To think I should get to have one nice thing without DH ruining it? (warning petty)

(95 Posts)
Lambzig Thu 17-Jan-13 20:16:21

DH is sulking with me nearly 24 hours later and I really dont want to apologise.

I am not spending money on myself at the moment as am on maternity leave with DS 10 weeks, so no new clothes. I was given vouchers for christmas for a very upmarket online store that I cannot normally afford. My old dressing gown was four years old, had a hole in it and was thin cotton so freezing for getting up in the night when the heating is off. I managed to find a lovely luxury one in the dregs of the sales at 50% off and it arrived yesterday. I hadn't worn it yet, but it is just so lovely and double layered but could be unisex.

Last night DH went out for drinks with people he used to work with and came home at midnight, kebab in hand, a little worse for wear. Obvs no problem with that. DS woke up at 3am and I was feeding him in bed. DH decided to get up and get himself a drink of water and offered to change DS when I had finished feeding. He came back in in my new dressing gown (his was next to it on the bathroom door) which was pulled stretched across his shoulders and as he reached over for DS, I heard it rip a bit. I asked him to take it off as he was ripping it and I didnt particularly want his beer sweaty naked self all over it. He got really cross and told me that I was being petty and selfish and took it off, scrunched it up and kicked it across the bedroom.

He wants me to apologise. I think I am entitled to have something new, without him ruining it before I have even worn it.

told you it was petty, but AIBU and should I apologise.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Fri 18-Jan-13 19:19:42

I am borderline obsessive about my things, I like to be the first to read my sunday paper, I like to keep my own shampoo and face stuff as mine and have my own mouthwash etc. I don't like people going in my wardrobe or drawers in the bedroom even though I have nothing to hide. DS1 however has the mentality that 'if mine has run out use someone else's' or simply 'oh that sounds nice, I'll have a bit of that' he has the knack of sniffing out anything nice I buy with me in mind that I try to disguise in the fridge too. I would have been very very CROSS in your place.

my dh doesnt go in my handbag either... or my purse... even when i say its ok

Lambzig Fri 18-Jan-13 18:32:03

Hi, sorry left this for a day due to small snowed in toddler and baby demanding stuff.

No our money is joint money, but we are trying to pay off debt and make sure we have enough for me to take a year off on maternity leave. I mentioned maternity pay because it means we are on less than usual between us.

I dont begrudge him a boozy night out or the money on it at all, its not a frequent thing for him.

Bedtime was frosty,not speaking, but he did apologise this morning, but I am pretty sure he thinks I was being petty. He doesn't get why I get annoyed when he goes into my handbag for stuff either (he doesn't mind me going through his stuff at all).

Don't men wear dressing gowns then? DH prefers to sleep naked, but moved on to boxer shorts, so needs the dressing gown when he goes downstairs in the morning (for warmth and also not to scare the neighbours).

Thumbwitch Fri 18-Jan-13 06:22:39

YA so NBU, he's a pathetically childish twat who displays no respect for you or your belongings.
I'd be livid.
I am livid whenever DH displays a similar lack of respect for my stuff; but he'd never try and wear my clothes and then expect an apology when he tore them!! shock Your DH really needs to grow the fuck up and accept that he was a wanker.

JessieMcJessie Fri 18-Jan-13 06:01:42

Precious treat, not previous treat.

JessieMcJessie Fri 18-Jan-13 06:01:10

The putting it on and not thinking about how his big shoulders would rip it- thoughtless but forgivable. Rolling it up and kicking it across the room- hugely disproportionate, disrespectful and borderline violent- does he fly into rages about other things? Did he know what it had cost- had you shown it off when it arrived so he could see how happy you were with it? Sometimes men have mo fucking clue what stuff costs. But if he knew it was a previous treat for you, his kicking reaction is doubly concerning and you should NOT let it slide- what is he, 13? Please update to tell us he has apologised....

Fairylea Fri 18-Jan-13 05:50:30

I hope you both have the same amount of spending money and time off.... ? Just wondering as you seem to be focusedon your maternity money etc when surely your finances should be shared equally !?

And I take it you're having a night out / time off and leaving him with the baby while you do as he has done with you this time ?

Yanbu about the dressing gown but I wonder if it's part of a larger picture ....

