to think SIL is being tight & a bit bonkers

(34 Posts)
wimblehorse Sat 16-Mar-13 11:21:55

We are due to go away over Easter with my in-laws. Maybe IABU (or stupid) for doing that in the first place!

There will be me, dh, ds (4), dd (4 months), SIL, BIL, dn1 (13), dn2(11), MIL and FIL. The deal is that PIL are paying for the accommodation and then between SIL and us, we would arrange and pay for food & drink. We have done this before, arranging a big online shop, though previously split food & accommodation 3 ways (us, SIL and PIL).

SIL reckons that we should pay for dd's food separately from the big shop because that won't be "communal". Dd will be 5 months old and is being mixed fed so her "food" will consist of a few small cartons of formula (plus we will bring a tub of powder as we get through one every 2-3 weeks so will robably have one open to use up), so probably cost around £5. We will be ordering all sorts of other items that are more suitable for her kids than the rest of us, and I will be drinking very little as am bf, I think she is being really tight. Particularly as in the past she has benefited from only paying 1/3 of the accommodation cost, yet taken half the rooms for her family.

I have offered to pay extra for the formula btw, but she said she "doesn't want it to go on the communal shop". I guess I will just have to bring the cartons along, but AIBU to feel a bit confused and think she is being overly tight?

wimblehorse Sat 16-Mar-13 17:29:06

No, not a militant bfer at all dn1 was bf but dn2 was f2f from birth.

Idiunt yes tense is exactly how I anticipate it being. There had better be wireless there so I can get some more "game" ideas...

wimblehorse Sat 16-Mar-13 17:25:09

Love sparkly's game idea but v tempted by dividing the bill according to family weight...

idiuntno57 Sat 16-Mar-13 16:45:45

SIBU but is it worth getting in a lather about?

looks like the holiday is going to be tense. Even before it starts.

RainbowsFriend Sat 16-Mar-13 16:34:19

Just a thought - but is it that she has an "ethical" stance against buying formula?

Otherwise she's bonkers nd tight

Catsdontcare Sat 16-Mar-13 14:46:15

Tell her you will pay for your own family and MIL and she can pay for her family and father in law.

She is being very weird and I think you could easily outdo her on the splitting things due to there being more of them who will eat and drink alcohol. She is being particularly weird in not allowing it to go on the communal shop even if you pay for it. Is she a hardcore BFer?

I think you should go back to her with a very complicated process of dividing the food bill more "fairly", possibly using the estimated weight of each person attending, then number of units of alcohol you anticipate that they will drink per night and a long paragraph about who you think will use more loo roll. But I might just think that for my own amusement.

RoseandVioletCreams Sat 16-Mar-13 13:06:32

I feel v uncomfortable sharing budgets with people who are this extreme to dot the I.

It upsets me, because I used to be the kind of person who would trust that person to also act with ingegrity after pushing such a small point, but people like this rarely do! She will break her own rule in some way and then you will be left fuming.

I would do my own shop and keep it all seperate.

Xales Sat 16-Mar-13 13:04:07

Email her back asking if she seriously thinks a few 'non communal' cartons of formula for your DD are going to exceed the amount extra that her and her H will consume in alcohol as you are still mixed feeding and will be limiting your drinking but that of course you wouldn't have brought that up and just gone with the even split because you are not a petty cow. However now that she has mentioned it...

ENormaSnob Sat 16-Mar-13 12:58:01

Even with the baby formula this is seriously skewed in sil favour.

After her petty meanness there's no way I would be doing a 50/50 split with her.

I would be dividing it per person excluding alcohol which each family can provide seperately.

Therefore you pay 3 parts plus one part for pil, they pay 4 parts plus 1 part for Pil. I would insist on this as the fairest option.

HollyBerryBush Sat 16-Mar-13 12:46:12

Ah these things get complicated really. People are very funny over money and have some very peculiar ideas.

On the other hand, I wouldn't expect my alcohol to come out of the communal budget either.

catgirl1976 Sat 16-Mar-13 12:44:30

Tight and odd

I like sparklyknickers game smile

Iamsparklyknickers Sat 16-Mar-13 12:44:06

Holly I would take the view that an 11 & 13 year old are going to be eating adult sized portions pretty much and the OP isn't drinking alcohol so it all evens out (actually a bit skewed in the SiL's favour).

HollyBerryBush Sat 16-Mar-13 12:38:09

As a baby has specialist foods, I wouldn't expect that to be in a communal shop - but everything that everyone else eats would be. In the same way I wouldn't expect the communal shop to cover nappies and wipes, but I would expect it to cover loo roll and fairy liquid IYSWIM.

Iamsparklyknickers Sat 16-Mar-13 12:35:46

Tight and bonkers definitely.

Are you up for the challenge of playing her at her own game? Portion up all the cereal and bread into seperate named bags when you get there and then just smile serenely at her. Bonus points if you use scales. She will then do something even more wacky, to which your answer is that you mark up the wine bottles and milk with portions per person and insist everyone initials what they've took.

At this point she will self combust. Problem solved.

Or you could be the bigger person and just snigger at her behind her back....my game is much more amusing.

oldraver Sat 16-Mar-13 12:09:23

Yes she is being a tight arse... if she wants to exclude food for one of your children then tell her she will have to buy food for one of her DC's seperatly. She is super bonkers

wimblehorse Sat 16-Mar-13 11:42:56

No coke problem, in fact she's gone on a super healthy kick in the last couple of years -- which doesn't extend to her kids' jam sandwiches for lunch every day habit --

Pancakeflipper Sat 16-Mar-13 11:42:34

Your SIL has really been thinking about this... Would never have occurred to me to think that way.

In fact most people would say you get a reduction as you have 1 child in your immediate family who won't be munching on the food 3 or 5 times a day.

wimblehorse Sat 16-Mar-13 11:39:43

her 2 children will eat more than your ds not necessarily, he has a pretty good appetite and likes to make the most of the available fruit shoots, cheese strings and other things that I never normally buy

ENormaSnob Sat 16-Mar-13 11:39:41

I think you should say that you'll buy your dc and she buys hers.

Or is she expecting you to sub her two elder children?

cozietoesie Sat 16-Mar-13 11:38:13

Yes she's being tight and yes she's a bit bonkers but Easter isn't far away and for the sake of the PIL and general harmony in the group I'd probably play along with it rather than have bitching day to day and meal to meal on the holiday.

Then I'd deal with SIL and her 'little problems' later.

Thumbwitch Sat 16-Mar-13 11:37:56

Yeah, she's odd. And mean.

TidyDancer Sat 16-Mar-13 11:37:30

Gosh how ridiculous. She's setting herself up for laying out more money here, since her lot will cost more to feed. I would agree with her but ,are it clear you are not paying for alcohol or her DCs food.

Trills Sat 16-Mar-13 11:37:24

Say that you'll but DD's food separately but that the rest of the food bills should be split 4 (her+DH+2DC) : 3(you + DH + 1DC) : 2 (PILs)

I'd just say that you each bought for your own snackwise and treats. You'd only share the costs of the main food

wimblehorse Sat 16-Mar-13 11:36:08

Day? Should say ds

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