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For not wanting my parents to take DS on holiday?

(105 Posts)
Somermummy1 Sun 17-Mar-13 22:41:16

I know this sounds ungrateful but parents want to take 5 yo DS on holiday with them

If he goes this will be his first holiday abroad, first time on a plane etc etc

AIBU to want to be there when he does those things rather than just hear about it later?

We can't afford summer hols abroad this year which DM keeps reminding me but would you let your parents take your DC on their first foreign holiday ?????

Somermummy1 Mon 18-Mar-13 07:12:10

Why's it being selfish to worry about him being in a different country and being ill, missing his parents/sister, being bored etc and not being able to come home ?

Or like someone has said wandering off for a minute to look at something that grabs his 5yo boy attention and not being able to find his grandparents?

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 07:20:10

You are using a lot of imagination there Somermummy, he might be perfectly well, perfectly happy, interested and not likely to wander off!

It all depends what sort of relationship he has with the grandparents, mine had a home from home with both lots at that age.

threesypeesy Mon 18-Mar-13 07:21:07

I can't decided if yabu/yanbu it's really each to their own.

I have let dd1/2 go on holiday with my dps from aged 3 abroad, they o2/3 times a year and love it. My dps are amazing with them,we trust them fully with the safety of our dds. Dd3 will start going next year aged 2 1/2.

We see no problem and it lets us have holidays just for me and dh. I think its a great opportunity and experience for your dc

AThingInYourLife Mon 18-Mar-13 07:22:57

I would not stop my 5 year old missing out on a really nice holiday with her grandparents because I was jealous.

I think that's an appalling reason to say no.

Poor kid sad

BinarySolo Mon 18-Mar-13 07:23:27

YANBU I wouldn't be happy about this and I really trust my parents, who are in their 60s. I just feel it too far away for too long. Also as you have a younger dd it would be nicer to wait the year so that she is included. Actually, I can't imagine my parents or pil even suggesting this.

When your dm mentioned the cruise, is that just ds she wants to take as well? Surely at some point dd should be included in the plans but I suspect 2 young children would be a bit much for them.

My older brother and 2 cousins were always favoured by my grandparents and even as an adult my relationship with them is very strained.

I tihnk YANBU, considering what you have stated.

% is very young, he will miss you terribly.

If it was for 4 days then maybe, but two weeks is too long. He is only 5.

I teach that age, the children miss their mummies by 2pm, and cry if they know their mummy won't be picking them up or won't be at home when they get home.

I had one 5 yr old cry every day all day because her mum had gone on a business trip for two weeks. It was heart breaking.

BinarySolo Mon 18-Mar-13 07:29:52

AThingInYourLife where does the op say she's jealous? I think she comes across as concerned rather than jealous. I don't think the 'first' thing amounts to jealousy, I think it's more wanting to be able to enjoy your kids as much as possible. Going on a plane for the first time is quite a big deal to a young child, and I understand why you'd want to share that excitement as he parent.

QuickLookBusy Mon 18-Mar-13 07:36:08

You have to trust your instincts.

When my dd was 5, I would not have allowed her to go on holiday with my mum and her H. I just didnt trust either of them enough to do the job properly. And I had very good reason. If fact they asked to take both DDs when they were 9 and 6 and I said no.

My step mum and dad, on the other hand-yes I would have let them.

You know your mum and dad, so if you think they won't keep a close eye on him, say no. I do think a couple on their 70s and 80s is pretty old to be responsible for a five year old. Do they spend a lot of time alone with him? They might not have thought through a whole week in sole charge of him.

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 18-Mar-13 07:37:50

I did, but she was 7. She had a wonderful time for a week that I couldn't have given her and the relationship between her and her grandparents is still strong 15 years later.
They did the same with DS when he was 7.
But I am not you.

AThingInYourLife Mon 18-Mar-13 07:38:15

The "first" thing absolutely does amount to jealousy.

Holding your child back from experiences you know they will enjoy because you won't be there to witness is unkind and possessive.

"He's not allowed to go on a plane until I take him on a plane" is quite obviously not about what is best for the child.

It's about his controlling mother.

Reasonable considerations are his safety and his emotional wellbeing.

