Husband wants a lie in while we have guests over.

(149 Posts)
Empross76 Fri 04-Jan-13 23:54:02

A friend if mine, her husband and children are popping over tomorrow morning for a cuppa, catch up and to exchange Xmas pressies for the kids. Just for an hour or so.
My husband has told me he will stay in bed and have a lie in while this happens.
He is not very sociable and never instigates social situations, although he is very witty, entertaining and fun in these situations, and has friends.
He just doesn't see why he should lose the chance for a lie in cos of 'my' visitors.
I disagree - I think if a family pops in to see us then we should host as a family. I will be beyond embarrassed having to make up a white lie about him having a headache or something to keep him in bed.
I think he's being selfish and childish. What do you think? AIBU?!!!!

ClippedPhoenix Sat 05-Jan-13 00:41:34

It's not like the OP is asking him to do this regularly, she's asking him to show a united front, a bit of togetherness?

I'd be hurt and embarrassed by his behaviour.

Feelingood Sat 05-Jan-13 00:44:02

I would make him get up.

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Jan-13 00:45:07

But the hurt and embarrassment is all yours CP, my DH would just shrug his shoulders and let me make the decision for myself.

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Jan-13 00:45:32

How feelingood?

ClippedPhoenix Sat 05-Jan-13 00:47:58

It doesn't work like that in this house. DP and I do the right thing and help each other out in situations, for me it's called being in a partnership.

AnyFucker Sat 05-Jan-13 00:49:47

oh dear, Holly, you and I wouldn't get on

I haven't been out of bed before 10am, sometimes noon for the last 2 weeks

Feelingood Sat 05-Jan-13 00:50:14

I would tell him he needs to out of respect for me and the family.

My DH is similar to one described, though better than he used to be. Neither of us book things like that before checking with the other we v protective over family time.

Tbh I would give a bit bother and I would 'owe him'

AnyFucker Sat 05-Jan-13 00:50:31

We never, ever have visitors before noon though. Personally, I would never "pop in" to see someone before brunch time. I think that is rude.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 05-Jan-13 00:52:29

Neither have i but if my DP had a whole family over for an hour early ONE morning I'd make the effort, it's called being kind to your partner.

Feelingood Sat 05-Jan-13 00:52:54

When I say owe him I mean if a time comes up when I need to be flexible or make extra effort and Gawd I can think o two Xmas examples I would. Give n take as someone up there said teamwork. Mind he would moan like a bugger.

Feelingood Sat 05-Jan-13 00:53:35

Ditto af last post

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Jan-13 00:54:21

I haven't either AF, probably for longer than two weeks grin

But, I think because of people like Holly still going on industrial revolution morals, I always have a bit of a guilty twinge about it - mixed with a luxurious stretch thinking that I'm doing it on behalf of all the people who wish they could but can't grin

dylsmimi Sat 05-Jan-13 00:54:36

Hmm tricky one. I think its the fact that he's still in bed that's the issue. I often go to see my friend and her DH pops to say hi then goes upstairs to play computer games work & my DH will do the same to let is chat etc.
I think it depends if your guests know he is still I'm bed? I'd feel uncomfortable and if i was intruding if I went to see someone & there was someone still in bed after 10ish - unless they worked shifts, illness etc

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sat 05-Jan-13 00:55:05

He's not (as far as OP has said) enfeebled. He's not just worked a nightshift. He's just decided that his needs are more important than hers so he's going to ignore her embarassment and do what he wants to do and by the sound of it expect her to make excuses for him.

The OP has also mentioned that this man doesn't like to bath the children or apply skincream when needed, because it takes too much time and effort.

Empress, how many times can you think of where he has put your needs, or the children's needs ahead of his own? If the answer's 'none' then you really might want to have a serious think about whether you're happy to maintain a relationship with a man who is both selfish and entitled.

AnyFucker Sat 05-Jan-13 00:55:40

Me too, AZZ, I feel I owe it to them.

FWIW, I am sleeping only part of that time. The rest I am being very productive indeed.

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Jan-13 00:57:36

We live in a two up/two down, bed's the best place to hide out it was in the morning (not that I have mind you, we just ignore anyone knocking grin)

ClippedPhoenix Sat 05-Jan-13 00:58:41

Well said Solid.

dylsmimi Sat 05-Jan-13 01:00:03

And my sisters boyfriend lies in bed till lunchtime everytime he visits my parents house or on family weekend away regardless of who else is there, plans for the day etc which I think is really rude angry cos he can't be bothered to say good morning

Empross76 Sat 05-Jan-13 01:01:07

Agreed, SolidGold - this sort of thing seems to crop up when we have a difference of opinion as to what is necessary. So, I think being up & about for visitors, regular baths for the kids, and twice daily excema cream & teeth cleaning for DS are needed. DH doesn't. He's opinionated, strong willed and stubborn. But, that aside, he's a good 'un so don't worry on any other score.

mum11970 Sat 05-Jan-13 01:01:16

Depends on what he was doing the night before and whose friend it was. If it was just a friend of mine I'd say he had a late night and was sleeping it off. This may be biased as I'm more likely to sleep in than dh but i'd never arrange to meet anyone before midday in hols if I could help it. May be because we no longer have kids who are awake at unearthly hours.

Imabadmum Sat 05-Jan-13 01:01:30

Sounds lazy to me. But you can't force him. I would tell your friends he s still in bed, I would be mortified if it was me! And lying in til lunchtime, on a weekday no less, is just wrong past the age of 21. Doesn't he have a job?

YANBU.

AnyFucker Sat 05-Jan-13 01:06:45

Some of my best times have been in bed. Do none of you early risers have any imagination ? Too busy looking for some pointless housework to do ? grin < runs >

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Jan-13 01:07:55

Hahahahaha back of the net AF grin

Empross76 Sat 05-Jan-13 01:13:05

Well, since our visitors are here at 10 I should turn my phone off and attempt some sleep.
Thanks for all the posts. Still think I'm not being unreasonable, but it's been good to think about it some more.
And good to know there are others out there who appreciate a lie in as much as DH and myself.
Feeling on a bit of a high from my first proper OP thread (or whatever you call it) - 71 posts! Whoop whoop, go me!
Night night, all.

Numberlock Sat 05-Jan-13 01:15:59

10am is very early to be making social calls. Why?

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