Or are my parents a complete waste of time and energy

(229 Posts)

So i'm 20 weeks pregnant I have one 4 year old son whose autistic and I am currently attempting to gain my degree in nursing.

A couple of weeks ago my car broke down very suddenly when I was on my way to a placement for uni. This particular placement is in the middle of nowhere so I really do need my car. My father took out a loan so I could buy the car (this took 6 solid months of begging and finally my brothers had a word. he can afford to help as he has a very good job working off shore) and I pay him back every month through paypal as he lives abroad. When the car broke down I thought I would try and appeal to his better nature and I asked him if I could defer on this month?s payment for the car as I needed to get it fixed, well he went nuts! I said ? dad I need my car I have to get to placement I have one child who I have to transport around and another on the way? to which he replied ? don?t even start me on your that (meaning the pregnancy) it?s a fucking mistake and if I was you I would get rid of it!? #

Now, there was absolutely no need for that reply was there? I swiftly told him he is a horrible old man and not to contact me again. I did however say that he would get the car payments back even if it puts me into debt doing it.

Now for my mum! She had been involved in a very toxic relationship with a man for 3 years. I thought it was over last year when he beat her and was really relieved as I cannot stand him. My brother and I traveled the 86 miles to remove him from her home and make sure she was ok. After this my aunties and he friends began to tell me other things this man had done for example, screaming in my son?s face (he hates loud noises and get really distraught) pinning my mum by the throat to a wall, the list is endless really. Needless to say he is a nasty drunken idiot, and if I ever saw him again I would quite happily run over him and then reverse back over him just to make sure I got him!

My mother knows how I and my other 2 brother feel about this man, her sisters and her friends have made their feelings clear too and we have all done our very best to try to support her. So in November you can imagine my horror and, well, anger when I found out that this man had never really left, she had removed his son from her home (10 years old) but then continued to see this guy on the sly. What makes it worse is that my son has been in her house while he was there (she denies it but I know he has!)
I asked her to watch my son for me in my house as me and my partner are planning on going on a trip away together, this is something we never get as we don?t really have much support around us so we don?t get any ?us? time. This is when she A, decided to tell me that this useless excuse of a man was back on the scene and, B was going on holiday with him so couldn't help me out.

I feel like I want to cease all contact with them both. I am so angry hurt and disgusted at their behavior.
AMBU?

janey68 Tue 19-Mar-13 07:49:27

Hissy- yes, off shore workers do earn decent money- who has denied that? But as you say, people have different pressures, and frankly a high pay packet wouldn't make up for the stress factors involved in such a life style for many of us- otherwise why wouldn't we all be signing up for such jobs? And no one knows the details of anyone elses life- whether they have debts etc. I think people are quite right to hear warning bells when anyone posts claiming to 'know' someone else's finances and life style even though that person knows nothing of theirs in return. It's so easy to make sweeping judgements- like I said, imagine how the op would feel if she takes her holiday and people whisper about her that she claims to be broke but is leaving her son and swanning off on holiday? She'd rightly be hurt because that's not the truth- other people don't see the challenges she's facing or the fact the holiday is a gift. That's the thing many of us find unreasonable. It's not about not sympathising with her situation- its about the way she assumes everyone else is living the life of Riley

FasterStronger Tue 19-Mar-13 08:09:00

janey she assumes everyone else is living the life of Riley Yes.

Hissy Tue 19-Mar-13 12:38:56

Compared with what she apparently is shouldering, she's probably not far off the mark...

If her F had said, no, sorry love, no can do, fair enough.

He didn't. He said WAY more to a stressed, under pressure, PG woman.

Unless you're a stately homer, you won't see the nuances here.

My point, briefly, is that an OP is entitled to be frustrated, to vent. There is no need to pile in and judge. Especially when you don't have the merest notion of what her situation might be like.

But that is apparently the way of AIBU, shout first, don't think, don't listen, don't care.

It's frankly pretty poor to be defending an attacking stance.

janey68 Tue 19-Mar-13 13:01:16

Everyone has agreed that what the father said was out or order as you'll
See if you read the thread, so no one is defending that. It was also out or order for the OP to beg and
badger for 6 months for him to take out a loan.
Of course, much easier to attack people who
Don't agree with everything you say by twisting what has been written.

I repeat: OPs father should not have said what he did. OP should not have put pressure on him to take out a loan for her. Having pushed him
Into it unwillingly, she certainly shouldn't expect to default on it

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