To ask to see my sons new girlfriend?

(73 Posts)
Emmatheratbag Sun 17-Feb-13 21:49:21

He has had a few girlfriends, and I never met them, but with his latest girlfriend he has spent a few week-ends at her home. Sometimes I need to know if he is coming home as I need to secure the doors. All of our friends ask if I have met her yet, ( no pressure there then!) as they know he is living with her at the week-ends. One of our friends has 'friended' her on FB so they can know more about them than I do! Am I being unreasonable?

C4ro Tue 19-Feb-13 12:13:05

Although I'm generally vaguelly aware that most of my life experiences get churned over by my mum and her gaggle of witches cronies, I think it has to be a bit more subtley done than "hand over the pics and life biog of your current GF please DS, we're bored rigid and want to debate how long we think you'll manage to stay going out with her".

LimboLil Tue 19-Feb-13 12:08:35

Aw I feel a bit sorry for you too. You probably feel like he's been welcomed into the fold of the other family and you are left out. But it's probably not like that. I would leave it and chill out. Surely he has a key if he's 29 and lives at home. He could probably do with leaving home. Maybe he feels embarrassed that he hasn't? That might have something to do with it. Your friend sounds like she is trying to get one up on you tbh. Maybe you need a bit more going on in your own life to fill the time (like some new friends).

JessieMcJessie Tue 19-Feb-13 11:53:53

OP, please explain how your friend friended the gf on Facebook! Did your friend seriously just send her a random friend request that the gf accepted, or do they have some sort of mutual acquaintance?

My Mum complained that I had not introduced her the boyfriend that I had in my late 20s until the relationship was very serious. (I was far away from home by then). So I took the next one home much earlier and she proceeded to bend my ear about how he was not good enough for me and I should "nip it in the bud". I did break up with him, for different reasons than the ones she gave, but let me tell you I have never really forgiven her for expressing an opinion when I did not ask for one. OP, can you hold your tongue if you don't like her?

Horsemad Mon 18-Feb-13 23:26:22

When I first met DH I was at his house one evening and his mother called in and asked who he'd got in there! He was 29.

He wouldn't let her in the sitting room as he knew she was desperate to see who he was dating.
She practically bundled him out of the way -all 5' of her to his 6' so she could get into the room to see who it was!!

I should've learnt my lesson there and then grin

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Mon 18-Feb-13 14:42:24

YABU. Chill your beans.

2rebecca Mon 18-Feb-13 11:45:58

Agree with others that your desire to meet his girlfriend seems to be more about you and wanting to impress your rather strange sounding friends than any consideration for him.
If my friends were wittering on about my son's girlfriend and wanting to be his friend on facebook to nose into his private life I'd be looking for new friends, not trying to join them in being nosy.
Tell your friends to make their own lives more interesting rather than living gratuitously through other people's lives.
let your adult son get on with his PRIVATE life. He'll introduce you to his girlfriend when he wants to.
Make sure he has a key so you don't need to change security arrangements around him.

I was living at home when I was 26. I met someone the July of that year. In September I told my parents I had met someone. In October I told them I was going to move in with her. I moved out on my mum's birthday in December. I think they met her about two weeks before I moved out.

YABVU and possibly a little weird.

OHforDUCKScake Mon 18-Feb-13 10:51:55

29 and hes still living at home. Expecting to meet the gf he sees at weekends. Your friends friending her on fb just to find out what shes like. You expecting yo meet her, as though he is 16.

Its all very very bizarre.

squeakytoy Mon 18-Feb-13 10:48:16

It is possible that the girlfriend has met the OPs friend, and that is why they are friends on facebook..

Pandemoniaa Mon 18-Feb-13 10:45:06

You really don't need to meet her until your ds is ready and the more pressure you put on him the longer it'll be before you do. Also, your friend sounds quite bonkers to befriend his gf on FB. To be brutally honest, what the fuck does it have to do with her? Also, I'm a great believer in not sharing everything that my two sons (30 and 32) are doing. They would hate it and, more importantly, I would have hated it when I was that age.

So back off a little and stop sharing so much information with friends. If and when the time is right I am sure you'll meet her.

rodandtheemu Mon 18-Feb-13 10:14:11

If my 'new bf' came to me and said...'my mum said one of her friends has friended you and can you be love and de-friend her, she is being nosey...'' i'd be like hmm what a bunch of weirdos.. both senarios are controlling. If some one told me to take some one off my facebook i'd tell them to piss off, never mind a crazy old bat i'd never even been summond to see. You would absolutly have no right to ask her to do anything.

