to sometimes think that SAHMs are "living the dream" and really envy them

(462 Posts)
Fizzler99 Thu 24-Jan-13 10:54:29

Ok so I don't have kids yet.

I work ridiculously long hours (as in out the house 6.30am-8pm minimum and often work late nights and weekends too). I have a long commute each way (can't afford to live where I work as property so expensive) and the job is very, very high stress. I earn a decent wage, but I am quite junior so I'm not on mega-money despite what my friends and family seem to think

I don't intend to keep this job forever, but I need to establish myself in my choosen career then I can hopefully 'down-grade' to something less stressful.

One of my colleagues has just given up work to become a SAHM. It just sounds like living the dream. No more waiting on cold station platforms for delayed trains at 6.30am, no more hideous commute, no more stressful job and nagging boss and office politics, no more late night working and surviving on takeaway or the contents of the office vending machine for weeks at a time. I am so jealous! envy

Please give me a much-needed reality check. Please tell me the reality of being a SAHM. For those of you that have gone from having a quite high-flying career to SAHM, please tell me how the two compare. I think I really need a reality check!

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Sat 26-Jan-13 20:08:07

Aah I'm not sure about this.

On the one hand I would LOVE to be there everyday looking after my children and not missing a single thing, without worrying about work on my days off and things like that.

On the other hand, I like working. I'm not earning that much at the moment, but in a few years time I may be in a position to give them a much better standard of living. I have better prospects than my partner and if it means that I am the breadwinner then so be it.

There are pros and cons to both situations I think.

achillea Sat 26-Jan-13 19:40:26

She not back yet? Must be too busy working.

Ah I remember the days when having babies was what other people did.

extracrunchy Sat 26-Jan-13 10:47:46

Where's OP?!

BreatheandFlyAway Sat 26-Jan-13 00:57:02

Exit - There are many different chapters in our lives. I am entering a new one and this gave me heart!

OP, I have done the long hours pre kids, the SAHM and now the p/t working with dcs. All have their challenges. SAHM was never a doss in the park and the emotional draining was hard, along with the unremitting dull labour of housework and the gritty aspects of childcare.

Other side of the coin was that I was there all the time for my dcs' early years - a gift.

I loved my pre-kids job and missed it greatly in retrospect but found it hard at the time, all those early mornings of getting respectable, sitting on tubes and conforming! But then, being good at a job, interacting and laughing with like minded people, access to good coffee bars, the sheer fun of it at times... Enjoy this chapter for what it offers and bear in mind it won't last for ever!

madmomma Fri 25-Jan-13 23:37:50

Being a SAHM can be the best job in the world one day and the worst job the next day. it's bloody hard and exhausting when you've two or more pre-schoolers. But I just could not hand over my babies to anyone else to look after for more than an hr or so. Unless I couldn't put food on the table without working, I'd always be at home with mine. I'll have to cross the career bridge when I come to it.

BarredfromhavingStella Fri 25-Jan-13 22:27:02

Ooops no fuckin idea why that posted twice, perhaps that's how strongly I feel about it grin

BarredfromhavingStella Fri 25-Jan-13 22:25:45

I couldn't stand to be a SAHM but that's just me-I work 2 days a week & adore those 2 days. Hot cuppa's & lunch all to myself along with adult (well most of the time) conversation & a bit of intelligent stimulation-what's not to love???

BarredfromhavingStella Fri 25-Jan-13 22:24:29

I couldn't stand to be a SAHM but that's just me-I work 2 days a week & adore those 2 days. Hot cuppa's & lunch all to myself along with adult (well most of the time) conversation & a bit of intelligence stimulation-what

pourmeanotherglass Fri 25-Jan-13 22:17:46

well it isn't my dream, but some people enjoy it - In a perfect world, I would have taken longer than 6 months mat leave after DD2, but I definitely wouldn't want to be still at home once they started school.

achillea Fri 25-Jan-13 22:14:48

I still don't get why OP started this thread as she hasn't even got kids yet.

janey68 Fri 25-Jan-13 22:08:37

Achillea- possibly, i don't know, I was simply going by this thread where it seems to be predominantly SAHM who are commenting on the grind of poo, vomit and watching cbeebies for the 500th time!

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 22:08:28

stupick to finding deep feelings,and inner unicorns
your factual assertions are way off
I've never felt guilt about nursery use or working ft.why would I?

MrsKoala Fri 25-Jan-13 22:05:00

google it scottish, you can get t shirts and everything.

achillea Fri 25-Jan-13 22:04:38

www.youtube.com/watch?v=SziaObHHBk8

for scottishmummy - apparently it's a Glee thing.

achillea Fri 25-Jan-13 22:02:33

Janey there are probably as many working women feeling bad that they can't be at home with their children as there are SAHMs feeling sad that they aren't working. And they all come together on mumsnet and start a bunfight.

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 22:02:20

I made inner unicorn up,on hoof so to speak.hope some hippy moon goddess hasn't stolen it
Im imaging all the knit your own yoghurt hemp goddesses with inner unicorns

achillea Fri 25-Jan-13 21:57:05

You're supposed to google words before you use them Koala!

MrsKoala Fri 25-Jan-13 21:55:53

i realise my last 2 posts my have contradicted my assertion that i am 'finally grown up' blush

MrsKoala Fri 25-Jan-13 21:54:37

omg i just googled inner unicorn and it actually is a real actual thing! haha

janey68 Fri 25-Jan-13 21:54:32

Achillea- I see what you are saying, but what I find sad and a little ironic is that the people on this thread who fit your description - finding it diffiicult to experience the joy and wonder in parenting, are the SAHM who by their own admission are depressed, or bored and finding it all a grind.

I concur with what you say that being a parent is an amazing wondrous journey - but that is a separate issue from working or not.

MrsKoala Fri 25-Jan-13 21:53:25

and i am riding around on my inner unicorn as i type. smile

suebfg Fri 25-Jan-13 21:52:34

Being a SAHM isn't for everyone. I love going to work (although I work part-time). I like having my own independence, enjoy being in the office and achieving things outside out of the home. I wouldn't change it for the world.

MrsKoala Fri 25-Jan-13 21:52:11

ha! no sorry achi, i was being un funny. i meant ds is my boss now. i was comparing shit things about my old job in a call centre to shit things about my new job as a sahm.

i agree tho i have changed so much since ds. i feel as tho i am finally grown up.

scottishmummy Fri 25-Jan-13 21:48:49

that read like clintons cards, find your inner unicorn,discover your goddess

achillea Fri 25-Jan-13 21:46:39

I do think it's sad that people don't appreciate the things they gain when they look after children, like I said earlier, you find out all sorts of strengths and capabilities when you look after children that no training, job or qualification could teach you. The process of dedicating yourself to your children even just for a short while is quite unique. It is a kind of a journey you take. And you learn where you really fit - what you want from life. Everything is turned upside down but when the dust settles it all makes sense.

MrsKoala - are you a carer? Why the vomit?

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