to feel very betrayed by this

(87 Posts)
rutile Wed 02-Jan-13 18:26:49

I run a small business and I employ my brother (18) part time to help me with the admin. Today he told me that he’s been offered another job and that if I don’t raise his pay then he’s going to take it. We have been struggling recently but we are about to enter a very busy spell and I could do without having to recruit a replacement and show them how I want things to be done etc. I have always treated him really well (eg I gave him 3 weeks off around his exam period in the summer) and I feel really hurt that he has been going behind my back looking for another job to spring his increased wage demands. DP says that’s capitalism for you and said I should have listened to him when he said I shouldn’t have employed him and mixed family and business.

CaHoHoHootz Thu 03-Jan-13 01:48:05

YAB very U and a bit mean (sorry)

Working for your sister as an admin assistant doesn't sound like the most exciting thing for an 18 year old to be doing. Bar work ( especially if he gets tips) sounds like a lot more fun and every penny counts if you have only been earning NMW.

Wish him luck and give him a nice bonus when he leaves. smile

OldMacEIEIO Thu 03-Jan-13 01:55:35

What an absolute ingrate.

make sure you one of his kidneys before he leaves

MrRected Thu 03-Jan-13 01:58:58

I think you might be worried about the prospect of finding a replacement for him. I suspect you'll struggle to get somebody to do his job for GBP4.98 per hour and you know this.

He is perfectly within his rights to seek a higher wage. In fact, I applaud him for having the gumption to seek out better opportunities for himself.

Kaida Thu 03-Jan-13 02:41:34

Either the job, wage and conditions are good enough that it was a favour employing him, in which case you'll replace him no trouble, or your NMW job was bad enough that no-one would blame him jumping ship.

misterwife Thu 03-Jan-13 06:34:04

'I probably could afford to pay him a little bit more' - so do, if you value him that much.

Tee2072 Thu 03-Jan-13 06:59:13

Of course it's a stunt, but it's one that lots of people pull, being your brother has nothing to do with that part.

So treat him the way you would any other employee; insist he work his notice and wish him luck in the future.

buttercrumble Thu 03-Jan-13 07:09:11

I dont blame him , if you only pay him the minimum wage...

msrisotto Thu 03-Jan-13 07:26:22

YABU for feeling betrayed! You're only paying him minimum wage and bar work will be much more sociable and fun for him. I think this is a good opportunity to employ someone outside of family and friends where you have complicated politics to work around.

gimmecakeandcandy Thu 03-Jan-13 07:31:22

Yabu - and mean

Why shouldn't he earn more if he can? He is not here to prop up your business for the minimum wage. Think about how YOU act.

PanickingIdiot Thu 03-Jan-13 07:36:02

I thought he'd be here until he went to university and that he'd help me recruit and train a replacement. Not issue an ultimatum when he knows we're at our busiest and I need him.

Sorry but you can't run a business with that sort of attitude.

Employees work for you for the money, for the experience, or for the professional fulfillment. Not because you are busy or need a replacement trained. Just like you aren't employing them because they have bills to pay, are you? You employ them because you need their skills to make your profit.

If supply and demand is such that they get a better job elsewhere, and you can't or don't want to compete with those other employers, then you'll have to re-think what kind of employee you want to attract next time and what you can offer to them that's better than what they get elsewhere.

WinkyWinkola Thu 03-Jan-13 08:45:44

Looking for another job is hardly a betrayal, family or not. What a silly attitude.

Minimum wage is pretty shitty too. It's not a living wage.

I'd expect a pretty high turnover of staff in future if I were you.

FredFredGeorge Thu 03-Jan-13 09:20:42

YABVU, fair enough you hoped he'd stay longer, lots of employers do with their valuable employees, and to help that they pay them more, or offer other incentives.

Pay him more, or wish him luck in his new job - bar work is almost certainly more valuable job than admin for family in any case. It teaches a lot of good skills.

TameGaloot Thu 03-Jan-13 09:34:56

I think the op thought the other incentives were the amount of flexibility she gave him. He won't find other employers as flexible about taking time off for exams, will need to use his holiday and won't necessarily get that time if there are other people needing it too

FlimFlamMerrilyOnHigh Thu 03-Jan-13 09:45:50

Jesus, all these people complaining that the diddums is being exploited. When I was 18 and a student I did all kinds of shitty jobs and the minimum wage didn't exist. A part time job as admin assistant to an understanding and flexible employer is definitely cushy!

