To have 'The Rage' and hate myself for it.

(35 Posts)
GrrrrArrgh Sat 29-Dec-12 01:12:33

DH and I have been trying for another DC for the best part of a year. No joy.

A lovely friend of mine has been trying for a similar amount of time. She messaged me today to tell me she is pregnant.

God love her she told me first. Of course I went straight back to her to tell her I am thrilled for her. I AM thrilled for her.

Then I cried and cried in a bitter jealous rage. Then DH told me I am insane and a horrid person because I should be happy for her.

I am happy for her, but I am sad and utterly jealous and bitter for me.

Now I feel like a complete cunt. And I may have to cry a bit more, and seethe a bit, and possibly throw myself to the floor and stamp my feet.

I don't know what is wrong with me tbh, I know IABU.

GrrrrArrgh Sat 29-Dec-12 14:23:30

Well I am feeling a bit better this morning.

I suspect DH felt a bit guilty since he brought DD down this morning, breakfasted her and took down the Xmas tree, tidied all the stuff away and cleaned the sitting room.

He let me sleep til noon blush

Now just waiting for AF to start the bitch and I can start the New Year with a positive attitude... maybe

thanks to all.

Completely normal reaction.
We'd been trying for 9 months after our first pregnancy ended in an ectopic and loss of a tube.
My good friend, hadn't even been trying but was late, As I had hundreds many pregnancy tests, I offered her one, she POAS, positive result right in front of my eyes.

I held it together while she was with me, but when she left I was inconsolable, bitter and jealous.
I got over it and I'm sure it will pass for you too. It's a totally normal response.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Sat 29-Dec-12 11:04:36

I had a tough time getting my first, second was quicker DH has had snip and I STILL get emotional when anyone tells me they are PG, even though I am too old for babies. Colleague had 6 years of IVF then baby was stillborn, had a natural PG soon after and was not trying again, 5 years later she tells me in secret she is PG again, I cried in genuine delight this time.

MummytoMog Sat 29-Dec-12 10:33:12

Very normal - I'm not even trying for DC3 yet and I had to sneak off to the loos to cry when my colleague announced she was pregnant with twins (PMS strikes again).

peaceandlovebunny Sat 29-Dec-12 10:30:35

normal. 100% normal.

TheShriekingHarpy Sat 29-Dec-12 10:17:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Perfectly normal, your dh is a twat.

Who wants to be with someone who expects you to swallow your own normal feelings at home?

Maybe he was frightened by the strength of your reaction? But to try to take it away from you is unacceptable.

shlomojo Sat 29-Dec-12 10:00:12

YANBU imo totally normal reaction, and the only person who saw it was your DP. It's not like you cried and screamed to your preggo friend ffs! He should have been more understanding that you do have emotions as well.

It's NOT normal to be calm and placid all the time!

PessaryPam Sat 29-Dec-12 09:39:50

Are you sure you should have a child with your 'D'H? He sounds like he will not be supportive if he can't support you now and understand your sadness and frustration.

MrsKeithRichards Sat 29-Dec-12 09:09:36

Been there, totally normal. Have you seen your go yet? I went after a year I'd trying, I was 27 with one dc already and he was quite surprised I hadn't came in sooner really. He done that 21 day test which was fine, said to get eh to hand in a sample and mentioned he'd see me in a year with a baby. he was right, he done my son's 6 week check almost exactly a year later.

harassedandherbug Sat 29-Dec-12 08:59:57

Sounds like a totally normal reaction to me. It's so hard, and such mixed feelings.

I hope your dh can be a bit more sympathetic.

yousmell Sat 29-Dec-12 08:38:46

Go ask for a day 21 progesterone text at your GP surgery. Common problem for women and easily resolved.

FellatioNelson Sat 29-Dec-12 05:16:34

YANBU at all, your reaction is perfectly normal and justifiable. sad Just try to keep your feelings to yourself and DH, and do not let your disappointment and envy tip over into acting like a cow bag to her, as her PG progresses. Because that would be VU.

Lots of that seems to go on, sadly. I am sure the women who do it are hurting inside but it's not fair to be mean to someone else for something they have no control over. I am sure you will not do that though, but just saying....

