to feel very betrayed by this

(87 Posts)
rutile Wed 02-Jan-13 18:26:49

I run a small business and I employ my brother (18) part time to help me with the admin. Today he told me that he’s been offered another job and that if I don’t raise his pay then he’s going to take it. We have been struggling recently but we are about to enter a very busy spell and I could do without having to recruit a replacement and show them how I want things to be done etc. I have always treated him really well (eg I gave him 3 weeks off around his exam period in the summer) and I feel really hurt that he has been going behind my back looking for another job to spring his increased wage demands. DP says that’s capitalism for you and said I should have listened to him when he said I shouldn’t have employed him and mixed family and business.

ComposHat Sun 06-Jan-13 20:31:57

Well regardless of that he HAS found something better.

SO he can hardly be blamed for taking it.

StuntGirl Sun 06-Jan-13 20:19:28

You lot must have been in very lucky positions to be able to turn down NMW jobs at age 18! I certainly didn't get anything better than that at that age.

ComposHat Thu 03-Jan-13 17:13:35

Get him to draft an advert for a new employee

Something like - Schuck required, must be prepared to work for a pittance and offer a lifetime commitment. Employer reserves the right to get shirty if you ever attempt to seek alternative employment.

gimmecakeandcandy Thu 03-Jan-13 17:10:24

She has flounced anyfucker!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 03-Jan-13 17:07:11

where has op gone ?

oldraver Thu 03-Jan-13 16:55:30

Get him to draft an advert for a new employee before he goes

GrumpySod Thu 03-Jan-13 16:50:35

yanbu. I'd be well cheesed off.
Hope you find a good replacement quickly.

I would be hurt if a member of my family went about it in this way (not that I am in your situation). I can understand why you would feel betrayed, but I think the best thing to do now is let him go. At 18 the grass will always be greener on the other side, and if you increase his wage now (whether you can afford to or not) you will always be worrying about whether he would do the same again. Wish him the very best of luck and ask if he would be prepared to stay on long enough to train someone else (even if you pay him more for a few weeks to do so).

12ylnon Thu 03-Jan-13 14:42:37

He's 18 and you expect him to stick with a minimum wage job? I understand that you may not be able to pay him more, but i don't think you can be annoyed at him for making the most of the opportunity he's been given. I would be very proud of him if i were you!

skullcandy Thu 03-Jan-13 13:49:00

how much more is the bar paying? can you match it?

BettySuarez Thu 03-Jan-13 13:31:59

I honestly don't think that his rate of pay or the fact that he is your brother should have any bearing here.

If you had posted to say that you were employing a teenager part-time who had now decided to look for another job, all of the responses on here would be 'eh?' 'and?'

I presume that you have issued him with a proper employment contract (if not, why not?) and that in there it states that he needs to give x amount of notice?

So is he working his notice or not? If he is then what are you complaining about?

If he isn't then he will learn the hard way that he needs to treat his employers fairly if he wishes be treated fairly by them.

I have employed family before (I have employed my teens part-time too) and there have never been any problems as we have always kept work and family seperate and kept everything on a professional level.

Not any any point would I have expected my kids to feel 'obligated' or 'grateful' for the work/pay they had and I actively encouraged them to move on when the time was right for them

It's a mistake to make assumptions based on a percieved family loyalty

ComposHat Thu 03-Jan-13 12:08:53

There is nothing 'sneaky' about looking for another job, he is an employee who is entitled to sell his labour to whoever he chooses. You pay him the legal minimum and are surprised that he wants to look elsewhere?

If you are expecting unquestioning devotion and loyalty in exchange for shite wages just because you share a genepool then YABVU.

littleladyindoors Thu 03-Jan-13 12:01:57

I work for family, and I would never go like this. Someone who has been working for you will know this is a busy time, and you really shouldnt issue an ultimatum. I understand where you are coming from totally. We dont even get paid, because we reinvest and work on the business.
I would let him go, training someone new is a pain but let him go and get other work. We had someone leave us in the business thinking the grass was greener, and left in a horrible way just before our busiest time of the year.

As for the minimum wage thing, if you can find a job at 18 with minimum experience for a lot more then good for you. Id work for minimum wage now, with my experience if I needed a job. Many places arent even paying that, due to apprenticeships and volunteers now.

RugBugs Thu 03-Jan-13 11:50:27

If he has little/no bar work experience he's most likely going to spending his time washing tables and collecting empties.
This is also the quietest time of the year for bars/pubs (the weather made for a disappointing last half of Dec too) so it seems an odd time to be recruiting.

