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To ask how many of you get on with your mil?

(189 Posts)

That's it really, just fancied a poll of who feels respected and liked by mil?

Ahhhcrap Sun 10-Mar-13 16:03:08

Mine is great, love her to bits.

OhTheConfusion Sun 10-Mar-13 15:56:59

Sadly no, I gave up trying to be nice years ago!

barefootwalker Sun 10-Mar-13 15:52:52

I do. I actually am closer to my MIL than to my own Mum. She is fantastic.

thebitchdoctor Sun 10-Mar-13 15:29:50

Hmmm. A tricky one. I think my MIL and certainly my FIL find me baffling. I'm very much modern woman in a modern marriage where DH and I are equals and they don't get that at all. They also disagree with a lot of our parenting techniques.

I don't like them at all but have never said anything. My dislike is based on how they treat DH like a second class citizen compared to 'D'SIL. I feel so bad for DH, he's a lovely bloke and they don't know how lucky they are to have a decent man as a son.

I'm sad about this though, I hoped I would find a friend in whomever became my MIL. Especially as my mum died last year. You'd think if your DIL was motherless at a young age you'd might try to be there for her but nope.

newpup Sun 10-Mar-13 15:15:25

NO! My mil is a very selfish woman who has been very difficult in the past. When my DDs were babies and small children, we had a very difficult relationship. She wanted to be far more involved in our lives than I would let her. I am very independent and she did not understand me at all. I do realise that I was sometimes difficult too and played her at her own game.

Now the DDs are much older 13 and 11 we see very little of them. They travel a lot and we see them every 6 weeks or so. It is always a bit strained and I never relax around them at all.

forgetmenots Sun 10-Mar-13 14:41:15

No, I don't. I would have really liked one of the nice relationships mentioned here. Wasn't possible because of how she treats my DH (and me by extension).

Liked my ex's mum a lot though smile

hiddenhome Sun 10-Mar-13 14:16:27

My MIL is great and I luffs her smile She is always kind to me despite the fact that she must think I'm nuts grin

TalkUsernameYoudLike Sun 10-Mar-13 13:46:39

That makes me sound awful, but you haven't met her. Easier to just smile and nod and pretend everything is fine! smile

TalkUsernameYoudLike Sun 10-Mar-13 13:45:53

My MIL thinks we get on, and that I like her.. But I don't like her at all!

TomDudgeon Sun 10-Mar-13 13:40:06

I get on with mine.
She's lovely
We have our moments but who doesn't

tiggerishtom Sun 10-Mar-13 12:36:40

I really loved my MIL, she was brilliant, whilst we are like chalk and cheese personality wise, thought we had shared values.

But her behaviour this past year, to do with GC & child care, accusations to DH, and causing hurt over petty issues. She will twist everything into something negative.How to you try and live around somebody like this?

I now struggle to understand her,as her priorities are completely different to mine. She is not the family oriented person I thought she was. She is used to having it all her own way, as her husband (and previously both sons) have enabled her behaviour, they traditionally avoided standing up to her as they preferred a quiet life.

Unfortunately, both sons now try to distance themselves, her eldest has not allowed to his house in over 7 years. So she is the one who is loosing out, and it's so sad, because in her heart, I am sure she is probably one of the worlds most caring people, she has just become spoilt, and has an unrealistic view of the world.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Sun 10-Mar-13 12:27:29

Yeah, we get on well. She is pretty laid back so she's easy to be around/ talk to and we both like drinking tea and watching crap telly like Embarrassing Bodies and re-runs of Location, Location and Property Ladder. I'm not sure if she respects me, but I respect her as she brought up 3 kids on her own whilst running her own business, and they've all turned out brilliantly. She's only offered me parenting advice once and she was right (told me I needed to cut 2 yr old DS some slack re. his behaviour a few weeks after DD was born). She told me gently/ sensitively though so I didn't mind. Best of all, she sends me UK chocolate in the post (we live abroad). Only thing is I sometimes wish she'd be more straight with her opinions, as she often says what she thinks I want to hear, rather than what she thinks as she doesnt want to inconvenience anyone.

tricky, i don't dislike the,. yet they are very stiff upper lip types, emotionally distant, it has some perks as thry don't interfere to our faces

but you never really know what they are thinking, as they are quite guarded, even dh says they are emotionally repressed.

and its hard to form any real bond with such stiff upper lip, keep all opinions to themeselves types

tbh, we could see a hell of alot more of them, often we drive by there house and could easily call in for an hour but we don't as its not really that enjoyable iyswim
oh that sounds awful doesnt it, but if you act distant guess you become distant..........