I think if your 5 year old is happy to stay overnight with grandparents, and you are happy to allow it, and he wants to go, he should go.

cupcake78 Mon 18-Mar-13 07:42:29

I wouldn't like it. Tell them you can all go next year once you've saved up enough to go with them.

bakingaddict Mon 18-Mar-13 07:47:38

Have your parents ever had your DS for long periods of time. If they haven't then I think your parents are unprepared for the reality of caring for a 5yr old. If he regularly goes for weekend sleepovers then they will have some idea of the day-day practicalities involved. Only you know your DS and parents to make this judgement call but they do seem rather on the old side to be undertaking this. I do understand their desire for this holiday but dont indulge your parents if you have any niggling doubts about their ability to cope

My DS is 5 and sometimes goes for an overnight stay with the GPs but usually next morning after breakfast announces he is ready to be taken home to mum and dad.

Not sure florence for 2 weeks would be that exciting - there is an outdoor pool tho, and a huge park. Dd made us go on those horse things (mortifying and touristy, I'd taken her to show her where I used to live!) But we only did a day - ice cream, horse, look at crypt, back to la spezia and the fun!
I'd worry about his age, otoh if they are likely to pay him lots of attention, treat him like a little prince, he might love it! Does your dad speak italian?

littlewhitebag Mon 18-Mar-13 07:50:47

My parents have taken their DGC abroad on holiday every year for a long time. The two older ones (age 20 and 21) don't go now but my DD (age 15) and niece (age 5) do. My niece has gone with them for the 2 years, since she was aged 3. They all seem to have fun and although i miss my kids when they are away i know they are as safe my my DP as they would be with me. Let him go. He will have a ball.

Branleuse Mon 18-Mar-13 07:53:35

i would let him go. He'll have a lovely time

I trust my mum totally though

QuickLookBusy Mon 18-Mar-13 08:01:10

I assume that everyone who has let their parents take their dc away, trusted them to do a fantastic job.

The OP doesn't trust them to do a fantastic job, hence she doesn't want them to take her child.

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 08:17:57

I can fully see that 2 weeks away with a 5yr old might not be a good option but I really don't get the 'first time' thing and people denying their DC an opportunity because they wanted to do it with them first. That really is selfish. Worrying about a young child being away from you for two weeks isn't selfish.
Stopping a 10 yr old going to Florence with grandparents,if they wanted to, would be selfish.
I think it is a matter of what is best for the child and not what is best for the parent.

AThingInYourLife Mon 18-Mar-13 08:25:03

"The OP doesn't trust them to do a fantastic job, hence she doesn't want them to take her child."

More like the OP is jealously guarding her parental "firsts" and is using arguments about safety to justify her selfishness.

Her first post says nothing about safety at all. It's just bleating about how she will miss out on her parental rights.

QuickLookBusy Mon 18-Mar-13 08:26:26

It's certainly not selfish to refuse if the grandparents arent capable of looking after a 10 year old exotic. It's actually the opposite.

I would have loved a child free week when my mum offered to take my 9 and 6 yo. As she was an alcoholic, I said no.

Bananasinfadedpjs Mon 18-Mar-13 08:27:14

I would miss my DD - also aged 5 - if she was away for a long time away from me (she's never even been away from me overnight).

My DD has been on a plane many times because we live in a different country to our families, so it's hard to imagine how I would feel about the "first time" aspect of it. I don't think that would particularly bother me, although I probably wouldn't especially like for her to be so far away from me.

But I'm sure DD would have an absolutely fantastic time if my parents took her away, so I think I would probably let her go (I would be fretting the whole time though, but that's my issue, I know really that I trust my parents to look after her.)

exoticfruits Mon 18-Mar-13 08:31:20

I was assuming they were normal responsible grandparents- and I did clarify 'if the 10 yr old wants to' - by 10 yrs I would assume that they wouldn't be happy abroad with an alcoholic!

nicelyneurotic Mon 18-Mar-13 08:37:38

I would let them, but my parents are great and I trust them completely. It depends on the parents and the personality of the child.

seriouscakeeater Mon 18-Mar-13 08:41:44

I agree with athing the first op was all about firsts and not being able to afford it herself nothing to do with safety.
Green eyed monster I think!

INeverSaidThat Mon 18-Mar-13 08:43:02

I really really don't get the firsts thing. It is very PFB (sorry)

I would love the thought of a child doing something so special with their grandparents. I wouldn't feel left out at all.

However, if you can't trust them to look after him properly then they obviously can't take him. I presume that this means you also don't let them watch him in the UK. -- Either you trust them to watch him or you don't IYSWIM -- I imagine, if anything, that they are likely to be more careful with him overseas.

I would be far more inclined to agree if it were a long weekend rather than a week or longer.

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