To think £200 is too bloody much?

(248 Posts)

Friend has hired a country house for her birthday and has just informed us it's £200 per person. I'm really annoyed because a) it isn't even a 'special' birthday b) I didnt really want to go in the first place as it means leaving pfb overnight but i felt obliged as she is a good friend and c) I can't bloody afford it.
Im just going for one night as ds is still little so I'll be spending 6 hours on the train (by myself) to spend 24 hours there. I realise that is my own bloody fault and not hers but it adds to my annoyance!
There will be additional costs (travel, going out money etc) so whilst i have to write off the £200 should I make my excuses now and pull out before this thing escalates further?
Mostly im annoyed at myself for saying yes in the first place as i would be perfectly happy spending the weekend at home with ds and £200 could buy A LOT of nappies
She is a very good friend so feel free to flame me for being selfish.

Viviennemary Fri 18-Jan-13 22:04:32

I agree. What a joker. Just say it's far too expensive and you won't be going. These insensitive thick skinned people than never give a thought to others affording events like this before arranging them.

YANBU your friend, if she is such a good friend, should realise that you have a small baby, new responsibilities and you may not have the inclination, never mind the spare money to leave your baby over night!

My "friend" did this except it was a trip to London for an expensive weekend, meals out and theatre tickets etc my DD was 3months old, EBF, my DH had just been made redundant so £ was very tight! Te difference was, when I said I couldn't go, she made a big stink about it and told everyone I was the worst and how supportive she has always been, never asks me for anything etc the least I could do was go one this little weekend away etc as that is what shows you are the greatest friend ever...a £500 weekend away for a 26th birthday...there is a reason clintons don't make cards for random birthday ages...

Thanks everyone, I'm going to sleep on it and hopefully be brave enough to implement your suggestions in the morning!

To those who asked, i haven't paid yet but did commit to going. There was vague talk of money but £100 was at the v upper limit of what I could afford and now it's £200 plus all these extras and I can just see it going up and up.

The reason I think I'm being selfish is because in my heart of hearts I don't want to go even though she is a good friend. Without meaning to hijack my own thread I think I've got to stop trying to keep up with everyone all the time because that's what got me into this mess.

Since ds came along my outlook has completely changed. I just want to spend as much time with him as possible but I feel under pressure to carry on as I did before. i guess I feel like a bit of a failure for not being able to keep up especially because other friends have maintained hectic social lives despite having children. There seems to be some unspoken rule that things should just go on as if nothing has happened and ds should just slot into my life? But for me it's the opposite - he is my life and everything else needs to slot in around him. Now I'm probably BU for that!

Adversecamber Fri 18-Jan-13 22:43:18

I invited friends round for a 1970's style children's birthday tea, think cheese and pineapple hedgehogs and lots of pimms.

Why are some people so obsessed with making everything in to such a big deal.

Disclaimer- I am a grumpy moo.

bedmonster you are totally right I should never have said I would go in the first place.

Ds is 6 months so not really that little but still seems it to me blush

TheOriginal Would love to take dh and ds (would solve all my issues!) but ds is most definitely not invited!!

Not sure I can name the place (although she doesn't have kids so unlikely to be on mn?!) but its a big castle thingy on the coast. I think the problem is it sleeps 20 but now there are only 12 people going so she's just split the cost 12 ways irrelevant of how long people are staying.

MagicHouse Fri 18-Jan-13 23:01:26

I don't think you're BU! In fact I think you should be really clear about saying that as the initial suggestion was £100 a night, since it has changed to £200 a nigh you cannot afford it - don't feel obliged to pay for anything. Just be really clear that you cannot afford the changed amount that is now double! Be really sweet in your email (or however you tell her) and wish she has a great weekend! And maybe invite her to yours, but do not, IN ANY WAY agree to paying out £200 when you had no idea that this was the cost!!!

flossy101 Fri 18-Jan-13 23:14:02

I really feel for you. My DS is 6m and one of my good friends is going away next weekend for her hen do, it's costing about 200p person too plus spending money.

I told her when she first asked that I couldn't afford it being on mat leave and just didn't want to leave DS for the whole weekend.

I felt so much better for just being honest rather than trying to come up with an excuse as to why I couldn't go.

Maybe you should just explain how your feeling and if she is a good friend she will understand that your priorities have changed.

maddening Fri 18-Jan-13 23:18:52

God at this time of year you can get really nice cottages for a lot less than that! Is that including food and drink?