I'd be wondering if he was just calling your bluff, and nmw is unfortunately pretty standard for entry level jobs, call it an apprenticeship and employers can pay even less.

WinkyWinkola Thu 03-Jan-13 11:46:26

So if you're living at home, you shouldn't be entitled to decent pay? Really? Gosh. No wonder young people don't have a hope in hell of getting on the property ladder.

In fact, I think some employers actually resent paying their staff anything. Staff should be honoured to have the privilege of working at all. grin

TheNebulousBoojum Thu 03-Jan-13 11:42:58

Pocket money?
Or building up a fund to help see him through his first year at University.
Maybe he's developed claustrophobia working for his big sister and wants some space, rather than being seen as an ungrateful child.

whois Thu 03-Jan-13 11:35:55

Minimum wage is pretty shitty too. It's not a living wage

No and it doesn't have to be a bloody living wage when your 18, living at home and working for pocket money FFS.

Xales Thu 03-Jan-13 11:31:51

If you are going to run a business then you have to separate feelings out of it. Your brother was an employee. While it is nice to have a lovely friendly relationship with employees you need to remain professional.

People are going to come and go in a business. It happens.

We have an apprentice from university in our department and she is on less than £3 a hour! She slaves her guts out and works overtime for no extra. Our boss wants to give her a set role and duties. The rest of us are saying no. She is there to learn and help her studies, she will not learn the rest of the job just be stuck doing that bit and if he wants her to do a proper official job then he has to pay her a proper wage. He just sees her as cheap and doesn't care. That is wrong.

I don't think there is anything wrong with paying NMW to an 18 year old who has probably learned a lot as they go. Once they have learned the extra they will be off like a shot to where there is more money. That is the way of the world.

If your business is struggling to pay someone NMW for part time hours then you need to look and see if you really need someone or can do a few hours more yourself or if there is a problem with your business that it is not making enough money to support the people needed to make it work? Or look at a temp, slightly more expensive but only use them for when you are busy and need them and cover it yourself during the quiet periods.

suburbophobe Thu 03-Jan-13 11:21:32

He needs to find his way in the world so I think it can only be a good thing that he is stepping into it.

Maybe he can help you train the new person?

FlimFlamMerrilyOnHigh Thu 03-Jan-13 11:15:15

BettySuarez 'now has a better offer elsewhere and so is going to take it'

I think you're missing the point. He's not just saying he's going to take another offer. He's saying he's found another job but he'll stay if she gives him a raise.

But I agree, it's better to avoid mixing family and business. It would probably be better for him too to be employed elsewhere.

Narked Thu 03-Jan-13 10:18:11

WOW! This sums up everything that worries me about the idea of working with family.

You pay him as little as you can legally get away with, he's good at his job, you could afford to pay him more and you feel betrayed!!! Why the hell wouldn't he look elsewhere! He's given you a chance to match the better offer rather than just walking.

You sound like you need to grow up.

TheNebulousBoojum Thu 03-Jan-13 10:08:23

Experience of a bar job will stand him in good stead when he wants to find work as a student to support himself, he will have developed a good skill set. Plus it is a step up from working for your big sister, I'm not sure you are displaying a professional attitude to your relationship.
You paid him minimum wage and gave him 3 weeks off so he could study and take the exams he needs which doesn't sound especially generous. How many hours a week is he working for you?
Let him go and consider whether it is worth losing the relationship over.

BettySuarez Thu 03-Jan-13 09:58:36

I don't think anyone is saying he is being exploited flimflam

He accepted the work but now has a better offer elsewhere and so is going to take it. It's not a 'betrayal' or a 'stunt', it's a perfectly natural and sensible decision.

I think OP that it's you who sounds a bit entitled and needy if I may say so. It must have taken your brother quite a bit of courage to make the decision he has.

FlimFlamMerrilyOnHigh Thu 03-Jan-13 09:45:50

Jesus, all these people complaining that the diddums is being exploited. When I was 18 and a student I did all kinds of shitty jobs and the minimum wage didn't exist. A part time job as admin assistant to an understanding and flexible employer is definitely cushy!

TameGaloot Thu 03-Jan-13 09:34:56

I think the op thought the other incentives were the amount of flexibility she gave him. He won't find other employers as flexible about taking time off for exams, will need to use his holiday and won't necessarily get that time if there are other people needing it too

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