DD is just 12, 'friend' is 13 and definitely more worldly wise. 'Friend' has older siblings whereas DD is eldest
They have know each other for just over 2 years - 'friend' joined DD at primary school. Know 'friends' parents a bit - they are quite strict and definitely are ambitious for their children.
I think 'friend' is a nasty manipulative b*tch...but maybe I'm over reacting
Soon after meeting they were best friends ...fell out a bit....had other best friends and now 'friend' is DD's bestest bestest friend again...
All this sounds like girls of that age...
but....
At Primary they chose two children with 'natural musical ability' for free piano lessons - DD was chosen. 'Friend' told her not to take up the lessons because she would be 'stuck' playing piano and couldn't take up a 'cooler' instrument later. DD (without me knowing until afterwards) turned the lessons down. 'Friend' was then offered them and took them up....(not sure if she would have known she next in line though...)
At secondary - DD won't sort her bag out after school, check her homework etc - carries all her books around with her every day...does her homework on the bus - apparently 'friend' (who knows everything because of her older siblings) doesn't do her bag...or bother doing her homework (which I know isn't true - her mum told me about helping her do an essay!)
They have to make choices now for next year - DD could just do one science -but I think that is a really bad idea and am insisting she does 2 (and then two 1 year less academic things) - 'friend' says you don't need more than one science unless you want to be a doctor or vet or something and she is just going to do four less academic subjects (I refuse to believe her parents will let her - in fact I wouldn't be surprised if she isn't doing 3 sciences and no 'easy' things)...
Final straw - they are going on an activity weekend (not with school) . 'Friend' needs a lift. She was trying to persuade another friend's parent to take her - instead of my DD...but as we lift share anyway we had already agreed to do it between us...so 'friend' got friendly with another girl and is getting a lift with their parent...and that girl's friend. They will be in rooms of 4 - my DD with 3 good friends (who will all lift share together) - so 'friend' will be in a room with the two other girls she lift shared with. They will have a spare space in their room - so are likely to get another girl in with them who is really unpleasant - a bully - none of the group will want to share with her.. in fact some members of the group have left because of her..
Now 'friend' is suddenly best friends with my DD again ...trying to persuade her to come into their room. Worse a few comments have been made that show 'friend' is putting down DD's good friends - even things like suggesting they shouldn't go to her birthday treat at the cinema - they would want to watch something rubbish ...etc etc etc...
I am maybe getting too carried away with this ...but DD is v. scatterbrained and was in trouble (with me) for losing cardigans, coats etc...she came home without her jumper - she said she must have left (with something else) just outside 'friend's house- I sent her straight back out to get it - 10 mins later, if that, it wasn't there and 'friend' hadn't seen it ... now DD has just lost another coat - and the first thing that went though my head was 'oh no' she was with 'friend' last time she saw it...
One day last week she came back with DD after school - normally she goes home at 5ish but was still here at 6pm...showing no signs of moving ..I asked when she had to be home and she said her parents had said 8pm. So I told her she couldn't stay that late (we had a lot of things to sort out for a party the next day) but could stay for dinner but would have to go home straight afterwards ...after dinner she went and sat on the sofa and despite a good few heavy hints didn't leave until 8pm....I felt like she deliberately pushing to see if I would be rude and tell her 'leave - NOW' ...
Please tell me I am being unreasonable and that I am reading too much into it and a 13 year can't be that .....devious?
MNHQ have commented on this thread
AIBU?
To want to tell my DD that her 'friend' is no such thing....and not so politely...
unlucky83 · 26/02/2013 15:03
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