To ask why do people 'loud parent'

(468 Posts)
ElevenCent Fri 01-Feb-13 18:24:01

This woman from my NCT group does it all the time with her DS when we all meet for coffee and it's just ridiculous. She literally verbalises every thing they do with a question at the end and some sort of lesson. Eg mummy can't find her phone in her handbag can she James? Phone, James, PHONE. We ring daddy on the phone don't we? / Mummy is going to get you a rice cake, isn't she James? But we only have three left don't we, till we get to the shops. One, two, three. Shops. SHOPS.

I do engage with DD, naturally, but nowhere near on this level!

Sorry, I know this isn't a new topic, but it is so ridiculous. A couple of times I've echoed it with "what is mummy going to do tonight DD, drink gin, that's right, GIN. What does mummy like with her gin? Tonic, that's
right isn't it DD? But she might need to have it neat tonight, isn't that right?" however she is usually too absorbed in explaining to him why coffee is hot, HOT, and why it is sometimes in a mug MUG, sometimes in a cup CUP and why only mummies MUM-MIES drink coffee and not babies BABIES and why and why and why and why and why

PurityBrown Fri 01-Feb-13 19:27:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peka Fri 01-Feb-13 19:27:56

I had a horrible moment of self-realisation today that I am, in fact, a loud parent. I don't know why it surprised me as I once managed to halt the work of an entire office just having a conversation with my mum on the phone (who, to be fair, acts as though the telephone weren't there at all and she is just shouting at me from Devon. It is quit hard not to match volume for volume). However in my DS's case it's mutual and he starts talking to himself when he wakes in the morning with the running commentary continuing through all waking hours. We sound totally obnoxious oh god.

Osmiornica Fri 01-Feb-13 19:28:38

Hmm, well I chat to my children about inane things. Sometimes they're the only people I talk to all day and I have to talk loudly as my eldest has hearing problems.

I do however know someone who only talks to me via their child which is very odd.

exoticfruits Fri 01-Feb-13 19:28:59

You do have to engage the DC-whenever I hear the loud parent it is quite clear that the DC has switched off completely and has it as background noise.

andubelievedthat Fri 01-Feb-13 19:32:18

hmmmm.... bet those 2 Jedward boys were parented like that !

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 01-Feb-13 19:38:15

lol at andub, it's exactly like Jedward, non-stop constant narrating of everyday life grin

KitchenandJumble Fri 01-Feb-13 19:40:38

I'm not annoyed by performance parenting, I find it hilarious. I was recently a witness to a remarkable scene. Father of three little ones, I would imagine ages 3, 4, and 6. They happened to be walking ahead of us on the way to a restaurant. He couldn't stop performing. "Yes, we all love to go to the Nepali restaurant, don't we? And you know where Nepal is, don't you?" Silence from the kids. "That's right, it's in the Himalayas. Yes, the Him-a-lay-as. And what is the tallest mountain there? You know what it's called, don't you?" Silence. "Yes, Mount Everest is what most people call it. But in Nepali it's called [insert Nepalese name]."

I could barely contain my glee when we entered the restaurant. There was a small television near the entrance, and all three children immediately surrounded it, slack-jawed. The father was beside himself. "Oh, yes, you don't watch television at home, do you? Yes, it must seem very exciting to you because you don't watch at home. Yes, I know, we don't have a television at home." He must have repeated himself about fourteen times. And then one child started to sing along to an advertising jingle. No T.V. at home, my hind foot! grin

BsshBossh Fri 01-Feb-13 19:40:38

I never did much of it but a fair few other parent friends did - irritating at times but never really bothered me. One mother was truly OTT but I simply saw her less.

YANBU for being irritated but YABU for letting it bother you.

MidnightMasquerader Fri 01-Feb-13 19:43:20

<snurk> KitchenandJumble grin

BsshBossh Fri 01-Feb-13 19:43:38

Aw catgirl1976 that wouldn't have bothered me at all, that's so sweet smile

JuliesSistersCousinsAuntsCat Fri 01-Feb-13 19:48:35

I could be guilty of this but then my DS, 22 months, is constantly chattering about everything around him. When we walk places, he likes to stop and look at cars/trees/people/birds/planes and will not stop referring to it until you acknowledge it's existence. It goes like this

DS - mama, teee
Me - yes, a tree

or;

DS - bird, bird, bird! Bird!
Me - (finally) yes, a bird. In the sky
DS - sy, sy, sy!
Me - yes, the sky

Today, he was pointing at books in a shop going '2, 2, 2!' It was the number 8 so I said, oh, 8. And then started 'ay, ay, ay'. As you can gather, he doesn't stop talking!

LaQueen Fri 01-Feb-13 19:56:58

"I wouldn't want them to stop-they are highly amusing!"

Well, exactly exotic it's hours of free entertainment grin

For all those over-keen Mums who think their children will have delayed speech development, unless they keep up a constant running commentary on everything and anything they do 24/7...don't stress it.

Language acquisition ain't like that.

LaQueen Fri 01-Feb-13 20:05:07

Whenever I witness Loud Parenting...

