to think certain of my single friends are single because they are just far too fussy

(136 Posts)
Croccy1979 Wed 02-Jan-13 14:24:28

Got several friends in their 30s who are still single and go on about it the whole time. They are all very attractive, interesting, fun, intelligent, have good jobs etc.

I do sympathise to a point, but AIBU to suggest that perhaps they should be a bit less fussy? OK so not suggesting they should go out with any old Tom, Dick or Harry as you need certain standards, but AIBU to think maybe they should sometimes 'give it a go' with someone who seems to have some potential rather than just rejecting men instantly if they don't tick all their boxes.

I was slightly unsure about DP for our first few dates as he was very shy and I didn't think he was my type, but now I am head over heels in love and would not be without him. So so very glad I gave him a shot grin and didn't write him off.

Also feel like my friends are sometimes not very self-aware - one friend refused to date a guy as he didn't have his own home and car (neither does she) and another rejected a guy because he was slightly overweight (she is hardly Kate Moss herself)........

They also seem to be attracted to good looking / trendy guys who are obviously complete plonkers - fair enough when you are 21 but thought people would have cottoned on and learnt to identify the good guys by the time they hit 30.........

Not meaning to be unsympathetic with this post, just thinking of the best ways to help my friends help themselves so to speak.

shesariver Fri 04-Jan-13 11:56:35

Its not necessarily a case of wanting to live with your parents as an adult, its a case of having to, or be homeless. I would never have any of my 3 DCs homeless as an adult.

Latara Fri 04-Jan-13 10:43:13

I seem to attract: Players, addicts, married men and er, that's it.

Is it picky to ask for someone who doesn't tick those boxes??

I think my problem is that i'm too laid back & 'nice' to people, so the 'wrong' kind of men don't get put off.

MardyArsedMidlander Fri 04-Jan-13 09:30:10

After reading this yesterday, I got an email from a guy at a dating site who said he was interested. He has a disability (no probs- so do I)- but 'hates doley scroungers'. He wants a 'respettfull woman' and his favourite book is 'American Psycho' and his favourite game something called 'STALKER' [SHOCK]

Think I might carry on being picky....

LessMissAbs Fri 04-Jan-13 00:56:11

superstarheartbreaker I recently went out with a lovely man who dosn't have his own home and has no car because he has a car phobia after an accident but I didn't care because I liked him so much. He has rejected me as I have a child even though in his words I am "intelligent, attractive and funny

I got rejected by a guy (before I met DH) for being "too good looking and too intelligent".

I also got rejected for being 2 1/2 years older than a guy once.

Adversecamber Thu 03-Jan-13 23:30:34

One of my male friends was made redundant and was going to have to move back home , he did fortunately get another job so managed to avoid it. That would be fine with me.

SinisterBuggyMonth Thu 03-Jan-13 23:29:42

I've just realised that ALL my ex's lived at home with their parents, including DP (although he was going through a divorce and ExW got the house). However I live in the South East, you have to be a premiership footballer to get a mortgage on a studio flat round here. and I lived with my mum until 32 FREAK THAT I AM

squoosh Thu 03-Jan-13 23:13:14

Because I’m an independent adult and cannot fathom why another adult (I’m going to imagine someone over the age of 25) would possibly want to live with their parents. I can understand that certain circumstances might mean they may need to move home for maybe a few months. But a man who had never left home? Not in a million years. Red flags ahoy!

So, so, so unsexy.

KellyElly Thu 03-Jan-13 23:08:15

There's a BIG difference between a 30 odd year old living with his parents because he's moved back to save for a flat, had a divorce etc. One that's been living there since birth is a no go IMO.

KC225 Thu 03-Jan-13 23:08:08

Superstar:- are you Julie Burchill talking about Tony Parsons?

ILoveSaladReallyIDo Thu 03-Jan-13 23:06:01

but dating anyone that there isn't some physical attraction to is both patronising and a waste of everyone's time, chemistry is very important!

shesariver Thu 03-Jan-13 23:05:46

I'd be shocked if someone wasn't bothered by a grown man living with his Mum and Dad!

Why?

