DD just got scholarship AIBU to think I need to keep it quiet?

(124 Posts)
pugsandseals Sun 10-Feb-13 12:02:41

All the parents at school were talking about how hard & stressful their DC's found the entrance test last weekend. DD took it all in her stride & yesterday we find out she is one of only a handful of kids to get a scholarship! Put it on Facebook yesterday, mainly for the sake of friends & family we don't see very often & have noticed that the 2 school mums I'm Facebook friends with have said absolutely nothing! AIBU to take this as a warning that I need to keep quiet in front of the other mums? I imagined they would all be happy for dd but if their child missed out on a scholarship might there be a general feeling of resentment? Not a hugely selective school btw, so chances of others not getting in at all are very slim! WWYD?

LAlady Sun 10-Feb-13 13:57:39

I wouldn't have put that on FB.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 10-Feb-13 14:38:13

I wouldn't make a special effort to tell people OP, but nor would I make a special effort to hide it.

There is a lot of talk of secondary school among parents of year 6 children, so if it comes up in general conversation, then there's no reason for you to keep it quiet.

everlong Sun 10-Feb-13 14:45:38

Hmm. I wouldn't have put that on fb but I hardly put anything about the dc on fb.

But, I don't see it as a bad thing tbh. Ds has a music scholarship. If it's appropriate I would mention it, never really thought it was wrong confused certainly don't see it as bragging or being smug. He excels in music. Good for him.

But fb is a funny thing and I'm mindful what I post.

But well done your DD OP.

Yellowtip Sun 10-Feb-13 14:53:53

I've never told anyone at all (except my parents) the results of the DC 11+ unless I've actually been asked. Even then I'm pretty low key because far too many kids round here whose parents would like them to have a place don't get in.

pugsandseals Sun 10-Feb-13 15:19:38

That's just it YELLOWTIP - coming from an 11+ area, I would have known how to handle it. But we don't live in that area & I think the way people deal with private school entrance might be different. To us, private school is just a grammar you have to pay for

PurpleStorm Sun 10-Feb-13 15:38:03

Congratulations to your DD.

But I wouldn't have put it on Facebook, if it can be seen by the parents of other kids doing the same test. If their kids missed out on the scholarship, they'll be feeling bad about that, and could feel resentful or jealous about your DD getting it.

Especially as it can be easy to misconstrue the written word and perceive FB posts as boastful when they're not meant that way.

lljkk Sun 10-Feb-13 15:41:02

I'd probably have posted on FB something like:

"Very pleased that DD accepted to X school!" and leave it at that. Close friends will ask & then can explain the scholarship side.

No need to publish financial details.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 10-Feb-13 15:48:33

There's a lot of parents round here who put every achievement of their child's on Fb, "well done <name of child> on been moved up maths group, getting a gold award, getting in the shine assembly, getting top score in maths test for 10th week running, etc.

Its blatently not for the child to see as they're not even on FB. Doesn't bother me, its all water off a ducks back and my life is too busy too worry about what other kids are up to.

But I have heard other parents moaning about it and even defriending FB friends as they do feel its like having it rubbed in your face all the time - especially if you have a DC who is maybe struggling at school.

Coconutty Sun 10-Feb-13 15:48:37

Ds is on a sports scholarship but only close family know. I know people can get funny if their dcs didn't get one and would hate people to think I was bragging.

Wouldn't ever announce it on Facebook.

Scootee Sun 10-Feb-13 16:01:54

Oh goodness I wouldn't have put it on Facebook! People will be extremely jealous - from academic jealousy to financial jealousy. It is way too late to keep it quiet - if 2 mums have seen it, everyone will know.

Congrats to your dd, be very proud of her but not too publicly!

marriedinwhite Sun 10-Feb-13 16:07:34

So, is the OP to pretend that her dd would be going in spite of the scholarship? I can't comment about the Facebook thing because I don't do Facebook except for mnet meetups

silverfrog Sun 10-Feb-13 16:13:27

I odn't see why you should keep it quiet.

Which is not to say you should boast about it either.

But hushing it up, or not mentioning it, is a bit sad, I think. Your dd has worked hard. She has won something that is not available to all. through hard work. she shoudl be congratulated.

