to detest the poems requesting money as a wedding gift?

[Moominlandmidwinter]

We've been invited to three weddings in the last year. Each invitation has included a vomit-inducing poem about how the bride and groom want money as a wedding gift. Is there really any need? I didn't have a gift list or any other kind of mention about what we would like included with the invitations when I married three years ago. We found that the majority of guests gave us money or vouchers anyway. It just feels so grabby. Will stick a fiver in the card though .

[AnaisB]

I don't mind people saying they'd prefer money - as long as the request doesn't rhyme.

[vladthedisorganised]

I have (just about) come to terms with the requests for money, but the vomit-inducing poems are another matter. They never scan well.

I wonder if anyone's ever replied in kind:
"So happy for you on your special day
We hope great joy will come your way
And, while we know that others may
Choose to mark your wedding day
By giving you money for your pot
We thought that we had better not
We hunted low and hunted high
For a special gift to remember us by
And so we hope you will adore
This special, useful ironing board."

[pigletmania]

Lol vlad good one

[Moominlandmidwinter]

It's the rhyme that annoys me! A simple note saying that they'd appreciate a cash gift so that they can put it towards larger items (or similar) is fine. It's as though they're too ashamed to ask directly, so have to cloak their request with a twee poem.

'What we'd really like is a gift of money,
we hope you don't think we're being funny.'

Etc. Yuk.

[Moominlandmidwinter]

Vlad- brilliant!

[rumbelina]

Agreed. Don't mind people asking for money so they can buy things they want.

But the poems make me heave.

[havingastress]

I hate gift lists as well.

If I want to buy the couple something, I will ring and enquire as to whether there is a gift list. If not, then I would probably take something (gift candle, bottle of champers, something simple) or whack some cash in the card as per above.

I just think it's rude directly asking for something!! Just me I guess. I see the practicality of gift lists but do think it's rude to put them in with the invite.

[atthewelles]

LOL Vlad.

I actually think asking outright for money is rude. Nowadays most people will give gift cheques anyway, because its much handier than thinking of a present for someone who has all the crockery, cutlery and bed linen they need (unlike years ago when brides were often about 21 years of age and leaving home for the first time).
But some people can be embarassed into giving more than they can afford if they have to give a cash gift. I know a lot of pensioners for instance who buy thinks in sales to give as wedding gifts because they just can't afford to cough up a hundred quid or whatever the going rate is for wedding gifts.

And putting it in rhyme doesn't make it any less grabby.

[havingastress]

I think you should share the poem though

Go on, let's hear it!

[firesidechat]

Don't mind the requests for money because it's so much easier than hunting for a present.

Loath and detest the poems though. They are a bit naff and make me cringe inside.

[memphis83]

I hate them. Anyone who asks for money via a poem gets a photo album from us.
By bestfriend is getting married and I told them if they sent me a poem she would get an album. The have just sent a request for money towards s family holiday.
I am getting married and don't want to ask for anything thinking people would give money or vouchers if there was no gift list but family are trying to put pressure on to put a note in. So what would you prefer a request for money or no note? As long as people came I wouldn't care if we get anything but putting that sounds just as twee as a poem!

[Panzee]

"contact re gifts". Tell your family to ask for cash. Then you don't have to. :o

[ENormaSnob]

Yanbu

I think it crass to put any mention of presents/cash request in with the invitation.

The poems especially enrage me.

[vladthedisorganised]

My cousin had a nice one:
"We would love it if you could attend our wedding. The important thing to us is that as many of our friends and family can attend and enjoy themselves with us. However, some people have asked to buy us gifts so we've set up a small gift list with x; alternatively, if you want to buy us a beer for our honeymoon we'll raise a glass to you in x!"
They got more than the price of a pint from most relatives, but it was better than a vomitous verse.

[Moominlandmidwinter]

This is the latest one.

^For a couple of years we've lived in sin,
we have a toaster, a kettle and a stainless steel bin.
Saucepans and towels we have many,
Corkscrews and flannels, we don't need any.
We just want you with us to celebrate our day,
But if you insist on a gift anyway...

What we'd really like is a gift of money,
We hope you don't think we're being funny.
We'll put it all together and buy something that's best,
As a reminder of our day and our wonderful guests! X^

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Yes, they make me puke.

It is totally unnecessary to request money, anyway. Just send out an invitation, wait until people ask where your guest list is, and tell them you've got loads of practical stuff so please don't worry. They will then give you cash. Those who insist on giving you something else are those who really wanted to do that and would, almost certainly, have done it anyway.

And you won't piss anyone off with twee crappy verses.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

(Sorry, I am aware it's not 'you', OP, I'm just replying in my mind to the irritating twits out there.)

[ChuffMuffin]

I really don't like the poems. I agree with LRD. If you send me an invite with no poem in it I'll probably end up giving cash as a gift anyway, that I really don't mind. I don't mind reasonable gift lists (I went to a wedding once where the couple had a small wedding with a ridiculous gift list. £300 for a coffee maker, £80 crystal glasses.. none of us who went could afford anything like that, wtf!). But there's something special about the money poem that tips me over the edge..!

[Trills]

YANBU to detest the poems.

YABU to object to including the details of a gift list in an invitation.

Y a probably BU to object to requests for donations instead of gifts.

[PuffPants]

YANBU

I hate them too.

[Leeds2]

I loathe those poems with a vengeance!! Is anyone on MN brave enough to admit to having sent one at their own wedding, lol?

I also hate a gift list being included with the invite. No problem with one being produced if I ask!

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Well, in that case I am definitely 'U' since I slightly object to gift lists, let alone requests for donations.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Sorry, yes, I meant what leeds said, not that I object to them existing, but I object to being sent them with the invitation, it's rude.