KellyElly Thu 03-Jan-13 23:05:11

I'd be shocked if someone wasn't bothered by a grown man living with his Mum and Dad! yep this

ILoveSaladReallyIDo Thu 03-Jan-13 23:04:42

it depends on whether they're still living at home (i.e. 40 and never moved out), our just currently back living with mum and dad and have plans to move out in the future IYKWIM

DH was living at home when I met him, he had moved out at 18 and had only been back for a few months and was only there for a few months more

same goes for job, if they're currently low earning but have had an interesting career history and interesting career plans for the future, then their employment status right now doesn't matter IMO, but if they've never done much and don't plan to do much that's different

superstarheartbreaker Thu 03-Jan-13 23:02:51

The guy with the small dick was also shorter than me. See; I took the relative beauty of youth for granted when I could have gone for a stunner with a nice personality. I think looks are important. Some people find a certain type attractive; I like both geeks and jocks. As long as theyy have a certain charisma or a warm heart.

squoosh Thu 03-Jan-13 23:00:32

And looks are so important, finding someone sexually attractive is Step 1.

squoosh Thu 03-Jan-13 22:59:32

I'd be shocked if someone wasn't bothered by a grown man living with his Mum and Dad!

foreverondiet Thu 03-Jan-13 22:57:22

Totally agree. Shocked by the no car and living with parents comment.

Maybe no need for a car as takes tube / train to work.
Maybe lives with parents to save money to eventually buy a house.

Also some stuff shouldn't be compromised on - like shouldn't be with someone who is abusive or has anger management issues and will not deal with. Or arrogant or obnoxious. And might be difficult if very conflicting say religious beliefs.

But don't get why height / looks / profession / interests are so important.

KellyElly Thu 03-Jan-13 22:57:03

How old are you? 55 is def way to old for me! Older than my mum and dad!

superstarheartbreaker Thu 03-Jan-13 22:44:28

I love hot young guys! thay are fun! I love hot old guys too! Some friends have told me that I date too young but when I go on a dating website I always put ages 18-55. Plenty of choice!

KellyElly Thu 03-Jan-13 22:39:32

Oh superstar all I attract are hot young guys. Fun but not relationship material even though they keep telling me they are (bless them) smile

superstarheartbreaker Thu 03-Jan-13 22:38:53

Also would like to point out that finding your dp early in life is not necesarily the best thing ..I met y minger with the small dick at the tender age of 16. The abuse was severe and it ruined my chances of finding a decent man in my early 20s when all of my friends were hooking up with their university friends. Mabe my bitterness scared men away grin . The bonus when dating as an older woman is that we can sift through the arseholes (kind of).

superstarheartbreaker Thu 03-Jan-13 22:18:40

Since having dd however I have pulled some very hot 22 year olds who love older women. It's just they would be rubbish partners (generally). Likewise I fancy some really hot silver foxes at work. It's so easy to generalise. In conclusion though I think YABU. I have got very badly burned in the past for not aiming high enough. One of the most abusive arseholes I have been with was alos a minger with a small dick but I considered him to be in my league so gave him a chance. Where did it get me? Nowhere. Aim high I say.
I went on a date with a man with no job, no car who lived with mum and dad and I liked him a lot. I would have given him a chance but he was looking for work elsewhere in the country.

superstarheartbreaker Thu 03-Jan-13 22:10:23

It goes both ways you know; I recently went out with a lovely man who dosn't have his own home and has no car because he has a car phobia after an accident but I didn't care because I liked him so much. He has rejected me as I have a child even though in his words I am "intelligent, attractive and funny". Sigh. I normally go for hotties but surely that is normal. He wasn't a conventional hottie but I still fancied him. Apparently there's a spark (in his words again) but that's not enough.

When I first dated my DH I was impressed with how organised he seemed with his finances. Later I found out he was completely insolvent and the bills he was paying were all final demands. But by the time I'd found this out I'd decided I rather liked him and stuck with it. A few months later he came by a very large inheritance which he basically handed over to me as he didn't trust himself with it. So I dated an impoverished hippy and ended up mortgage free - who knew!

KellyElly Thu 03-Jan-13 21:33:23

It would probably be best for me to discount all single mothers as, frankly, their earning potential is rarely that great and a lot of them don't even own their own homes. That's me in a nutshell Snorbes grin

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