I was also of the impression that scholarships are less about the financial side of things these days (unlike back in the day when I took scholarships - where it was possible to have up to 100%), and bursaries were for helping out with finances. so the academic achievement and the financial help are separated out naturally? Certainly was that way when we needed a bursary to keep dss at his school - the scholarships were more for 'show' (and recognition of academic/sporting/musical/whatever attainment) than anything else.

agree with those who have said that if this was not about an academic scholarship then the replies woudl have been different. I htink it is a shame the way academic achievement is so often belittled and hushed up.

Scootee Sun 10-Feb-13 16:13:28

I think that we do actually value intelligence extremely highly - that is the source of the jealously!

mrsbunnylove Sun 10-Feb-13 16:24:13

congratulations to your dd. but others might be feeling sore right now...hopes dashed, all that sort of thing. a bit of diplomacy... tell when asked.

eminemmerdale Sun 10-Feb-13 16:28:08

I have kept v quiet about my dd passing an entrance test - told 3 school mums who I get on well with - it has got round though - mainly through dd talking about it - and I have had some very unpleasant comments. This is my main reason for staying quiet

Dancergirl Sun 10-Feb-13 16:31:00

OMG, I can't believe people put stuff about their dc on Facebook! How can you write it and not cringe??

In an ideal world you should be able to shout from the rooftops and do the happy dance that your child passed and has been accepted (I keep financial stuff private) It is really sad that you can't do that and have others be happy for you, they must all be sad and bitter. I know my friends and I share good news all the time on facebook and in real life and as much as we'd like it to be us who, got the kids in Uni, won the lottery, are going on a world class vacation, we all enjoy the fact that someone we know and love is doing these things.

pugsandseals Sun 10-Feb-13 17:47:19

Agree that a scholarship is not about the money - less than £1k off fees for us. So thinking about it, yes I do think school will want to shout it from the rooftops! We shall see, but I've always put these things on Facebook as most of my Facebook friends are people we don't see very often in real life (lifelong friends, family, godparents etc.) & had fantastic responses from people who genuinely care & like to hear what is going on. It is only more recently that half a dozen more local friends have joined my page. Maybe I need to rethink having them there!

I put stuff about my children on Facebook all the time; funny things they've said or done, little achievements that might not sound like much but are a big deal to them. I make these status updates visible to relatives, the children's godparents and close friends. I love reading similar things about my own godchildren and children of close friends.

ReallyTired Sun 10-Feb-13 18:13:52

" It is only more recently that half a dozen more local friends have joined my page. Maybe I need to rethink having them there! "

You can still have them on facebook, but you need to have your friends in groups. It can cause mortal offense to defriend someone. Its a lot simpler in someways to put them in a group and take care what you allow various people to see.

pugsandseals Sun 10-Feb-13 18:19:41

Sounds very easy in principle, but impossible on my phone app which is where I usually post from!

At the beginning of Y6 there was a meeting with the HTs off all the local primaries and Y6 parents. The HT asked us all to be discrete about the offers we received as this is such a stressful time period for both the parents and children, any excited boasts would be viewed as in bad taste, as many children would not get the school places they wanted, whether state or independent or Faith, in fact the majority would be unhappy with the results and did not need having their wounds rubbed.

Personally I have one FB friend who keep posting updates like "My clever child has had YET another offer, I am so proud". And "Another Yes from a super selective grammar" and "What should we chose? Of course the grammars are free so what now?" Well good for her. But it seems extremely boastful and totally unnecessary.

LittleFrieda Sun 10-Feb-13 18:31:57

Perhaps some people not only didn't get a scholarhip, but didn't even get offered a place? Or is it one of those schools where pretty much everyone with an IQ over 80 gets a scholarship? grin

Floggingmolly Sun 10-Feb-13 19:06:01

I very much doubt school will "shout it from the rooftops" hmm
Why on earth would they?

puffinbillygoat Sun 10-Feb-13 19:20:28

Congratulations and Very Well Done to your DD.

Did you not know that parents can only be proud of their children's achievements quietly these days, making sure their child thinks it is something to be ashamed of. God forbid they actually tell other parents that they are proud. Makes me sick tbh!

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