to think if you know you are unwell then don't deliberately pass it on!

[CatsRule]

This isn't a mil thread but on this occassion she is the offending person!

My 10 month old ds has had a cold since November which he has only recently got over. I know will catch things more than an adult in order to build immunity. He has also been sick which the Dr said was a stomach bug...again I expect these things.

I text mil yesterday to ask if ok to visit which it was and she seemed fine. After slobbering all over ds amd kissing him on the lips she then says she felt that morning she had a cold/sore throat etc coming on. My family aviod ds if they are unwell. We know he will get colds but why encourage it.

I genuinely want to know if this is the norm. If I knowingly had something like a cold, sore throat etc I would stay away from vulnerable people.

So as not to drip feed...my ds has reflux so whilst a good eater he often throws up and as a result is tiny and hasn't gained much weight for his age. When he has colds etc he doesn't eat and has lost weight that he really doesn't have since November.

While he is so small and slightly strugglng, aibu to hope people in the know of their own health could make an educated decision to avoid too much contact during these times

[CatsRule]

Pressed button too soon!

Just want to say that I am prepared to be flamed! I know he can catch things outside and in parks etc but then nobody there is kissing him on the lips or putting their fingers in his mouth!

Oh and he is my pfb too

[EuroShagmore]

It's inconsiderate. Yes, children will catch bugs, but that doesn't mean that you need to encourage it. YANBU.

[EuroShagmore]

And I assume she's not going to be the one to lose sleep when he wakes up all snotty and ill....

[Adamit]

yaDnbu. its one thing if she is sick in his company but to pick him up and slobber him like you described, especially a coldsore i'd be mad alright. whatever about a cold ... but a coldsore? once you get one you have them for life, it awakens the virus so to speak. stupid woman. has she never heard coldsores can be dangerous for babies ... especially as his immune system is already taking a hammering at the moment.

what did you do/say?

[whoopwhoopbib]

Yanbu I can't understand why people think it's ok to spread their germs especially when babies are involved.

I'm the same with my DD, if I know someone is ill i avoid them until they are better. DP brings enough colds home for her to catch we don't need to go out of our way to get them.

[CatsRule]

I tried to diplomatically distract ds and didn't stay too long. Told her about his recent upsets/sickness. Diplomacy doesn't work on the woman but we and dh and her have a tense relationship so while I maybe should have been blunt and flounced out I was trying to keep the peace.

I don't know if she had a coldsore, I didn't see one but I know she gets them.

I was trying to be nice by visiting and also because we work during the week our weekends are precious. Our next few weekends have events in them so I know we might not see her for a couple of weeks. When will I ever learn!

[elizaregina]

YADNBU

its all right for the - oh let them catch everything crowd - its really hard when you have a poor eater, my DD wasnt a great eater and she lost weight horrendously quickly when ill - then it was an uphill battle to strech her stomach again and get her back up to normal appettie coupled with an extremly physical child running round all the time.

Its been a bug bear with others too, not washing thier hands and acting like its a personal insult when i have asked!!! I have a NB, in witner with norivirus and flu. I have hinted till I am blue - but they sit there - coughing and wheezing.

sorry to hi jack i feel your pain,

Your going to have to say something, as someone said a cold sore - sore throat - etc, how can people be so selfish?

[Adamit]

its unlikely he will get a coldsore especially if she isnt sure she has one ... but her mentality sucks.

[CatsRule]

Hijack away!

My ds is like that, very active so any slight weight he does gain gets burned off! As you probably know this sparks off lots of harrassment from Dr's and health visitors!

And yes, its dh and I who don't get sleep when he is ill, not others. Although he is a poor sleeper anyway!

A newborn is just too young to catch things!

[WitchOfEndor]

YANBU it always makes me really stabby how cavalier people can be when ill. Not just around children but older people who haven't been well too. What would be a simple cold to you or me could knock someone else for six.

[knackeredmother]

YANBU, when ds was 8 weeks old my SIL visited with a cold. I didn't want to sound precious so let her visit, ds caught her cold, nearly died from bronchiolitis . It was confirmed as rhinovirus (common cold virus). 3 years later we are still suffering the repercussions, he is hospitalised with every cold, on 4 different meds ....

[CatsRule]

Your poor ds...that's part of my problem speaking up. People, lots of people not just mil, think new parents are just being precious amd on some occassions maybe we are but where health is concerned I don't understand it. I wouldn't want to be responsible for makong a child, older person or anyone ill. Germs will pass on but basic common sense can prevent some cases! How does your sil feel?

[TheHamish]

Where does it say she had a cold sore? I read it as a cold and sore throat.

[CatsRule]

It was meant to be cold and sore throat...I think I confused matters there with the way I wrote it sorry.

[ResolutelyCheeky]

Consultant told me that my dd wasn't building up immunities by catching everything going and that I was being a bad mother by sending her to nursery as she was always hospitalised with complications

Therefore the people that rant on about "let em catch it" are apparently out of touch with modern medicine.

[CatsRule]

I think they need to catch things to build immunity but in their own time...when their bodies are ready to cope with it and even then they are not ready to cope!

[marriedinwhite]

I don't have such a problem with her coming down with a cold. Regardless of the cold I would have an issue with anyone, and I mean anyone, kissing a baby or a child on the lips and/or putting their fingers in their mouths.

[CatsRule]

My mum always says to me that the only people who should be kissing him on the lips are dh and I...she is old school (20 years older than mil) and feels he is more immune to our germs and not ready for other peoples, even Grans. She never does that to ds and even tells me to stay away if she feels not quite herself. I don't know if she is right re the germs but I can see her logic.

[greenpostit]

Cannot imagine why someone would kiss a baby on the lips knowing their throat is getting sore. If my throat is getting sore, I don't kiss my 4yo or 6yo OR even my DH on the lips. Why would I want my family ill? What a selfish woman! Yanbu.

[DoctorAnge]

The cold sore HS1 virus can be very dangerous to infants - what a stupid Woman.

[CatsRule]

I don't know if she has a coldsore or not...hopefully not!

Thanks for all your responses...I was expecting to be told I was being precious but I'm glad I'm not.

[nicelyneurotic]

Oh this would make me so angry. You should explain that her actions have upset you and tell her not to do it again. My MIL visited my one week old with a hacking cough. Baby didn't get ill but I was livid. Some people are selfish and ignorant and you need to say something or next time she'll kiss him with worse.

[whoopwhoopbib]

A friend of mine is one for doing this. If her DD is unwell with a cough/cold she is more than happy to go to the baby group which potentially can have a very newborn baby attending (also a bf advice group) without thinking of other people.

I am known within my family as being a bit funny about seeing unwell people and whilst some may laugh at me I don't care as they aren't the ones having to look after her.