I don't want Step mum at wedding :(

(79 Posts)
brightonm81 Tue 01-Jan-13 02:14:48

Me and my parner are planning a small family wedding (20 guests of immediate family. The problem arises fromteh fact thatmydad had an affair about 10 years ago with my now step mother. We never got on from the word go, as I couldn't forgive her for what she did to my mum. She was nasty to me and my sisters (malicious letters, phonecalls, empty xmas pressies etc there is a whole lot more...) Despite all this my dad seems to believe there is not a problem?! I didn't speak to my dad for several years as a result, but he has just recently moved to the same town as me

I have wanted to rebuild my our relationship, but still don't like being around his wife as I know she is cunning, deceitful and can't be trusted. She is very nice to my face, and I am polite back, as I am trying to be civil as I enjoy seeing my dad again - just not her. My dad never speaks to me without her being there and I honestly feel hurt that he won't spend time alone with me to rebuild our relationship.

My mum is obviously still very upset with the circumstances and both me and my sister feel like we are betraying her by having contact with dad.This is compounded by out gran making remarks anytime we have contact with dad. My other two sisters seem to have forgiven all and pander to my step mother. They admit they are nice to her to prevent her from causing trouble for them.

She tried to accuse my dog of biting my sister when she was young in an attempt to get it put to sleep as she knew I was very attached - I used this dog to help me get over the hurt of my dad telling me " i'll always chose her, before dumping me on a train back to my mum." And she even waited until my 16th birthday meal to announce that my other dog had died (2 weeks previously, but yet she saved it for my birthday to tell me the bad news!) My little sister has had a baby and she even tried phoning Social Services on her for no reason at all (honestly) during her first month of being a mother ( anon,but we knew it was her due to previous dealings!) She is very good at playing the innocentand I really cant stand it,but I with the risk of sounding immature, I don't want to let her 'win' and have mestop contact with mydad again.

Anyhoo, to cut a long story short my partner doesnt want my stepmum at wedding as he sees how much she upsets me and even he has tried to get on with her but can't as he doesn't trust her! I don't want to spend our wedding day in such an intimate setting worrying aboutstep mum behaving or mymum being uncomfortable and I dont want any fights. I know people say that surely for one day they can grow up and get on - but in reality there is a lot of hurt and hate which when mixed with booze could be uncomfortable.

I don't know wether to simply not invite my dad and his wife and jst have a meal for them to celebrate, OR JUST INVITE MY DAD AND RISK HER MALICIOUS ACTS as a result. Ironically I really dont want to hurt my dads feelings,but getting frustrated as no one in my family seems to be acknowledging how I feel.

Do I invite or not, that is the question (dilema)...

gimmecakeandcandy Wed 02-Jan-13 09:11:23

Please don't buckle op, she sounds totally vile. And she is a bully if your sisters try to keep the peace by letting her behaviour slide.

ImaginateMum Wed 02-Jan-13 18:38:03

burntcake I think some women are jealous of the time, energy, love and money that a man may spend on the children from his former marriage.

pigletmania Wed 02-Jan-13 19:43:36

Don't invite her, she sounds as toxic as hell. If your dad won't come without her, tough. It will show you where you stand

pigletmania Wed 02-Jan-13 19:47:22

I know it's sad biput your father does not sound like much of a father, puts this woman above you and your siblings, quite frankly your best off without this spineless jerk in your life

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