59

I think YABU to say something but I don't think you are being unreasonable to silently judge. Unless you start seeing signs that the baby is not well, not progressing then I wouldn't say anything if I was you.

I don't think as well the whole thing about what was in the past is relevant. I was born in the mid 80's and was weaned from an early age and have no issues aside from epilepsy which is obviously genetic as both my grandads have it but then obviously there are children weaned early who do have issues so no one really knows what causes these things do they?

I waited till my LO was 6 months though (well, with a try of a mushed up rusk 2 weeks before he turned 6 months)

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 21-Mar-13 11:12:08

I've got IBS, so has my Mum. My brother and I both had eczema as children.

I just don't understand how you can tellian eight week old is ready to wean, what are you basing that on?

Feminine Thu 21-Mar-13 11:08:59

no, choco it doesn't make you a bad mother.

How did you know they were ready? what did they do?

Yes, our generation were weaned earlier. There are masses of people of my age group (40's) that suffer from dreadful bowl problems.

We learn all the time. Things have changed massively since I had my first in '98.

chocoflump Thu 21-Mar-13 11:04:43

Feminine do you know this mother? How do u know that?

I didn't feed my children early to get a better nights sleep or because it was fun. I fed them because I know my children and I know they were ready for weaning.

We were all weaned way before the 6 month stage- why have we not all got bowel problems and intolerances?

Intolerances are actually more common now than they used to be.

Anyway- you do what you want to do with your children and don't judge others for their choices. Weaning early does not make you a bad mother.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 21-Mar-13 11:04:32

chocoflump Thu 21-Mar-13 10:58:19
But it's not her baby!!

The mum knows her child best.

Not the OP! I meant the mum!

So the mum magically knows that her baby needs rusks and baby rice at eight weeks? Despite the fact that babies get their calorie intake from milk not food, and that feeding early can cause gut problems. That a baby waking up overnight is normal, they are suposed to, that they dont need baby rice to fill them up so they don't. That larger babies have the same gut maturity as any others. Did her baby reach out for the rusk? I doubt it.

Mums don't always know best. She is either uninformed in which case she needs to see her HV, or she's choosing to ignore any information she was given. In which case she's an idiot. It's about making informed decisions.

tiggytape Thu 21-Mar-13 11:03:49

There are guidelines about when to change carseats and which way they should face - not everybody obeys them because their children are very tall but light for their age or sick travelling backwards or whatever.

There are guidelines about feeding older children a healthy diet with plenty of fruit and veg and using suitable portion sizes but not everyone obeys them for many reasons or has a child who will not eat what they want them to.

There are guidelines about vaccinations but people make up their own minds on this issue.

Weaning is no different. Many parenting decisions have health implications that have to be weighed up against that family's circumstances / the individual child and the parents' beliefs or wishes. All of us make out own choices and if this woman is well informed she has made hers. It might not be one othes agree with but she is free to do that just as other parents are free to disregard the advice on other issues as many do - not through ignorance but choice.

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