To be annoyed by midday lie in?

(47 Posts)
TaraFey Thu 03-Jan-13 19:21:06

Hi, I've been a lurker for a while and just now joining in with a gripe.

I'm a single parent with an eight year old daughter, live very near my parents but no other family or friends. When I work, I usually use a mixture of child-minder and extended services for child care, but neither are available during the Christmas holidays and so I rely on my parents, who agreed(not particularly graciously) to have her today, tomorrow and Saturday.

Because I was working at 7.30am this morning my Mum surprised me by offering to have my daughter overnight (she wouldn't usually). I dropped her off at 8pm last night, and collected her at 5pm tonight. When I collected her my mum said laughingly, she didn't get up until 11.40am. I thought she was joking and ha-ha'd no really when did she get up? really, she got up at 11.40am.

So, I was pretty shocked by this and said something like 'wow, she'll never go to bed tonight' I was peeved, and while I didn't say that I was, my face probably didn't look altogether impressed. My mother obviously sensed I wasn't finding it as hilariously funny as she was (I've had a tough day, I have an OU assignment to work on, I was picturing a nice early night for daughter, a bit of ou work, a glass of wine and bed for me...silly I know!) So she started screeching at me to find another baby sitter, she's doing me a favour so she'll decide what happens with DD, I'm ungrateful blah blah blah. So we left.

This isn't an unusual reaction from my mother. Most differences in opinion are met with withdrawal of help with the small amount of childcare I occasionally ask, a Peggy Mitchel style 'get outta my house' or a period of 'not speaking' from her. And we're talking silly differences, not major arguments. In fact anything where I don't agree explicitly with her. Such as thinking maybe that colour is a better match than the other colour. Mostly now I nod and agree.

I can probably just turn up in the morning with my daughter, drop her off, apologise and go to work. And suffer the silent treatment. I really wish I didn't have to but I'm left with little choice. But I'm wondering is it actually me? Is this reaction reasonable...because it doesn't seem to be to me. Is it hilarious for an 8 year old to stay in bed until midday? (there'd been no previous late nights, until that night...she didn't need the sleep) Is it unreasonable of me to think that even though she's being good enough to help out with childcare this week, it's a bit thoughtless to let my daughter sleep so late when she knows I'll be shattered tonight. Or that as her parent I should be able to say I didn't think it was the best idea? And am I being unreasonable to be pissed off at having the childcare favour constantly thrown in my face and used as a threat? I'm happy to accept it's me with the problem if needs be. Maybe I'm just a tired, narky cow sad

FutTheShuckUp Thu 03-Jan-13 19:24:07

It wouldnt be something i'd kick up a fuss about tbh

BackforGood Thu 03-Jan-13 19:25:35

Well, my thinking is, if she didn't need the sleep, then her body would wake her up naturally, so I'd say your Mum was sensible to let her sleep.
I do also think you are on very dodgy ground to expect people to be up and full of the joys of Spring at 8am if they don't need to be out for work / school. So, yes, YAB a bitU to have not bitten your tongue, IMO.

McNewPants2013 Thu 03-Jan-13 19:25:45

Unless DC have school, they sleep to when they get up.

I would never set an alarm on the weekend and i am lucky if DS aged 6 sleep past 6am but my dd wakes around 10ish and she is 3.

Why does your daughter need to be up before then.

RedHelenB Thu 03-Jan-13 19:27:30

If she didn't need the sleep then she wouldn't have stayed in bed so I think YABU. Also, if she is 8 then she should be able to amuse herself in her bedroom while you get on with your work, until she feels sleepy.

You didn't ask her to get your DD up at a certain time, is she supposed to be a mind reader?

TaraFey Thu 03-Jan-13 19:33:20

I didn't actually say anything about it. I just had an 'oh great' face. And then got screamed at for being ungrateful. maybe I am. starts lighting lavender candles in the hope DD goes to sleep before midnight

CloudsAndTrees Thu 03-Jan-13 19:33:21

You may be over reacting. While its not funny, it's not that bad either. I don't think you have valid reason to be pissed off that your dd slept so late, but your Mum does sound difficult.

