OMG. A thread combining baby sex and MIL. Can't quite believe I'm doing this...

(98 Posts)
Peka Fri 18-Jan-13 13:26:30

Just had 20 week scan and it's a boy! Yay! So happy, already have one DS and this is great, wasn't actually bothered but just love knowing as now I know his name and he's a little person to me already.

HOWEVER, MIL just called me (DH called her to let her know, he's not at home right now) to say she's happy but ONLY because it's a boy, if it was a girl she wouldn't be. I quite want to break something... AIBU to be annoyed? Actually just venting rage rage rage... don't even care if I am.

bamboozled Fri 18-Jan-13 14:35:01

Betterthan - just what I was going to say, phone her and ask for her 'advice' as you and DH are considering Valerie, Leslie, Frances' as names and wondered which she Preferred...

bamboozled Fri 18-Jan-13 14:36:05

Congrats by the way! Lovely news..

lljkk Fri 18-Jan-13 15:21:45

She has a knobbish perspective but I would just put it to one side & not let it come between us. Luckily it doesn't have to.

I love the ideas to tease her with the most girlie boy names you can think of.

NewYearNewNagoo Fri 18-Jan-13 15:29:42

Hilary is a good one.

Jamie-Leigh.

Kim....

NewYearNewNagoo Fri 18-Jan-13 15:30:02

Vivian.

NewYearNewNagoo Fri 18-Jan-13 15:30:42

Oh I love the name Francis. Choose that [serious]

sweetkitty Fri 18-Jan-13 15:36:24

My mother on hearing DC2 was DD2 "oh we'll I'm not that bothered as I know you'll have a third"

She was on the phone to me for 20 minutes knowing I had been for a scan with DD3 and didn't even ask if we had found out the sex. She didn't even comment when I told her she was DD3. She never even bothered with DD3.

The irony is I but all contact with her 4 years ago and since then have had a DS but there is no way she would have given him preferential treatment over his sisters.

Some people are just plain weird. Ignore tha mad old bat.

PuffPants Fri 18-Jan-13 15:46:23

Congrats OP - I have a DS and would be thrilled to have another. I wouldn't dwell on what your MIL said. It doesn't actually matter does it seeing as you're not having a girl? I think the posters who are so outraged here are mums of girls.

Just enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and imagine two lovely brothers watching out for each other in life.

BonaDea Fri 18-Jan-13 15:49:10

I wonder whether she was VERY CLUMSILY trying not to fall into the trap of saying "Oh, never mind, you can try for a girl the next time" trap? Perhaps she thought you might be disappointed with another boy (obv not!) and just thought she would say something supportive of not having a girl?!

WaitingForMe Fri 18-Jan-13 17:05:20

My MIL told me she didn't mind that DS was a boy. I had no idea what to say to that. Was I meant to say thanks?

marriedinwhite Fri 18-Jan-13 17:16:37

I think she was unspeakably inappropriate. But I also think and know these things can be complex.

DD was my 5th pg (beyond 1st trimester). 4 boys: miscarriage 17 weeks, ds1 at 36.5 weeks, miscarriage 11 weeks, ds2 at 27 weeks (died), dd 51 weeks later.

We didn't think we did girls and we expected a boy. We didn't find out the sex first though. I desperately wanted to replace ds2 and genuinely, 100% thought I would - I really didn't want a girl and didn't want to face the possibility I might be having a girl. We were going to have two boys. We just were.

DD was born and I cannot describe the shock ....or the delight or the joy or the privilege it has been to have her. We never ever looked back and thought "oh, how we wished she had been a boy".

Do you think there might be something more complex under the surface here OP that remained unfinished business for your MIL?

Clawdy Fri 18-Jan-13 17:18:13

I agree with BonaDea she may have been trying to sound very positive about another boy,in case you were a bit disappointed.

diddl Fri 18-Jan-13 17:22:51

I can´t see any circumstance in where what MIL said would be appropriate tbh.