Tommy Fri 18-Jan-13 23:20:01

maybe I am a grumpy moo too but, for my hen night, I had a house party. My mum and ma-in-law to be did the food, everyone brought a bottle and I hired a karaoke. Bloody great night - 60 women, singing, drinking and chatting. (the only person who didn't come because they "couldn't afford the petrol" was my sister and that's a whole other thread grin)
It can be done - doesn't have to be expensive and it's hugely cheeky of anyone to expect other people to fork out for their celebrations

maddening Fri 18-Jan-13 23:20:18

Ps how many are going and where in the country is it? Does everyone get their own room? You wouldn't be expected to share? Is she charging you for a double room?

Sallyingforth Fri 18-Jan-13 23:22:57

So she wants to have a party, but wants others to pay for it?
Tell the selfish bitch to get lost!

I wouldn't pay the £200. If limits of £100 were discussed and then she's booked it at £200 before telling you then that's her problem. DO NOT PAY!

snice Fri 18-Jan-13 23:27:47

no-I think its probably been booked on the basis of full 'occupancy' which would equate to £100 each but now numbers of attendees have dropped the cost is rocketing

AlreadyScone Fri 18-Jan-13 23:29:54

I'm afraid anyone who expected me to fork out £200 on their birthday (before travel or a present) would be firmly relegated to the "you are a spoilt no-mark" list.

Send her a thoughtful pressie for a quarter of that amount!

DeepRedBetty Fri 18-Jan-13 23:30:28

I imagine some of your friends who outwardly are still maintaining those hectic lifestyles are secretly knackered and would actually quite like to slow down a bit - but are caught in exactly the same trap as you.

Some good advice upthread, I think you need to email to say that you'd budgeted max £100 based on what she'd talked about in the first place and you just can't afford more than that, but would love to see her for dinner or kitchen sups or whatever the current name is for informal meal with far too much wine and lasagne/chilli con carne

Sometimes you just have to wait for the child-free to catch back up with you. One of my oldest mates started to have her babies ten years before me, we didn't really relate to each other again until we bumped into each other and went for coffee when I was pushing a double buggy, she was an absolute godsend during potty training etc. Another friend (younger but we'd been on the same planet) only started doing babies this year, and I'm passing on the joy right now with nappies and breastfeeding and SLEEP!!!! IYKWIM.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sat 19-Jan-13 08:15:25

She should never have booked something that size without having firm commitments from the right number of people.Isuspect other people have backed out too based on cost.
I think you just have to bite the bullet and contact her to say you just cant afford £200 and had budgeted for £100 She has paid anyway so she might just say fair enough and take £100 as otherwise she will be even more out of pocket

theoriginalandbestrookie Sat 19-Jan-13 08:18:20

She should never have booked something that size without having firm commitments from the right number of people.Isuspect other people have backed out too based on cost.
I think you just have to bite the bullet and contact her to say you just cant afford £200 and had budgeted for £100 She has paid anyway so she might just say fair enough and take £100 as otherwise she will be even more out of pocket

FiveGoMadInDorset Sat 19-Jan-13 08:20:31

Say it was affordable just at £100 but not at £200.

NewYearNewNagoo Sat 19-Jan-13 08:25:08

Wow has she booked it already? That was stupid. It's too much to ask people to spend for her birthday! I imagine people would drop like flies on learning it's double what she said!

RuleBritannia Sat 19-Jan-13 08:25:56

As snice said upthread, if the price quoted was £100 and it's gone up to £200, it's probable that not all invitees have accepted. That means that the total price is divided between fewer people.

As others have said, pull out and don't go but let your friend know. Yes, your non-contribution will put up the price for others but, in the end, it will all be so expensive that no one will go!

I wouldn't spend £200 on my own birthday never mind someone else's.

howlingcow Sat 19-Jan-13 08:29:45

If you do go it will leave you feeling miserable and resentful towards this 'friend'-it will do more damage to your friendship than if you pull out!!! YANBU!! She is expecting far too much!

theoriginalandbestrookie Sat 19-Jan-13 08:30:36

I dont even think its a child vs childfree issue.Prior to having ds i would still not expect to fork out that much for a s/c accomodation for that price it should be catered

EugenesAxe Sat 19-Jan-13 08:38:31

What a lot of people have said:
1) Why are you going out when you've hired a lovely castle - have dinner there
2) Tell her you could just about afford it when £100 was mentioned & that either you'll be paying that or pulling out

You aren't being unreasonable to want to stay with your child, as long as you don't expect everyone to feel like this. I love my children but would jump at the chance to be away from them for a couple of nights!

ENormaSnob Sat 19-Jan-13 08:40:09

She is totally taking the piss.

You can't quote 100, book it, then ask for 200 shock

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't pay.

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