As you need her help though, you have to put up with her bing difficult graciously

All 3 of mine woke up at 11 today. Didn't realise it was a big deal in the holidays. Although your mum sounds OTT in her response, I'd have been puzzled by your reaction.

Plus your DD is old enough to watch a film or play while you work tonight.

catgirl1976geesealaying Thu 03-Jan-13 19:36:50

Am I the only person who was not allowed to stay in bed past 9am during my entire time living with my parents from 0 - 18? confused

forevergreek Thu 03-Jan-13 19:39:18

I wouldnt be concerned. Also she is 8, surely you can still have yor wine and do ou whilst she is up? She can entertain herself/ read / watch film etc . Let her make some cakes or something ( and you just pop in the oven)

McNewPants2013 Thu 03-Jan-13 19:39:42

catgirl my mum got us up everyday at 7am.

catgirl1976geesealaying Thu 03-Jan-13 19:42:42

Phew smile

I was beginning to think we were really odd

Did yours use the refrain "You are wasting the day?"

OP I think you over-reacted a bit but your DM sounds challenging and I can imagine the thought of being up all night with your DD is stresful but she may sleep anyway and it is a one off

Gillyweed001 Thu 03-Jan-13 19:42:44

If you had said to your DM 'please make sure she is up by xx time' when you dropped her off, then yanbu.
If not, how was she supposed to know, in which case yabu. Hope she goes to sleep at a reasonable time for you.

MrsMcEnroe Thu 03-Jan-13 19:42:51

Catgirl - me too - was always dragged out of bed by 8am even in the school holidays sad

insanityscratching Thu 03-Jan-13 19:43:33

No Catgirl I was never allowed to sleep in past 8am and to this day I can't lie in bed and am rarely in bed past 7am.

TaraFey Thu 03-Jan-13 19:44:35

CatGirl..the funny thing is I was NEVER allowed to sleep in! Ever! Nor would my daughter ever stay in bed later than 8am on my days off without coming to pester me slight jealous feelings :D

insanityscratching Thu 03-Jan-13 19:44:56

I am entirely different with mine though and the first one got up around half eleven this morning (6 hours after I did)

McNewPants2013 Thu 03-Jan-13 19:45:52

catgirl at 17 i got a night job, it drove my mum potty as i used to get home at 7am

DeafLeopard Thu 03-Jan-13 19:46:58

My 8yo would be able to entertain herself while I got on with stuff, so I wouldn't be unduly worried by the lie-in tbh.

In fact she entertained herself this morning while I worked from home.

I think if someone is offering free childcare, then you have to show a level of appreciation, but it does sound like your parents are a bit OTT with their childish response, it must be horrid for you to be in that situation where your ability to work is on a knife edge trying to keep them happy.

TreadOnTheCracks Thu 03-Jan-13 19:47:18

Would your DD settle in bed with a good book, to wind down and give you some peace and quiet to study?

3smellysocks Thu 03-Jan-13 19:48:05

Did your Mum put your DD to bed late? She should have got her up at 8.30am or 9am instead and let you put her tpo bed early if she was short of sleep.

WinkyWinkola Thu 03-Jan-13 19:50:20

Op, the lie in thing is minor although not amusing.

On the other hand, your mother sounds pretty vile in the way she treats you. Her reactions to you are nasty.

Is there really no other option in terms of childcare? I'd really rather pay through the nose than have to encounter such a moo even if she did deign to look after my dcs every once in a while.

I thought gps gagged to look after their gcs?

ScaredySquirrel Thu 03-Jan-13 19:52:53

I think you're overreacting tbh.

I would just be envious if my dcs slept that late for anyone else, because they don't for me (except my teens).

I'd be surprised if she needed to stay up any later - if she's not sleepy she can always read in bed for a while and you can still do your essay.

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