I went to my FIL funeral a couple of days ago as he sadly died of COPD. Prior to my FIL death i hadn't much contact with my IL's apart from speaking to my MIL who do get on with very well. My MIL and FIL were divorced but stayed friends. The reason i hadn't seen much of my IL's was because since i have had my children i don't want them around smoke and my IL's are heavy smokers and smoke in the house. I have never made an issue about their smoking as it is there house. My husband also does not want our children around smoke so it's not just me. My dad also died of COPD so smoking is a big deal to me. Just explaining a bit of background which i know is not relevant to the funeral but just to explain why their may be tension.
On the day of the funeral due to timings DH suggested i stay in the car while he went inside as they would be smoking while waiting for the funeral cars to arrive which i did. TBH i would haave probably have done this anyway regardless of the smoking as the service was my DS2 feed time so i decided to feed him in the car(breastfed and dinner) which took about 30 minutes).
When we arrived at the church i said to my husband to not worry about me to just concentrate on remembering his dad. He went on ahead to help carry his dad. I went to go in and other family members did not speak to me at all or invite me to sit with them. In fact all i saw was their backs. I understand they were grieving but they were talking and giggling to each other as they were going in and i was just right at the back. My DH didn't even get to sit on the front row as they didn't leave room for him. I ended up sitting at the back in the end anyway as baby started to get unsettled.
When we came out of church everyone gathered outside talking and no one spoke at all to me or my baby. I spoke to my MIL who is lovely.
At the wake my DH wasn't going to go as we live an hour away and he has a strained relationship with his family but i said to him that he may regret it if he didn't go in memory of his dad and DH agreed. We ended up going but only staying a short time. Again i wasn't spoke to and DH noticed(i didnt say anything to him but it was so obvious) My niece her boyfriend and her brothers girlfriend were giving me dirty looks. TBH honest i felt like i shouldn't have been there and that is what they were probably tthinking but my dh said he wanted me there. I should have expected them not to taalk to me but to ignore my DS was poor taste tbh.
Sorry i don't want to make it about me as i understand its a difficult time as its a funeral but i can't ignore what an uncomfortable feeling it was. We are also planning a christening soon and it will probably cause problems again as apart from MIL no one else bothered coming to our DS1 christening from husbands family as they think im over reacting about not wanting my children around smoke.
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AIBU?
To be uspet at family's behaviour at FIL funeral
69 replies
brummiegirl1 · 16/03/2013 17:28
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Coconutty ·
16/03/2013 18:16
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Filibear ·
16/03/2013 18:17
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