My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

to be fed up of the destruction in the kitchen every time DP cooks?

48 replies

wannabedomesticgoddess · 07/02/2013 12:36

I cook dinner, I clean up as I go. When dinner is finished I do all dishes and leave the kitchen tidy.

When DP cooks dinner every dish, utensil and pot is used. All the packets are just left thrown all over the benches. He puts the dirty plates in the sink with food still on them and that is the one and only reason that I refuse to do the cleaning after he has cooked.

To be fair, when he cleans he does it well, but it takes him days to get round to it (I know this because I left it to see) and he was doing all the cooking while I was pregnant. But you think by now he would have learned to tidy as he goes.

Hes not here today, so I am left with a bombsite of a kitchen and a baby who wont settle. So I cant even make a quick bite because to do that will involve a deep clean of the bloody kitchen. Angry

OP posts:
Report
HorraceTheOtter · 07/02/2013 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 07/02/2013 12:46

As I always say on threads like this- it's easily solved. Only form adult relationships with grown ups.

Report
wannabedomesticgoddess · 07/02/2013 12:51

Very helpful seeker. Thanks for that.

OP posts:
Report
seeker · 07/02/2013 12:54

Any time.Grin

Alternatively, say "please could you clear up tonight, it upsets me to come down to a messy kitchen in the morning, and it gets my day off to a really bad start. Thank you"

Report
wannabedomesticgoddess · 07/02/2013 12:56

I do. But then I get an eye roll.

He means well. He just doesnt see the destruction the way I do. It just doesnt bother him.

OP posts:
Report
Andro · 07/02/2013 13:03

We have a 'whoever cooks doesn't clean' rule in our house...it works well because revenge would be easy if the system was abused and we both know it. Being adults it hasn't been an issue for a long time, not since the first month we lived together and were still getting used to shared duties (that month was the hardest of our relationship!)

Report
squishee · 07/02/2013 13:18

Hi wannabedomesticgoddess.

Argh, my ex DP used to do this (this is not why he is my ex!).

Why cook everything with a minimum of pots and pans and utensils when you can dirty them ALL? Especially as you won't be washing up, because you cooked?

When you cook, you clean. He should do the same IMO. Or you set up another cook-clean rule that suits you. He needs to know it's a problem in any case.

I think some people (men?) like to make the biggest deal possible about cooking.
Just wanted to commiserate more than anything, and let you know you're not alone!

Report
wannabedomesticgoddess · 07/02/2013 13:19

Hes back for an hour and has cleaned it. He will prob make me lunch too.

Hes not all bad :o

Its just the level of mess for something so simple.

OP posts:
Report
thesnowmanrocks · 07/02/2013 13:23

My dh does this too bless him. Although he will clean everything afterwards, but he takes forever. Say he cooked for 13:00 he would still be clearing up at 16:00! This is why he doesnt cook often!

Report
Autumn12 · 07/02/2013 13:24

My husband is the same. The other week he made a dinner of Chicken breasts, packet rice and salad leaves. You should have seen the state of the kitchen! He had used so many pots and utensils that you'd have thought he's cooked a roast for 30 people.

Report
sherazade · 07/02/2013 13:26

I thought it was just my dh who uses eveyr utensil going and leaves spices and peelings everywhere and makes more mess trying to swipe everything off onto a cloth because then everything lands on the floor. even if he washes up there will be water everywhere! the effort in cleaning up after him amounts to the effort I would need to cook so I'd rather he didn't cook at all sometimes.

Report
maninawomansworld · 07/02/2013 23:53

Clearing up after yourself is part and parcel of cooking. If DP cooks for me she does the same. TBH it's less work just to cook myself rather than clear up the devastation left behind when she's done it!

Report
wineandroses · 08/02/2013 00:09

DH does this too, bit of a standing joke that he must use every pot. He does try to clean it up though, but leaves things like cleaning down the surfaces, which I moan about. Then I feel guilty as he is a great cook and a lovely kind guy. He never moans about me - but then I clean as I go.

Report
AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree · 08/02/2013 02:39

If I cook, he does the dishes. If he cooks, I do the dishes. I thought that was the normal/polite way? Confused

Report
TheSkiingGardener · 08/02/2013 03:07

Oh Angel. If there is one thing I have learnt from Mumsnet, it's that there is no such thing as 'normal'.

I do 99% of the cooking and clear as I go. When DH cooks he clears afterwards. All of us happy here.

Report
AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree · 08/02/2013 03:10

Sometimes we do them together! Oh dear, now I don't know what we are! Wink

Report
Toadinthehole · 08/02/2013 04:09

It's certainly not just men. I think it is also South Africans.

When DW cooks she also leaves things in a heap.

She also uses lots of pots and will then leave them days (I know this because instead of doing them myself I asked her to do them, and then I left them).

She will do all manner of little things that make unnecessary mess, such as cutting bread without using a breadboard, and then drop crumbs everywhere while eating the sandwich.

She criticises me when I spend time at the weekend cleaning up. She says I should be spending time with the family instead.

I've just come in from work - to find breakfast and various other bits of detritus - clearly breakfast - so they've been there all day. It is the third time this has happened this week .

Her family are pretty similar.

I think it is a cultural thing. In South Africa one can hire a domestic help for the equivalent of five pounds a day. What's the point of being assiduous about housework in those circumstances?

It drives me round the twist, but I've reluctantly come to accept that the only solution is to move to South Africa and hire a maid.

Report
Toadinthehole · 08/02/2013 04:10

Just to add that just about every night I cook AND wash the dishes.

Report
AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree · 08/02/2013 04:14

Toad I used to work with SAs. Definitely a cultural thing with the maid so I feel your pain. I used to put their dirty dishes on their beds (worked on yachts) to get the point across. Thankfully it worked. But I don't think that would work for you!

Report
AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree · 08/02/2013 04:16

Just read your second post. Now that is BS. If she doesn't go out to work, she needs to start pulling her weight. You sound lovely though!

Report
wannabedomesticgoddess · 08/02/2013 10:30

Never knew that about South Africans. Interesting.

And ofcourse its women too. I just dont get it. Im quite methodical so the chaos is alien to me!

OP posts:
Report
JoanByers · 08/02/2013 12:16

Leave the bastards

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Toadinthehole · 08/02/2013 17:48

She just hates doing housework and particularly hates doing dishes. She's not a lazy person - she genuinely hates it. Fine - I do them, figuring that in every relationship one person pulls more weight overall, and in this relationship it happens to be me.

It does interest me though that she doesn't see doing such things as a necessary evil of living.

For what it's worth, there are advantages to her South-Africanness. She can turn herself into a human wrecking ball when confronted by an obstacle - human or otherwise.

Report
VitoCorleone · 08/02/2013 17:55

This really annoys me too about my DP, the mess he makes when cooking is UNBELIEVABLE. I often dont want to set foot in the kitchen if he's been cooking, its beyond a joke!

And if i mention it i usually get "i didnt have time to clean, i was busy cooking tea"

Funny that because when im cooking i still manage to clean as i go and keep the kitchen tidy

Report
BMW6 · 08/02/2013 19:48

My OH is incredibly messy too. He does try to clear up & wipe work surfaces etc but seems to have blind spots. One time I went into kitchen after he'd finished clearing up and there was a huge splash of gravy all over base unit door (a good 3 feet long), a) He just didn't see it and b) had no idea how he'd got it there!

Another time I found mint sauce on the dining room wall - I suspect done by his over vigourous stirring on way to dining room table.....

He's very good a breadcrumbing things too, but FFS the mess after.........

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.