to detest the poems requesting money as a wedding gift?

(286 Posts)
Moominlandmidwinter Tue 05-Feb-13 14:38:26

We've been invited to three weddings in the last year. Each invitation has included a vomit-inducing poem about how the bride and groom want money as a wedding gift. Is there really any need? I didn't have a gift list or any other kind of mention about what we would like included with the invitations when I married three years ago. We found that the majority of guests gave us money or vouchers anyway. It just feels so grabby. Will stick a fiver in the card though wink.

Yes, granted. In which case "give money only if you can" should be strongly stated. But that principle should apply to gifts also.

Arabesque1 Fri 22-Nov-13 11:24:46

I think most people do give money nowadays for that reason Pumpkin. But if someone's a bit hard up it can be a bit embarassing to be blatantly told that cash gifts only are wanted. At least, when you're buying a present, you can buy something inexpensive but which looks as if it cost more, or recycle an unwanted gift or think of something creative and meaningful.

The poems are beyond naff and I get people's visceral reaction to being blatantly asked for money. But so many couples live together before they marry these days and already have the traditional household wedding gifts aplenty anyway. What's the point of ending up with 50 x rolling pin? It's just a waste of money.

BoosterBondageSapphire Fri 22-Nov-13 10:45:50

I have reported your post shaylfc9

sparechange Fri 22-Nov-13 10:30:24

Elephant, outside of MN world, giftlists are fine and normal and I've never heard anyone moan about them.

The vast majority of department stores will have a bit on their website where you enter your names plus a code to get access to the giftlist, so just say which shop it is and what your code is and people will work it out from there.

The advantage of a store list is that you can chose when they are delivered, so you don't have a mamouth task at the end of the evening of having to lug everything home with you. Particularly useful if you are going straight off on a honeymoon!

WaitMonkey Fri 22-Nov-13 10:23:28

Zombie thread ! confused

BadLad Fri 22-Nov-13 09:59:04

I love reading the poems when people post them. I suppose it's similar to the amusement I get from watching Alan Partridge. I always pounce on a gift list thread I see.

KristinaM Fri 22-Nov-13 09:47:57

I like gift lists. Because I have no imagination and no taste. I am very happy to be able to choose something online and know that it's just what the couple wanted.

If they don't have a gift list I send a cheque or vouchers.

When I was more hard up I would just have bought a gift I could afford, if everything On the list was too expensive

shaylfc9 Fri 22-Nov-13 09:27:36

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shaylfc9 Fri 22-Nov-13 09:25:39

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Tavv Sun 22-Sep-13 19:28:28

It's impolite to mention gifts at all in an invitation. Asking for money is even worse.

Aniceperson Sun 22-Sep-13 19:18:52

If you really like the person who's wedding you are going too then you wouldn't really mind if they send out a poem or gift list. After all you should want the best for that couple. If you do not then I'm wondering why you were invited in the first place!! I'm sick of folk moaning about what right and what is not right to do!! The couple who are getting married have chosen a comfortable place entertainment food and sometimes drink and often transport to get you there so why moan about a poem. Go ahead buy them something they don't like and watch it getting sold on gum tree the following week! Cos that's what I would do!!

Aniceperson Sun 22-Sep-13 17:37:21

If you really like the person who's wedding you are going too then you wouldn't really mind if they send out a poem or gift list. After all you should want the best for that couple. If you do not then I'm wondering why you were invited in the first place!! I'm sick of folk moaning about what right and what is not right to do!! The couple who are getting married have chosen a comfortable place entertainment food and sometimes drink and often transport to get you there so why moan about a poem. Go ahead buy them something they don't like and watch it getting sold on gum tree the following week! Cos that's what I would do!!

christine44 Wed 18-Sep-13 19:29:09

Hate being asked for cash. Makes me feel we are paying for our seat at the wedding

clarasebal Wed 18-Sep-13 19:12:56

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SleepyFish Tue 27-Aug-13 13:55:16

I think it's entirely up to individual couples whether they invite children. But for me children are part of the family too and make a wedding more fun.
Other than the expense the main reason I'm not attending is because I have no childcare. All my babysitters will be at the wedding which is unreachable by public transport. The transport laid on leaves at 11.30am and returns at 1am!

MummyMUMMY87 Tue 27-Aug-13 13:47:20

How about setting up a 'gift list' on a website, however when guests log on, it's a list of things you already own :P

MummyMUMMY87 Tue 27-Aug-13 13:39:50

On that point SleepyFish, what are people's views on child free weddings?

MummyMUMMY87 Tue 27-Aug-13 13:38:47

And I'm not surprised you have!!!!

SleepyFish Tue 27-Aug-13 12:37:29

How refreshing MUMMY87.
I just received a wedding invitation from a very wealthy relative and her very wealthly fiance requesting cash towards their honeymoon in the Maldives!
As a not so wealthy single parent who's child isn't invited I politely declined.

MummyMUMMY87 Tue 27-Aug-13 12:30:54

We've just received a different one...

'Our wedding date we now have set,
you are invited to attend.
There is a little catch, however
we'd like to share with you, close family and friends.

**** won the Irish lotto,
(A fair amount, that's true).
So we plan to hold our wedding,
for your love and support, as our gift to you.

No travel costs or hotel fees,
This will be covered by us.
Just let us know your travel plans,
And we will sort the fuss.

We know this breaks tradition, all.
But God has blessed us with this windfall.

We ask that you don't bring a gift,
All we'd like you to bring,
Is yourselves and your presence,
As we exchange, with love, our rings.

Our evening do, then breakfast,
We will leave then for our honeymoon.
Please enjoy the hotel for the the rest of your stay,
With love, the bride and groom.'

Couldn't believe it!!!!!!!!!!!! (Will likely take a gift anyway!)

KittyLane1 Tue 11-Jun-13 20:46:36

moom I was at that wedding!!! Haha, who are you?!

soverylucky Tue 11-Jun-13 19:38:34

We got married with no gift list and only got one duplicate gift. all this stuff you hear about ten toasters - don't believe it. Most people do give money these days or something that isn't too OTT. Tbh - you should be grateful of anything. You should never expect a gift from anyone in any situation and if you don't like what they get you then tough.
Wedding presents used to be about helping a couple set up home. If a couple have already done this then there should be no gift grin

DryCounty79 Tue 11-Jun-13 18:43:16

Just noticed the date this discussion started. Bit late to the party! grin

DryCounty79 Tue 11-Jun-13 18:27:44

HappyMummy, I get your point, but some people ARE having a registry office and homemade buffet wedding and they still can't afford a honeymoon of any kind smile

I don't think there's anything wrong with people saying they'd like cash in lieu of gifts if a guest really wanted to get them something. Many people appreciate a fiver just as much as £50. And some put money they could have used for a honeymoon towards the extra food and drink needed to invite someone they really want there, or who would make a big stink if they weren't invited. So not everyone requesting cash as a gift is being grabby

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