It´s not about her.

God knows I loved my Mum, but when I was pregnant she said she hoped it was a boy as she already had a GD!!!

WTAF?

It really hurt tbh.

Congrats peka, 2 boys is great fun (as are girls, I have one of that flavour too!)

Your mil is deranged. My mil told me when I had dd and was pregnant with dc2 that boys are much easier, girls are cunning and manipulative shock maybe my spoilt cow of a sil was but no, most girls aren't you daft old woman!

Ignore the crazy lady and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy smile

carben Fri 18-Jan-13 17:56:29

Agree with Clawdy. I think she believed (wrongly as it goes) that you would have preferred a girl this time round and was trying to help by 'down-grading' girls. I bet if you told her that there had been a mistake and it was a girl after all she would be just as delighted. You say you get on well and I think she was just trying to be a good MIL. I bet she would be horrified if she knew what your reaction had been.

dizzy77 Fri 18-Jan-13 18:08:19

See I was on a thread yesterday when the op had found out the sex and didn't want to tell others, and i read the bulk of responses as "you're being childish for wanting to keep a secret if you know already".

It's this sort of situation and others inappropriate comments before being faced with an actual little person who bears the gender that makes me not want to share the gender. A bit kind the advice not to tell the names you're considering before the baby is named as EVERYONE will have an opinion that could derail you, whereas when it's attached to a real baby they are much more supportive. Sigh.

Whatdoiknowanyway Fri 18-Jan-13 19:22:12

My dad told my mum when they married that he didn't want girls as they were nothing but trouble. He definitely favoured my brother. However in his old age he talked to me aboUt this and said he hd been wrong it was your daughters you could rely on. Bit sad it was because his sons had been useless at looking after him and his daughters had always been there for him but Heyho. It was nice to hear it.

Peka Fri 18-Jan-13 19:42:06

marriedinwhite your story certainly puts my woes in perspective. My DH thinks she's that way because she found it hard being a girl, coming from her background and thought life was easier for boys. I can understand that, but things are a lot better now and having observed her with other children I also think there is a definite bias there - she admits that she just prefers boy children confused. I dunno, it's all a bit mad, I'm just glad my family are more sane about this kind of thing. I really value family but I think I may have to separate out a bit emotionally because she does sometimes have very strange attitudes.

JustFabulous Fri 18-Jan-13 19:48:51

My MIL said I had my kids in the wrong order hmmangry. She actually had a discussion with her mother about it hmmangry.

JustFabulous Fri 18-Jan-13 19:50:34

What if the sonographer was wrong and you have a girl?

lilly40 Fri 18-Jan-13 19:52:38

Congratulations!! Ignore MIL. Don't let her ignorance spoil your joy. I'm 20 weeks too and has my scan today and found out its a girl. So happy as I have a DS.

Peka Fri 18-Jan-13 19:56:08

Congratulations to you too Lilly! That's fantastic news, so glad everything's ok. (Here we are both modelling appropriate responses to this kind of information grin)

Peka Fri 18-Jan-13 19:58:10

Anyway, if I have another I am pretty much definitely not finding out or if I do find out not telling anyone that I know. Thanks for all the moral support, I am now going to eat icecream.

JustFabulous Fri 18-Jan-13 20:02:38

There is nothing in what she said that points to her being clumsy in her attempt to reassure you if you actuially wanted a girl. That are suggesting it, really are you genuinely thinking that?

This has reminded me of when I phoned my Grandmother to say I had had my son. She said "Oh, well you can have a girl next time." I was blissed up that my baby had been extracted alive so let it go but wtaf? She wanted a girl but even so.

shellshock7 Fri 18-Jan-13 20:05:30

Just ignore, my MIL is GM to 4 boys (I have one DS with one of her sons and her other son has 3 DS) and when we found out the sex I got 'oh good, I don't know what to do with girls'?!

I do wonder what will be said if I ever get PG with a girl!

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