Lavenderhoney Fri 18-Jan-13 05:20:01

Can it be mended? How annoying. He should be apologising for coming home drunk and lurching about anyway, you are nice about that. And I would expect my dh to buy me new sunnies if he wore mine and stretched them. Your dh might see it as sharing but there is no point having nice stuff if it gets wrecked through carelessness.

You've just had a baby, he could be more sympathetic ESP if you are still in the dressing gown stage. And still sulking! He should be bringing you flowers and promising not to do it again.

Still, that's his birthday present/ Christmas sorted. New dressing gown. With his name on it.

HansieMom Fri 18-Jan-13 04:48:25

I too think he should buy you a new one.

Arthurfowlersallotment Fri 18-Jan-13 04:06:23

He's a wanker.

Oh and I would tell him something along the lines of...

"it would be like me using your brand new iPad before you did and putting a great big scratch across the screen and then me expecting for you to apologise because you were upset at that. Would you like me to do that to you so you know how I feel right now??"

I would be really pissed. Hell would freeze over before I apologised and I have been married plenty long and value my marriage.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Fri 18-Jan-13 01:14:57

His reaction the next day is the worst part of this. He sounds bloody self absorbed and is acting like a complete twat. I'm not sure how you put up with him, but if you don't put your foot down now he will just get worse sad

StuntGirl Fri 18-Jan-13 01:07:54

YADNBU. It's not about the dressing gown per se, but the lack of respect. Refusing to apologise and then accusing you of being in the wrong makes it worse. And holding that grudge all day? Does he not have enough to do at work grin

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 17-Jan-13 23:44:17

YANBU.

LesBOFerables Thu 17-Jan-13 23:44:00

Yes, DP flat refuses to go in my handbag, even if I ask him to. He brings it to me.

I looked up that dressing-gown; it's very lovely. I would go apeshit if anyone treated it like your husband did, Lambzig. YANBU.

Chubfuddler Thu 17-Jan-13 23:38:13

Bloody hell purr purr that's even worse than the ops husband. I've been with DH for 15 years and he's never touched my handbag. Even if I say of the such and such is in my handbag he brings it to me to get for him. Handbag is private.

SparkyDudess Thu 17-Jan-13 23:22:12

Id have gone spare! Way out of line, DH is very careful of my things, particularly anything nice/new. I'm funny about things being mine/clean, and while he doesnt understand it, he knows it matters to me.

Jux's suggestion about the wallpaper is genius grin

waxlyrical Thu 17-Jan-13 23:12:33

Rofl at torn dressing gown i pad wallpaper!

shock

i would get him to buy a new one! what a blooming cheek!

Jux Thu 17-Jan-13 22:43:33

An iPad? OK, hide the charger cable. Play with the iPad when he's not around and make bookmarks to all the really girly sites you can find. Download loads of music he doesn't like. Get the Kindle app and download as many Austen, Gaskell, Hardy etc classics you can. Fill up the memory with stuff he doesn't want. Change his settings.

Load a picture of a torn dressing gown and set it as the wallpaper. grin

I'm not being entirely serious, but none of it is more than a bit of a nuisance and won't cause him more than some inconvenience, but will taint his new gadget. Then you can tell him he's being petty and selfish.

CheerfulYank Thu 17-Jan-13 22:30:39

Yanbu. I'd kill him!

<googles toast>
YANBU!!!! Why would u want his smelly bottom in your lovely snuggly new dressing gown? Bleugh
Spend his amazon vouchers on tights. Then he'll really have cause to moan

DumSpiroSpero Thu 17-Jan-13 22:23:39

Months later, back at home, he couldn't find something so ransacked my things again - all my coat pockets, my handbag

If my DH went through my handbag I'd take head off (and he knows it!).

OP YANBU - I'm gobsmacked that even if he was pissed it would even occur to your DH to put your dressing gown on (me and DH are similar proportions so I can imagine the difference in sizing). Also, stuff like this is important. It's what you wear when you want to feel relaxed and warm and cosy which is a big deal imo. Last winter I couldn't stretch to much in the way of new clothes and in the end I treated myself to nice winter PJ's, slippers and dressing gown rather than daytime clothes, so I totally get why it's so important to you.

Bobyan Thu 17-Jan-13 22:16:04

Spend his vouchers...

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