And I predict you will conceive in 2013. grin <sends baby vibes>

YANBU. I did the same when I'd been tying around 6mo and a dear friend announced her pregnancy. I was do happy for her. She'd just got married and it was her first. But so sad for me even though I had 2 dc already.

It's completely normal. Be kind to yourself!

McNewPants2013 Sat 29-Dec-12 04:49:13

very normal, TTC with DC2 and having my sister pregnant and SIL pregnant I cried and cried and cried and showed emotions that wasn't pretty.

i was looking forward to becoming an auntie to 2, but it didn't stop me feeling that I WISHED IT WAS ME

lottiegarbanzo Sat 29-Dec-12 04:40:11

You sound normal and your DH really needs to learn something about empathy and kindness. Not immediately understanding your reaction is one thing but calling you names is quite another.

jessjessjess Sat 29-Dec-12 04:15:28

And are taking the wrong things seriously...

jessjessjess Sat 29-Dec-12 04:14:51

jteee did you read the post? Feeling upset in this situ is normal. It's not trivial. You're being horrible not helping.

jteee Sat 29-Dec-12 04:11:22

Why is anyone on thisd thread threatening PHYSICAL violence for example? Who the f* would like that if threatened against one of us?

jteee Sat 29-Dec-12 04:10:02

You are not a twat or an idiot...but admitting to RAGE like this over something so personal, and trivial to many, is a worry.
See a shrink.

Fakebook Sat 29-Dec-12 03:51:29

Unfortunately your reaction is very much normal and you shouldn't feel guilty. I had 4 early miscarriages before I had DS and remember crying very emotionally when reading about Mariah Carey's twin pregnancy(!) it felt unfair that I couldn't conceive ONE healthy baby in my mid-late twenties, yet here was this beautiful celeb with a perfect life, expecting two perfect babies at her (ahem) advanced age.

I really do hope things work out for you, as it happens DS was conceived whilst we were on a holiday we had put off for 3 years. Maybe you could do with a relaxing break somewhere faraway and hot!

Jacksmania Sat 29-Dec-12 03:03:19

You can be utterly sad for yourself and truly happy for someone else at the same time. Trust me, I feel that way a lot.

(((((((*HUGS*))))))))

Shall I come over and give your DH a gentle smack so he stops being a git? unsympathetic swine

Damash12 Sat 29-Dec-12 01:44:12

Totally normal reaction. I did the same thing last year when a couple of friends said they where pregnant. Dh used to say "good for them" and totally not get why I was sad and tearful. Anyway, next mission was ovulation testing kits (couple of quid from eBay) no more mrs yeah let's see what happens. Only 2 months later bingo! and now 35 weeks pg. god luck Hun x

GrrrrArrgh Sat 29-Dec-12 01:44:00

Oh thank you.

I think I was a bit wrong footed by his reaction blush as he caught me out crying and I just told him why without thinking.

I know he is a lot more relaxed about the time it's taking us than I am, which is undoubtedly a more sensible approach the git so I guess he thought I was angry with her or something, maybe.

Am also totally PMSing, so just had the whole 'utter failure' feeling for this month, which probably didn't help.

I may stop crying soon numpty that I am

MoetEtPantsOn Sat 29-Dec-12 01:37:12

This same thing happened to me 10 years ago. Then the friend had a miscarriage a few days later. I felt awful for her and even more awful that I felt a teensy bit relieved. what a terrible thing to admit

She fell pregnant again next cycle and I cried and cried again and then DH and I had a big chat. He admitted he had some things he'd like to do before we had kids. I realised that I had something too. We did those things and then 5 years ago started to TTC again. Now have two DCs. Timing much better for us.

Of course we were amazingly fortunate that later in life it seemed to be much easier to conceive. But I tell you this story to say that I completely emphasise and remember your pain. And also to offer some hope.

Your DH may just be frustrated that he can't offer much cheering up but i think he IBU to call you those things. Can you do some of your raging away from him? Get it all out. Good luck. You sound like a lovely friend.

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