to want to know, how you deal with nosey questions you don't want to answer?

(45 Posts)
redbobblehat Tue 29-Jan-13 11:42:05

family do coming up, will see realatives i havent seen in years.

i expect i will be asked all sorts of nisey questions i do not want to anwser, for various reasons

so what are good responses to questions you dont want ot answer?

i use

we'll see......

not sure......

not at the moment.......

i have various reasons.......

what do you say?

ArtVandelay Tue 29-Jan-13 22:46:44

Personally, I like ahhaha- goodness, you are funny Haha.. subject change.

If its about money or property I will say oh dear, you can't ask an English person questions like that - we simply can't discuss that! Subject change. Not sure this will work with another English person.

Both imply the asker is a bit daft and provincial. I find this approach works well. Overall, confidence is the key.

Idreamofafullnightssleep Tue 29-Jan-13 22:45:41

I just go for the cringe factor!

We always got asked when we were going to have children and after years of going 'we are having too much fun' etc I just turned round to people and told them I couldn't have children. The look on their faces always amused me especially as they tried to apologise and backtrack. I would like to hope that they would think again before asking the same question and maybe/probably upsetting someone.

I now have stock answers for questions I get about my DS who we adopted last year. It is great that people take an interest but it is his story to tell not mine and I have some vague answers so I am not rude as I can understand people wanting to know how the system works etc.

LittleChimneyDroppings Tue 29-Jan-13 22:39:57

Just say "nosey aren't you?" with a big smile on your face. And if they carry on then tell them to mind their own beeswax, in the nicest possible way.

LineRunner Tue 29-Jan-13 22:38:59

My DSis says 'Who knows?' and laughs. She's very good at this kind of thing.

totallyfrazzled Tue 29-Jan-13 22:36:10

I've been used to this as, when expecting twins, i was constantly asked by total strangers "is it IVF?'
When a dear friend asked the same question in a tentative and tearful way, I of course, gave an honest answer as I knew why she was asking. (Ie she had been trying for a while, it wasn't happening and she was desperate for help)
For the total strangers who I thought had the most unbelievable nerve - I mean, who the hell did they think they were asking such a question, and why did they think they deserved an answer?? I would just lie blatantly in answer, which i think is all they deserved and frankly as they were complete strangers who I would never see again, it did not matter a hoot to me that I was dishing out a load of total rubbish.

In a long winded way, I am trying to say, if you think they are out of order asking a particular question, they deserve a ridiculous answer....let your imagination run riot!!

redbobblehat Tue 29-Jan-13 21:43:59

when are you going back to work? - you mean I haven't actually been working all this time? darn I could have had lie-ins. lol at this

redbobblehat Tue 29-Jan-13 21:43:21

no i justdon't like being asked various questions, from people i'm not keen on

DontmindifIdo Tue 29-Jan-13 21:40:13

When I was asked when I'd be having a next child at a wedding when DS was 18 months, I smiled and said, "not sure, but I know so many people who haven't been able to have any children, I feel so blessed to have him, he's such a love isn't he? MIL was saying how much he looks like DH did at that age, what do you think?"

Now, I thought Id dealt with that well, however the general concensus after that in DH's family was that I couldn't have any more DCs, so possibly not the way to go...

For work type questions, do you have an answer to it? Do you have a plan for being SAHM or going back after a set amount of time? Is it that you feel you are being judged by the question? Like there's a right and wrong answer?

MerlotAndMe Tue 29-Jan-13 21:31:07

"ah is this the charming English reserve?"

(but this works better as I'm foreign)

carabos Tue 29-Jan-13 21:29:28

I find that the answer "well you always want more don't you" works surprisingly well as an all-purpose neutral answer. Try it...
Nosey q about money - answer "Well you always want more don't you?"
Nosey q about kids/ prospective pregnancies "Well you always want more don't you?"
Nosey q about moving house - "well you always want more don't you?".

It's a slightly odd response which could make sense and makes the inquisitor pause in a "is it me?" kind of way.

sixlostmonkeys Tue 29-Jan-13 21:28:57

when are you going to have another child? - Not sure, we are thinking of breeding alligators instead.

when are you going back to work? - you mean I haven't actually been working all this time? darn I could have had lie-ins.

what are your plans? - World domination followed by a new carpet for the living room.

DoItToJulia Tue 29-Jan-13 21:24:26

I say "I don't answer personal questions!" But in a cheeky way....

Throws 'em right off!

toomuchbother Tue 29-Jan-13 21:24:07

"Oh, I haven't decided/thought about it yet" works for me!

deste Tue 29-Jan-13 21:21:47

I would just say, wait and see. There is no point in being rude.

redbobblehat Tue 29-Jan-13 21:17:28

stuff like when are you goign ot have another child, when are you going back to work, what are your plans etc?

ImperialBlether Tue 29-Jan-13 19:56:38

What are they likely to ask you, OP?

redbobblehat Tue 29-Jan-13 19:30:25

if you can tell me how it's any of your business, I'd be happy to discuss it with you

ohh thats good

BumpingFuglies Tue 29-Jan-13 18:36:17

"Not sure really....how are your piles?"

badtemperedaldbitch Tue 29-Jan-13 18:12:54

I always say 'ha ha ha, now what about.......'
And change the subject.

It works because they think you are a looney.......

Jamdoughnutfiend Tue 29-Jan-13 18:08:34

Depends on how rude forthright I am feeling - my favourite it " if you can tell me how it's any of your business, I'd be happy to discuss it with you"

elizaregina Tue 29-Jan-13 18:07:29

i dont know if its been said but i always like the technique of answering a question you dont want by asking another questin and putting them in the hot seat.

kitbit Tue 29-Jan-13 18:00:48

'Oh that's an interesting question!'
Followed by a big smile and a change of subject. Drives MIL nuts HAHAHA

amicissimma Tue 29-Jan-13 17:52:48

'If I told you I'd have to kill you'.

CailinDana Tue 29-Jan-13 16:34:45

I just say "I don't know," or "I haven't thought about it," or I just ignore the question. If it's a leading question, beloved of my mother, like "You don't really mind if anything goes wrong in labour do you?" (in response to me shock horror wanting a homebirth) I just give a one word response (in this case, "No") and don't react. Goading questions are the worst, it's so hard not to rise to them.

theodorakisses Tue 29-Jan-13 16:26:25

When we first lived abroad, women on buses used to ask me how many children I had (aged 20 something) and I said none and they used to say "why, what wrong, you cancer, your husband broken, God will hate you" I used to smile and plug my earphone back into, later on and extremely and satisfyingly, the Russell Brand radio show podcast.

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