BettySuarez Thu 03-Jan-13 09:58:36

I don't think anyone is saying he is being exploited flimflam

He accepted the work but now has a better offer elsewhere and so is going to take it. It's not a 'betrayal' or a 'stunt', it's a perfectly natural and sensible decision.

I think OP that it's you who sounds a bit entitled and needy if I may say so. It must have taken your brother quite a bit of courage to make the decision he has.

TheNebulousBoojum Thu 03-Jan-13 10:08:23

Experience of a bar job will stand him in good stead when he wants to find work as a student to support himself, he will have developed a good skill set. Plus it is a step up from working for your big sister, I'm not sure you are displaying a professional attitude to your relationship.
You paid him minimum wage and gave him 3 weeks off so he could study and take the exams he needs which doesn't sound especially generous. How many hours a week is he working for you?
Let him go and consider whether it is worth losing the relationship over.

Narked Thu 03-Jan-13 10:18:11

WOW! This sums up everything that worries me about the idea of working with family.

You pay him as little as you can legally get away with, he's good at his job, you could afford to pay him more and you feel betrayed!!! Why the hell wouldn't he look elsewhere! He's given you a chance to match the better offer rather than just walking.

You sound like you need to grow up.

FlimFlamMerrilyOnHigh Thu 03-Jan-13 11:15:15

BettySuarez 'now has a better offer elsewhere and so is going to take it'

I think you're missing the point. He's not just saying he's going to take another offer. He's saying he's found another job but he'll stay if she gives him a raise.

But I agree, it's better to avoid mixing family and business. It would probably be better for him too to be employed elsewhere.

suburbophobe Thu 03-Jan-13 11:21:32

He needs to find his way in the world so I think it can only be a good thing that he is stepping into it.

Maybe he can help you train the new person?

Xales Thu 03-Jan-13 11:31:51

If you are going to run a business then you have to separate feelings out of it. Your brother was an employee. While it is nice to have a lovely friendly relationship with employees you need to remain professional.

People are going to come and go in a business. It happens.

We have an apprentice from university in our department and she is on less than £3 a hour! She slaves her guts out and works overtime for no extra. Our boss wants to give her a set role and duties. The rest of us are saying no. She is there to learn and help her studies, she will not learn the rest of the job just be stuck doing that bit and if he wants her to do a proper official job then he has to pay her a proper wage. He just sees her as cheap and doesn't care. That is wrong.

I don't think there is anything wrong with paying NMW to an 18 year old who has probably learned a lot as they go. Once they have learned the extra they will be off like a shot to where there is more money. That is the way of the world.

If your business is struggling to pay someone NMW for part time hours then you need to look and see if you really need someone or can do a few hours more yourself or if there is a problem with your business that it is not making enough money to support the people needed to make it work? Or look at a temp, slightly more expensive but only use them for when you are busy and need them and cover it yourself during the quiet periods.

whois Thu 03-Jan-13 11:35:55

Minimum wage is pretty shitty too. It's not a living wage

No and it doesn't have to be a bloody living wage when your 18, living at home and working for pocket money FFS.

TheNebulousBoojum Thu 03-Jan-13 11:42:58

Pocket money?
Or building up a fund to help see him through his first year at University.
Maybe he's developed claustrophobia working for his big sister and wants some space, rather than being seen as an ungrateful child.

WinkyWinkola Thu 03-Jan-13 11:46:26

So if you're living at home, you shouldn't be entitled to decent pay? Really? Gosh. No wonder young people don't have a hope in hell of getting on the property ladder.

In fact, I think some employers actually resent paying their staff anything. Staff should be honoured to have the privilege of working at all. grin

RugBugs Thu 03-Jan-13 11:50:27

If he has little/no bar work experience he's most likely going to spending his time washing tables and collecting empties.
This is also the quietest time of the year for bars/pubs (the weather made for a disappointing last half of Dec too) so it seems an odd time to be recruiting.

I'd be wondering if he was just calling your bluff, and nmw is unfortunately pretty standard for entry level jobs, call it an apprenticeship and employers can pay even less.

littleladyindoors Thu 03-Jan-13 12:01:57

I work for family, and I would never go like this. Someone who has been working for you will know this is a busy time, and you really shouldnt issue an ultimatum. I understand where you are coming from totally. We dont even get paid, because we reinvest and work on the business.
I would let him go, training someone new is a pain but let him go and get other work. We had someone leave us in the business thinking the grass was greener, and left in a horrible way just before our busiest time of the year.

As for the minimum wage thing, if you can find a job at 18 with minimum experience for a lot more then good for you. Id work for minimum wage now, with my experience if I needed a job. Many places arent even paying that, due to apprenticeships and volunteers now.

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