If my friend continued to spy - i'd knock her off facebook and tell her you dont want to know, its an invasion of his privacy.

My 18 year old dosnt have me on facebook and I dont want to be on it either!

AllOutOfIdeas Mon 18-Feb-13 10:01:13

My mil did this to my dh when we first started dating, constantly pestering him to meet me.
I didn't want to meet her or his family as it felt like a huge step in our relationship that i wasn't ready for. I was wary of serious relationships and had some personal stuff to work through that dh was aware of and tried not to rush me.

Tbh it didn't set mil and my relationship off on a great start as i felt bullied into meeting her to make dh's life easier.

I would just wait until they are ready for her to meet you and just keep things light and friendly and not mention his fab ex at every opportunity .

mrsjay Mon 18-Feb-13 09:36:40

I dont have my 19yr olds boyfriend on facebook why would I confused

mrsjay Mon 18-Feb-13 09:35:41

yes I do too you are all far to involved and nosey in a grown mans life

TroublesomeEx Mon 18-Feb-13 09:31:23

I think you and your friends need to back off.

TroublesomeEx Mon 18-Feb-13 09:30:21

Wow, I read the OP thinking he was 16 too!

He will introduce you to her if/when he is ready to and you might find this day comes a lot sooner if you back off and stop regarding him as a child.

He's nearly 30 FFS!

Her parents might be more chilled out than you.

mrsjay Mon 18-Feb-13 09:09:17

he is 29 shock I thought he was 16 and staying out at night lock your doors he is a grown man you will meet her when he is good and ready <shakes head> 29!

cory Mon 18-Feb-13 09:01:26

When dh met me he didn't introduce me to his parents until he knew it was serious; that seemed perfectly reasonable to me.

Just because you've spent a couple of weekends with someone doesn't mean you know you want to spend your life with them, and it would be very confusing for the parents to be introduced to every frog that gets kissed.

Basically, this friend of yours sounds strange: never let yourself be persuaded in response to anything she says or does; it's bound to be a bad decision.

FellatioNels0n Mon 18-Feb-13 05:38:08

Aw! I feel a bit sorry for you! I think if he was a teenager then you could expect him to be a bit secretive, but as a 29 yo you would hope he'd be relaxed enough to introduce you. I think it might be a bit of a boy thing. Women/girls tend to get new partners involved with their family a bit sooner than blokes, I think. Maybe he is just not feeling that serious about her yet, but YANBU to feel a bit envious and left out. sad

Lavenderhoney Mon 18-Feb-13 05:12:35

Agree with the fb advice! And try not to discuss your sons love life with your friends, he deserves some privacy. Just say she sounds lovely and you're sure to meet her soon or not.

Perhaps it's her that is wary of meeting you - it sounds like a casual popping in to pick something up will turn into a quizzing of her and her life / whether she will be a good wife and mum! Perhaps you dont mean it that way?

He already shares so much with you - living at home, day to day life, perhaps he is enjoying some privacy. I didnt introduce anyone to my folks. They were so old fashioned and assumed anyone that came home was about to propose, meeting them they considered to be a Big Thing- they just didn't get the dating thing. Plus they were so nosey!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 18-Feb-13 04:47:41

I'm still stuck on 'secure the doors'.

OP, your 29 year old son does pay rent, yes? And has his own key?

ilovesooty Mon 18-Feb-13 01:02:52

I did say that I had found it quite humiliating for me to answer questions from my friends

I suspect that's the most important thing.

"TBH I would say to DS 'you know you have XYZ on FB? Shes a nosey old bat, keeps telling me you were at XYZ, be a love and delete her, she's spying on you'"
Good advice from HollyBerryBush. Your friend's behaviour is totally bizarre.

AnyFucker Mon 18-Feb-13 00:46:52

yup, and OP doesn't want to "meet" her son's gf

she insists on "seeing" her

a rather telling difference in tone between those two scenario, methinks

ComposHat Mon 18-Feb-13 00:39:28

Adult son that still lives at home?

Domineering mother with an unhealthy interest in her son's girlfriend?

Is this real life or a leftover script from the mid 80s Ronnie Corbett sitcom: 'Sorry!'

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