Barmcake Sun 10-Mar-13 11:48:41

I have an amazing mil, I don't know what we would have done without her these past few months.

She always puts family first and is a fantastic cook.

Mine is brilliant. I get on with my step MIL as well. No drama here. I was shocked when I first joined MN at the MIL threads.

EasilyBored Sun 10-Mar-13 11:37:45

Mine is lovely. Bit too enthusiastic with DS but it comes from a good place and she isn't one to offer unwanted advice. FIL can be a bit irritating in a daily mail way, but dotes on DS (and is brilliant with him now he's a toddler). I wish they lived closer actually as they love to baby sit!

DonderandBlitzen Sun 10-Mar-13 11:35:28

I think I'd have loved mine too had the distance not dictated the need for overnight stays. What ledkr said except with me it is 2 week stays in the same bungalow.

DonderandBlitzen Sun 10-Mar-13 11:31:56

Got on fine before i had kids. Not a fan since i've had kids, although live in different hemispheres so not much of a problem.

MsAkimbo Sun 10-Mar-13 11:20:23

I do. My MIL has been more like a mother to me than my own mother ever has.

HandlebarTash Sun 10-Mar-13 11:08:52

No. 10 years on, and not one of my in laws have any way if contacting me except via my husband. They have no interest in doing so either. Knowing what I know now, I would give the advice to think carefully about the family you are marrying into and what your relationship with them will be like.

ZenNudist Sun 10-Mar-13 11:03:40

I get on well with my ILs. MIL is a bit overbearing & annoying. Sometimes my own parents are annoying too. My ILs are very generous with us & lovely with ds. We even go on long hols with ILs (they pay!) which we never do with my parents.

ivanapoo Sun 10-Mar-13 10:57:32

My MIL has some deeply unpleasant "interesting" personality traits and our opinions differ on almost all topics (religion, politics, viewpoints on society, attitudes towards family) - but given all that we get on fairly well really. She loves spending time with her family, is generous, can be charming when she wants to and is a fantastic cook. I wish I found her easier to talk to though.

LimboLil Sun 10-Mar-13 10:30:35

Oh dear I'm a bit of a disappointment to mine. She is a lovely lady but very controlling and overbearing. I keep my distance as much as poss but my hub does visit her without fail every weekend for a few hours with my oldest son and I usually visit my mum at the same time. I am always polite and friendly to her but as soon as she gets me in a headlock she bangs on and on and tries to influence and manipulate things her way. It's a bit like a comedy farce when she is here with me darting from room to room and suddenly needing the loo or spotting something the kids need doing when the conversation gets tricky. It must be very frustrating for her. I will be devastated when she's no longer around though, so I suppose I do love her really, I just can't be with her a lot. If it makes it any better, I feel not dissimilar about my own mother too.

dawntigga Sun 10-Mar-13 10:21:16

I love her she's brilliant but we have 2 things in common her son and my son that's it.

SheReallyDoesn'tGetMeButDoesn'tJudgeMeEitherTiggaxx

Ledkr Sun 10-Mar-13 10:20:28

I think I'd have loved mine too had the distance not dictated the need for overnight stays.
So effectively I never had time to get to know them before the full on experience of sharing a small house for a long period if time.
Lots of the issues wouldn't have happened without the house share need.
They seem to have fairly thick skin so then annoy us by overstepping the mark and being intrusive.
They are nice people actually but they need to respect the fact that their children are now grown up and have their partners to consider as well as them.
This thread has made me determined to be more upfront about what we want eg. " do you think you could get going a bit earlier on Sunday as we need a few hours to get ready for school and work?"
Rather than getting angry and seething quietly when they are still sat here at 7pm

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