I don't buy/use second hand, ie clothes, electricals, toys, shoes, etc (New to MN)

(243 Posts)
HowTerriblyEngliscOfMe Sun 20-Jan-13 01:08:17

Nor have I ever. Not as a child, not as a teenager, not as an adult and now, not as a parent. If you have the money to not to need to go second hand for things, why are others so disgusted at the concept that you don't? I understand why people do it even when they don't need to, and I know there are plenty of people who don't have any other choice, but why can't people just leave me to it? It's my family, my home and my decision.

It's my mil who gets the most distressed about it. She will go on at me about it every chance she gets and I really don't understand what her problem is. I don't NEED to save that extra few hundred pounds, I don't NEED to buy toys and clothes in charity shops, I don't NEED to buy my electricals from eBay, so what is her problem?

When we started collecting things in preparation of our first child's birth, she was so weirdly mortified that dp and I were going out buying new nursery furniture and clothes, car seat, soft toys etc. She would utterly panic when we would mention that we were researching cots or buggies.

"But this person had a baby last year, you could have theirs! I'm sure they wouldn't mind! Let me get you their number..."

It got worse when dd was born she would come and thrust other peoples old baby clothes at me and continue to suggested people who had things they could give us, or come bringing baby toys from charity shops. Eventually I got so frustrated with it, I just told her outright to stop, quite forcefully actually. But it just continued a few years later when ds was born and it still continues today.

Do people really think IABU? Why? Anyone else out there like me?

HecateWhoopass Sun 20-Jan-13 07:36:51

indeed, ll31.

I, otoh, LOVE second hand stuff. Not just charity shops, but smelly old jumble sales and rifling through people's junk rooms blush

I would never interpret someone saying that they prefer to buy new as an attack on my love of rummaging grin

nonpractisingVirgin Sun 20-Jan-13 07:42:00

YANBU to leave the second hand stuff for those who want/need it and to keep the economy going. Also your Mil sounds like most people of that generation - obsessed with not wasting anything. However, the way you've worded your post is just a little bit condescending

foreverondiet Sun 20-Jan-13 07:43:48

I buy mostly new but I happily accept hand me down clothes and toys which I think is more green than buying new. I also sometimes buy stuff from eBay. But not out of financial need.I think you are being a little unreasonable and I don't know why you posted.

YANBU.

I do a mixture myself, a lot of DSs stuff we bought new as we're the first in our family and friends to have children. That said a friend of a friend with a baby passed on to me a huge sack of high end high street baby clothes which were hardly worn. I was thrilled!

When I'm done with my things I'll either sell them on at a local nearly new sale or politely ask if anyone I know would like them.

My mum was born just after the war and remembers rationing and very hard times. As a result she never threw anything out and was always after a bargain and got her judgy pants on at anyone to proud to go into charity shops. Each to their own!

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Sun 20-Jan-13 07:54:00

YANBU actually.

I do occasionally buy second hand things, such as me and OH have been to the carboot a few times and bought a few DVDs, a couple of in good condition toys for DS. No biggy.

I was horrified however when my dad came home with a second hand high chair that had all bits of food stick in all its crevices. It was minging and not to mention ripped where the reins are. He honestly shouldn't have bothered lol. And when me and OH bought DS a Cosatto pram brand new and he asked us how much it was, he couldn't quite grasp that we wanted to buy it new and was horrified at the price of it.

teacher123 Sun 20-Jan-13 07:54:23

I am a bit similar to you OP, I am not keen on second hand things unless I know well the person who gave them to me. The thought of buying baby stuff off eBay makes me uncomfortable, and I KNOW it's completely irrational. I've been given second hand clothes from a couple of friends which I am incredibly grateful for, and a jumperoo and various other bits and bobs which were a godsend. All DS's clothes he's outgrown are stored in the loft ready to pass on to my sister if she has a baby, or for us to keep for the next one.

BikeRunSki Sun 20-Jan-13 07:56:33

Have you ever been to a landfill site OP? I think everyone should have a school field trip to one, and a waste processing plant, to appreciate how much "stuff" there is in the world (certainly the industrialised first world). It might make people think a bit more about how much they need to buy new.

lougle Sun 20-Jan-13 08:01:42

you do see the irony that you take all your no longer required items to charity shops, when you feel it's beneath you to use other people's no longer required items?

I'm amazed that anyone could give two hoots where another person acquired goods from
Thank god I don't know anyone who would even think about it let alone cast judgement

I

bakingaddict Sun 20-Jan-13 08:20:05

What's the problem with buying new because you've got the money and that's what you are used to. I'll buy stuff at a car boot and off ebay but I have an irrational dislike of going into charity clothes.

I think it's the smell of slightly musty clothes that really puts me off but i'd never condemn anybody for going into one, so why condemn people who choose to buy in a high street store. It's just simply a lifestyle choice. If you bulk shop in the sales then i'm sure you can get new clothes for not much less than you'd pay at the charity shops anyway

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 20-Jan-13 08:58:25

Of course YANB unreasonable, I have wealthy relatives who never buy anything second-hand unless it is an antique.
I do, I like the money saving aspect, the environmental impact and the variety that is out there.
I live in a posh area with numerous charity shops and a population that seems to have a lot of people who like to upgrade their wardrobe frequently and their possessions generally. Suits me fine.
Your issue with your MIL is more that she's not listening to what you want for your lives and your children, so however lovely she's trying to be, I'd put in some rules and stick to them, including telling her that all second-hand stuff will be regifted to the charity shop. Then I'd smile and do it.