'Look Saskia, an aeroplane...remember we flew on one when we flew to MAURITIUS last year, on our holidays...say MAURITIUS, Saskia...try again...MAURITIUS...yes, that's right...aren't you clever...and do you remember how an aeroplane stays up in the sky, do you...remember we talked about propulsion and AERODYNAMICS...remember...AERODYNAMICS...remember Saskia, and you asked some very clever questions about AERODYNAMICS, didn't you...ad infinitum

Invaribaly, Saskia is trying to insert her finger up her nose, or is actually oblivious, and is far more fascinated with the toggle on her coat.

countrykitten Fri 01-Feb-13 20:08:06

There are more important things to get annoyed about than a Mum interacting with her baby aren't there? I LOVE to see parents chatting away to tiny babies who are clearly taking it all in and loving the interaction. Isn't this as it should be?

Worried actually that your OP will make parents who feel silly and self conscious (why??) doing this even more so and like they are being judged.

scottishmummy Fri 01-Feb-13 20:13:04

love loud parents the loud precocious braggy commentary to saskia et al

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 01-Feb-13 20:13:53

tbf to the OP she was trying to have a coffee with this woman, the constant narration to the baby does get in the way of the conversation somewhat. It's different to talking at/to the baby when it's just the two of you.

Chottie Fri 01-Feb-13 20:14:05

My local Waitrose is full of these mothers - that is why I do not shop on Saturday afternoons. The store just vibrates to the sound of all those parents talking in their 'special' voices. What's wrong with just talking normally?????

I have no problem with parents talking to their DC, it's the over verbalising and being forced to 'share the experience'.smile

I am a loud parent.

You will hear me in supermarkets saying Child, get here, child we cant play tig, child we don't need 4 blocks of cheese, right sit in the trolley

grin

He does run straight to the fish counter though and shouts dead fish mum, dead fish, aww fish dead. Every single time we go

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Fri 01-Feb-13 20:20:12

There is an enormous difference between talking to your child a lot and incessant LOUD PARENTING.

Take for instance a woman whose son goes to the school my son attends. We were waiting outside for school to end. Her daughter was running around a bit as kids do and she was raising her voice slightly to talk to her daughter, until.... she suddenly started talking RIDICULOUSLY loudly when she said "Oh, those noises you are making! PHONICS LESSONS HAVE A LOT TO ANSWER FOR, DON'T THEY, MY LITTLE DARLING!" The child was 3 at the time.

YANBU and I say that as a childminder who also talks constantly to her kids no matter the age of the child.

ElsieMc Fri 01-Feb-13 20:34:12

Love the bacony knees talk at the supermarket, but that is not loud parenting. It's funny, loving parenting which makes other's smile. Loud parenting is over enunciating everything, over doing absolutely everything and never leaving the poor bloody child alone to be a child.

There is one mother in every class and you start to dislike their poor DC's because you don't want them near you because of the loud parenting parent. Sad really, because one such little girl made a bid for escape in an assembly last week and as she passed me, she gave me a gorgeous little smile as she got away!

PurityBrown Fri 01-Feb-13 20:42:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 01-Feb-13 20:47:27

I think I 'quiet parent' i.e. I constantly tell them to shush, when they ask me, loudly on the bus, 'why is that lady fat? Has she eaten too many sweets? Is that lady very old? Is that lady pregnant? I know how the baby got in there. Is it going to come out of her bottom? That lady has a beard' and so on and so on.

Perhaps I should start talking non-stop, then they wouldn't have a chance to say these things.

fossil971 Fri 01-Feb-13 20:47:47

One of my DC had speech delay and I was told to talk to him/give him running commentary on life. All that "Oh look a bus, it's a big red bus, we go on the bus don't we?". After a year or so of that it took a while to break the habit!

OTOH (hopefully not linked) the DC can be bad listeners so at times I have had to be excessively LOUD and POSITIVE about the smallest things like WALKING REALLY NICELY NOT HITTING YOUR BROTHER. Or is that just plain shouting?

My DC also ask questions constantly so I am constantly stuck with explaining to them how engines work or why shops have revolving doors or why you can't walk to the planet Mars, so I probably sound like a pushy parent too. I doubt anyone you perceive as loud does it just to show off or annoy, honest. Some people are just more talkative that others in all kinds of situations.

TheBlackBagBorderBinLiner Fri 01-Feb-13 20:48:27

Now my girls are at school, I talk to the dog:

'Look there's a horse in that field. Did you see a squirrel? Yes I saw it's bushy tail, look at it jump. Would you like a biscuit, is that a hungry face?....'

The last time i went on a train with my mum she turned to me and said 'Look, horses in that field, do you think we'll see some sheep, I like sheep, your dog complete softy would like some sheep, would n't she, oh look! over there....'

i am nearly 40, must try harder not to end up like my mum.

VinegarDrinker Fri 01-Feb-13 20:50:39

I chat to DS constantly. Not particularly loudly. His speech is pretty advanced (23 months, been talking in full sentences for ages) and between us it's rare for my DH to get a word in edgeways...

One of my NCT friends literally cannot talk to her DS in public. She always asks me what I talk to DS about. I don't know how to answer, it's just second nature to me to talk to him. Her DS has maybe 10 recognisable words.

Now I have no idea if it's genetics, parenting, random chance or whatever, but I certainly won't be trying to stop myself talking to him any time soon.

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