My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

to be a little bit surprised and annoyed at this?

37 replies

Greydog · 08/03/2013 18:39

Today I have been to a funeral for an old, dear friend. One of the so called mourners was taking photos of people at the crematorium. I couldn't believe it. And not discrete pictures either - full camera set up. It made me really angry - I felt it was so disrespectful. What do you all think?

OP posts:
Report
CabbageLooking · 08/03/2013 18:40

Unusual certainly. But perhaps s/he had been asked to do it? Really depends on the motive I think.

Report
CaptainSweatPants · 08/03/2013 18:40

You mean like family photos?

Report
Cherriesarelovely · 08/03/2013 18:42

As Cabbage said it is a bit strange but is it possible that a family member asked the person to do this as a reminder of who came to the funeral? Difficult to know how to respond though if someone asks you to pose for a photo at a funeral.

Report
Greydog · 08/03/2013 18:42

Just pictures of who was there, and no she hadn't been asked to do it

OP posts:
Report
Floggingmolly · 08/03/2013 18:43

Hugely inappropriate Hmm. Why would you do this?

Report
LindyHemming · 08/03/2013 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CloudsAndTrees · 08/03/2013 18:49

Who was the mourner. If it was a close family member, I'd think it was odd but would leave them to it. Anyone else, very disrespectful.

Report
Greydog · 08/03/2013 18:50

not a family member, but a "friend" who's a bit of a hanger on to be honest. I hope that they wont be on FB later, but will let you know if they are!

OP posts:
Report
QuanticoVirginia · 08/03/2013 18:51

I was watching a documentary about this. There was a photographer who offered this as a service for funerals in the same way you would have a photographer at a wedding. The funeral they showed was quite a big one with bagpipers and everything at a very picturesque church.

The photographer then produced an album again in the same way you get get at a wedding. The family said they liked to look back on it because due to their grief and upset on the day they missed a lot of what was going on an they found comfort in the photos showing how much their loved one would be missed. There were lots of photos of people touching the coffin an looking pensive.

Not really my thing but I suppsse it's horses for courses

Report
hiddenhome · 08/03/2013 19:29

That all sounds a bit Victorian Sad They used to take photos of their dead people. I wonder if pics of dead relatives are going to start appearing on the dreaded FB Shock Perhaps undertakers could start specialising in post mortem duck faces Confused

Report
LemonPeculiarJones · 08/03/2013 19:33

Jesus. How intrusive and inappropriate. Did no one ask her to stop? Do you think she might have okayed it with the family beforehand?!

Report
LemonPeculiarJones · 08/03/2013 19:34

Oh just seen that she hadn't got the blessing of the family Confused

Is she a photographer?

Report
Magimedi · 08/03/2013 19:40

YANBU

Totally out of order & showing no respect.

Thanks for you at the end of a sad day.

Report
thezebrawearspurple · 08/03/2013 19:42

Why did nobody ask her what she was doing?

Report
BabyRoger · 08/03/2013 19:43

YANBU.

Disrespectful.

Report
HairyHandedTrucker · 08/03/2013 19:47

are you sure she hasn't been asked? horrible

Report
TheFallenNinja · 08/03/2013 20:01

I discovered my xsil had taken pictures of the mil in the open coffin at the chapel of rest. She was a real freak show about funerals. Loved them.

She is very ghoulish.

Report
Greydog · 09/03/2013 06:18

Magimedi - thanks for the flowers! Zebra - I think most people were too taken aback, and then concerned as we Brits often are, about causing a "scene"

OP posts:
Report
thanksamillion · 09/03/2013 07:30

Is the photographing friend from the UK? I only ask because where I live in E Europe it's totally normal to 'record' a funeral like this. In fact they do full on photos of the open coffin, often with the whole family standing round. We've been asked to take photos a few times but usually chicken out and give the camera to someone else because it feels so intrusive to us.

Report
Greydog · 10/03/2013 14:38

Hi, Million, no they're from the N west of England - and yes - the pics are on FB today. Sigh.

OP posts:
Report
eosmum · 10/03/2013 14:55

On Facebook! What do the closest family think? I still havent gotten over the shock of my sister sending my aunt a photo of my fathers remains in the hospice a couple of hours after he'd passed away. She was coming to see him in the funeral home the following day for the funeral.

Report
LemonBreeland · 10/03/2013 15:02

I would have to contact the person and ask them to remove the photos as they are disrespectful.

Funeral photos on fb is truly awful.

Report
HairyHandedTrucker · 10/03/2013 15:07

I'm sure FB would remove

Report
Pandemoniaa · 10/03/2013 15:08

This may sound weird but, as a photographer, I have been asked to discreetly capture funerals. Sadly they have usually been of very popular people who have died relatively young (in their 40s and 50s). Now it would never occur to me to take a camera to a funeral but I've been contacted by the families beforehand and asked if I would mind taking pictures. Obviously I wouldn't put them on FB but what the families do is up to them since I wouldn't presume to know how they are trying to cope with their loss.

Report
Greydog · 10/03/2013 15:08

Don't think the family are aware. But there's already "likes" on FB. Sometimes I wonder of it's me! And then I read the kind posts on here. Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.