To be upset that DH gets in a bad mood with me if any of the DCs are ill?

(55 Posts)
Findingmyself Sat 05-Jan-13 09:37:38

He seems to think I'm the unreasonable one.

To give an example, one night last week our 3 year old DS went to bed and woke up about an hour later crying and feeling poorly. He was subsequently up until around 2am. During this time I dealt with him, DH just moaned that he was tired and went to sleep. The following day, even though it was me that had been up with DS, DH was in a foul mood with me, and wouldn't really speak to me, and instead just moaned about how tired he was. When the kids are ill DH goes very uncommunicative, and starts making smart arse comments at me like a child. He does it when I've been ill too, and I never get looked after at all if ill, I just have to soldier on.

About a year ago, DS was ill with a virus for almost a week, and again I stayed up with him every night, probably getting about 8 hours sleep in 4 nights in total. DH spent the whole time not talking to me, and just avoiding us really, and being like a surly child if I asked him to do anything.

He's like it with me too if either of our other children are ill. He also gets moody if any of them are badly behaved; DS woke up early this morning and had a tantrum because he's tired, and now it looks like I'm in for another day of not being spoken to by DH.

JamesBexleySpeed Sat 05-Jan-13 23:25:52

OP, is he an arse on your DCs birthdays?

missrlr Sat 05-Jan-13 13:38:37

This is your lightbulb moment. Simply by posting here you KNOW he is an unreasonable so and so and you are unhappy with it.
To clarify : this is emotional abuse
Who holds the purse strings?
Sort yourself a plan to get out of this relationship as it is. If you think he can change try talking and counselling. You may want or benefit from seeking help just for you also. If not or that has been done to no avail or fails then plan to leave and sooner not later.
Good luck

nickelbabylyinginamanger Sat 05-Jan-13 12:53:20

i want to know what he's like on their birthdays and at christmas, too.

OP: did you have a nice christmas?
what was it like?

"I think he is happy as long as everything suits him."
That red flag is waving from the hilltops. I'm so sorry, but he is a selfish, selfish person. You say that he wanted children, and I expect he did say so - all the better to tie you to him, you see. And the bragging rights to the outside world of how he is just sooo virile. <vomit>

He is not going to change, and he will probably get worse. You are probably walking on eggshells already. Someone who hadn't been ground down by this behaviour would have told him to fuck off already. sad

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 05-Jan-13 12:43:26

1) Kids get ill, its not your fault, you cant prevent it
2) Hes a dickhead, threatening to leave 2 days after bringing baby home, ffs did he ever grow up
3) I bet whenever hes i'll the world has to stop for him
4) Tell him to grow up or fuck off, if he does nothing you wont miss him.

post Sat 05-Jan-13 12:43:05

I think he probably does it to warn you off asking anything of him. If it works he'll keep doing it.

Proudnscaryvirginmary Sat 05-Jan-13 12:32:50

What are his good points? Because 'he's not always a twat' is not technically a good point.

ThereGoesTheYear Sat 05-Jan-13 12:32:24

What's he like when your attention is elsewhere for other reasons? When you go out on your own to see your friends/pursue your hobbies?
How is he when you're the centre of attention because it's your birthday/you've achieved something?
How does he react to you having male friends?

CaptChaos Sat 05-Jan-13 12:30:44

Next time he threatens to leave, say in a bright happy voice 'Really? I thought you'd never do the right thing!' and pack his bags for him. I hope the door doesn't bang him on the arse on the way out.

He is a little boy playing at houses, this will not end well, make your escape plan.

shesariver Sat 05-Jan-13 12:23:20

This isnt going to end well. You have the choice now to do something about it. This isn't a proper relationship - where each partner mutually respects and supports each other.

susanann Sat 05-Jan-13 12:14:19

My first thought was is he jealous of the kids getting your attention?

pigletmania Sat 05-Jan-13 11:46:53

Sorry op what's his redeeming features? He sounds god awful and sometimes it takes an objective pair f eyes for someone to wake up and see the reality. I don't want to havevtomsay this but here goes: leave the bastard!

Nasty, nasty man. I'm so sorry OP - like a few other people on here, I've been in a similar relationship and it didn't end well.

CailinDana Sat 05-Jan-13 10:59:44

My dad was caring and concerned when we were ill, my mother acted like it was a massive inconvenience. It has seriously affected me. Be aware that it will affect your children too - they will definitely notice your DH's attitude.

BeaWheesht Sat 05-Jan-13 10:45:34

Hmmm dh is a bit like this though he's fine when I'm ill. With him it's stress. Doesn't sound like your dh is very nice generally though...

MadamFolly Sat 05-Jan-13 10:36:54

Ltb

LoopsInHoops Sat 05-Jan-13 10:36:52

Seriously? Kick him out, selfish twat.

MrsTomHardy Sat 05-Jan-13 10:30:31

Yep he's a knob alright.

SarahWarahWoo Sat 05-Jan-13 10:28:03

If he won't acknowledge it then point out his behaviour? Tell him how it impacts on you.

What do you say to him when he complains that he is tired when the children have been ill? Have you tried actually saying that it isn't your fault when the children are ill?

What a knob!

Ltb.

3smellysocks Sat 05-Jan-13 10:22:45

Tell him to either support you and the kids properly while ill or go stay with a friend if he intends to be useless and vile.

littlestressy Sat 05-Jan-13 10:14:26

The way he treats you and the children whenever you/they are ill. Threatening to leave you after birth of your 3rd child, like he's got an alter ego, happy only when things are running the way he thinks they should be or how he wants....sorry but it really sounds like emotional abuse.

pictish Sat 05-Jan-13 10:12:41

He's jealous of the time and affection you give the kids when they're ill.

It's not a good sign at all.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sat 05-Jan-13 10:10:52

Am sorry, he sounds horrible. its in the difficult moments of life that people really show their true colours, and his reaction sound like a selfish, egocentric immature little beep.

Have you ever sat down and really talked through what he does and how it makes you feel? or (and i suspect this is the case), does he get angry, defensive and turn it all back on you?

it sounds like he 'blames' you and is angry at you when things don't go according to plan or the situation demands that he helps/ supports. Thats not a sign of a good man I'm afraid.

is this the only thing wrong with your relationship, or are there a lot of other niggly things in the same vein? for example when you are running late, or the dc are tired/ upset? or dinner isn't on the table/ house tidied etc?

Its worrying you say 'he's happy as long as everything suits him'... thats no way to live, as it puts the responsibility on you to make everything run smoothly to keep the peace. hummmm.

HappyNewHissy Sat 05-Jan-13 10:10:15

I bet he's a right wanker on their birthdays too, right?

What a truly tragic little man.

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