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AIBU to not expect my daughter to have to go to A&E following playdate?

(186 Posts)
WileyRoadRunner Fri 01-Feb-13 14:01:38

Ok will try and explain all without dripfeeding but have been made to feel i am BU so looking for opinions...

DD age 8 went to a friends house - there were to be 4 girls. Unknown to me there were also 4 older boys going. Whilst there apparently there was play fighting with wooden swords. This escalated and my DD decided she no longer want to play and went into another bedroom with one of the other girls (lets say A).

This led to the 6 other children swearing at my child and calling her names.

At this point the father of A who had turned up early went upstairs. He witnessed the boys with the wooden sword and told them to be careful. The girls would not tell him what was wrong but did not want to play with the others and were very quiet.

They then came down and asked A's dad to take them home.

When he dropped DD off he stated that he didn't think things had gone very well and that his DD was very upset. When DD got undressed her legs were bruised, bleeding and hugely swollen. My husband took her to A&E where it turns out she has a chipped kneecap.

The following day i get a sheepish phonecall from the host's mother asking if my DD was ok as the girl's all seemed "tense" with each other. I told her what had happened. She said she would look into it. I was perfectly reasonable but said i was unhappy with what had taken place.

As it turns out the phone call was prompted by A's dad calling her and complaining about the same thing....

I left it at that.

I then get an email saying that none of it ever happened and basically calling my daughter a liar. I know that what DD is telling me is true as not only does she have the injuries, the swear words she told me were used are very particular and these children have apparently used these in the past. A's dad also went upstairs several times and what he says correlates with the version i have been told.

The host's mum does not know that A's dad has spoken to me.

So after being lambasted in an email was i really being U when asked if my DD was ok to say no? Apparently her children swearing although she says now that it didn't happen is them experimenting and exploring words.

FWIW another child apparently broke their nose that evening!!!

HecateWhoopass Sun 03-Feb-13 09:33:46

Bloody hell.

That's awful, it really is.

how can they justify not being interested in something like that?!

simplesusan Sun 03-Feb-13 10:45:31

I wouldn't let dd go to this woman's house again. However I would let the girl come to your house IF your dd asks.

YANBU at all.
Accidents do happen but this mother is defending what happened when clearly any rational person would know that it is inexcusable.

Thumbwitch Sun 03-Feb-13 11:31:10

When I suggested involving the police, it was more aimed at the mother for her, in my view, inexcusable refusal to accept responsibility in any way for what had happened to your DD, Wiley.
Yes, accidents do happen - but normally people are hugely apologetic, can't do enough to make it up to you and reassure you that it will never happen again - not pretend it never happened in the first place!
However, if this happened to two girls, it doesn't suggest an accident at all but deliberate targetting.

Anyway. The police aren't interested, there's nothing more to be done there. I think that you have done all you can do - your DD seems happy enough to let it lie now, her friend apologised, the brother and mother are clearly people to avoid and you've already decided to achieve that by not letting your DD go to her friend's house any more, so now all that you can do is hope that your DD's knee has no long-lasting after-effects from the bone chip. Did the docs give any indication of what could happen, how big the chip is etc.? Sometimes a loose bone chip, if it's shard-like, can cause soft tissue damage - hope this doesn't happen.

BegoniaBampot Sun 03-Feb-13 14:26:18

op - sound like you've handled the situation as well as you could. hope all goes well for the future.

socharlotte Sun 03-Feb-13 14:47:03

I am going to go against the grain here.
It seems as though your dd and A were willingly joining in the playfighting, until they then got hurt and withdrew to another room.
I can understand your annoyance at the playdate mum wasn't supervising the kids better.But calling it 'beating' and 'assault' and calling police is just ridiculous.It was a game your Dc was playing!

WileyRoadRunner Sun 03-Feb-13 15:59:44

I had considered that angle socharlotte and it would put my mind at rest if I could believe that is genuinely what happened .... But I just can't. My daughter just isn't in to that kind of game and surely it must be known that hitting with such force as to give that kind of injury, is not appropriate behaviour.

Also surely it moves from a game to something else when a child leaves the room and then is sworn at for refusing to take part or more likely because she threatened to tell perhaps.

Either way the main thing that has aroused my concern is the mothers complete lack of apology/concern and refusal to accept HER children behaved inappropriately.

I think I will just move on and leave things. Unfortunately I don't think I could have her DD round to play here as I would worry, given the mothers personality, that it would be fraught with difficulties plus I just can't bear to have anything to do with her

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 03-Feb-13 18:28:37

I would have to contact the mother again, i think. She will know something's up when playdates stop happening, and that will potentially affect the girls' friendship anyway.

take photos and send them to her.

even better if you took photos on the day.

MariusEarlobe Sun 03-Feb-13 18:38:35

Gosh, I felt bad enough handing my friends ds over after a play date yesterday with a small scrape on his tummy from the park! I apologised profusely (sp?)

We came back with my dd who had fell of her scooter and had battered knees and a bloody nose and her ds who has scraped his tummy (only small thanks god)

If this had happened at my house I would be mortified! Accidents happen and my friends ds is a dare devil and has various scars from hospital incidents in his own home to the point mum has said not to panic if he breaks anything with me she wont blame me shock

but this does not sound like an accident!

socharlotte Sun 03-Feb-13 18:40:17

I think all you can do is draw a line under it, and not let her go there again

Yfronts Sun 03-Feb-13 18:51:27

List in an email everything that you know happened and who witnessed it. Include broken nose and hospital visit details. Explain her children are liers and list the language they used.

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