MrsDeVere Sun 20-Jan-13 09:04:06

'why the hate?'

I can answer that.
There isn't any.
Nobody really cares.

So you can relax now.

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 20-Jan-13 09:07:31

grin

peggyblackett Sun 20-Jan-13 09:10:58

YANBU

However I love secondhand bargains. I scored a BN copy of Dear Zoo, a Mini Bodem dress for dd2 and a paperback for me all for £4.50 yesterday. What's not to love about that?

fourfingerkitkat Sun 20-Jan-13 09:15:27

Don't think you ABU in the slightest...especially since you said you are not struggling financially and this was for your first child. When we had our first I wanted everything new, having been made redundant and had another baby since then my priorities have changed (a little).

I'll happily accept clothes for both kids now if I know where they've came from. A neighbour's DD is about 6 months older than my DD and she likes labels so DD has received some lovely wee dresses and coats in recent months. However I am a bit uncomfortable buying the kids clothes from charity shops (though I'll happily donate stuff). Can't rationally explain it. Will buy books and other household items without much thought, but not their clothes (unless I can see a label on it and know it hasn't been worn). The irony is I would buy myself second hand clothing....

YANBU. I see you got a beating here. There is nothing wrong to want new stuff. That is how our modern economy is built. Consumerism. I don't like second hand. My cr is bran new when I got it. Some friends think I'm stupid to buy a brand new car because of depreciation, but I like the new car smell! I like buying my DD clothes new because it is easier. I buy her toys new because it is easier. I don't want to spend my weekend in charity shops and I have to drive to even get to one.

I try to be green by free cycling or ebaying all my old stuff.

Do whatever you like. You aren't hurting anyone by buying new.

Does anyone really care where anyone buys their things from?

I do love a good charity shop rummage, having volunteered in them after school from a young age I lost my 'eww' response with it.

I especially love the post sale department store clear outs. You can find amazing clothes for a few quid. But that's me.

Each to their own.

stargirl1701 Sun 20-Jan-13 09:24:26

It's Eco friendly. We bought everything second hand for our LO except the car seat.

greenpostit Sun 20-Jan-13 09:29:16

I feel a bit mixed about 2nd hand staff.

Eg I will happily accept a school jumper that a friend's child has just outgrown.

However, I saw a post on mn by a person who wanted to sell their buggy on eBay. Unfortunately it had been in her garage for a good while and had gone mouldy. Se was asking for tips to remove the mould so she could sell it. I would be very very unhappy about buying a buggy that had visible mould removed but possibly had spores remaining and that was going to go by my baby's face. And not knowing about it.

Anyway I think the real issue is being missed. It is fine to buy new or 2nd hand but the most ethical thing to do is to pass it to eBay/charity/friend when finished with it. The unethical thing is to have your garage and loft stuffed with mountains of stuff that someone else could have used, but actually it's busy going mouldy or musty and becoming useless and possibly even needing to be land filled!

You 2nd hand lovers need people like the op to buy new stuff so you can get it 2nd hand! Hope none of you are hoarding stuff seeing as you are lecturing the op.

pingu2209 Sun 20-Jan-13 09:32:37

My husband earns a great wage, I still buy second hand clothes, and quite often shoes. I very rarely buy anything new. I buy a lot of toys second hand too. I bought a fantastic snow suit for my daughter for 99p on ebay plus £3.50 postage - Bargain!

ArtexMonkey Sun 20-Jan-13 09:32:57

The sad face was a nice touch op. yes we all feel your pain. sad

BegoniaBampot Sun 20-Jan-13 09:37:17

but if someone hadn't bought it new once, then folk woudn't be able to feel all warm and fuzzy and eco friendly (smug).

nicelyneurotic Sun 20-Jan-13 09:37:59

YANBU. I dislike second-hand stuff too, unless I know where it has come from. I wouldn't have a problem with something from a friend but not keen on charity shop things. They always seem a bit grubby.

Love Marceline's honesty - can totally see where you're coming from.

CatsRule Sun 20-Jan-13 09:40:11

I think each to their own. I buy a bit of both but where ds's safety is concerned I insisted in researching a good brand bew car seat.

My mil wanted us to have one she found in a warehouse! Some things secondhand are absolutely fine, it's personal choice, but others like car seats, in my opinion, should be new if you can afford it.

I always said to my dh that I wasn't fussy about anything for ds except the car seat and mattress which had to be new and good quality.

I buy new and used from ebay...I love ebay!

It is a personal choice though and there was a time where I would never have bought second hand but if I look at what's in my own home, some of our clothes still have labels on them and have never been worn. There are lots of things like that on ebay and in charity shops...I like to get a bargain whether I have the money to buy new or not...it's usually not though grin

Eskarina Sun 20-Jan-13 09:43:50

I think YANBU especially for this:
"But this person had a baby last year, you could have theirs! I'm sure they wouldn't mind! Let me get you their number..."
This is really out of order -if people offer you their outgrown stuff fine, it's up to you to accept or decline as suits you (as long as you do it politely!) but to ASKfor it!! And worse for your mil to want to ask for things on your behalf.

I do buy a lot for dd second hand from nct sales or sometimes eBay. We could afford new but I like the green aspect of using pre-loved items. I do though look out for particular things, and have despaired at a couple of people trying to decant everything they hoard no longer use onto us and think they are doing us a favour (am looking at you grandma -not baby related stuff obv).

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