To be unsympathetic with pregnant friend

[creamteas]

Two people I know were in an on-off relationship which neither took very seriously. Last year, due to contraception failure, she became pregnant. From the beginning, he made it clear he was not interested in being a father and offered her money and support through an abortion. She decided she wanted the baby, and at which point he stated that he wanted nothing to do which the future child and ended all contact with her. This was at about 6 weeks in and she is now 36 weeks pregnant.

Throughout the pregnancy she has sent him constant updates and invitations to scans etc all of which have gone unanswered. She was still assuming he would change his mind, when this week she heard the news that he is moving abroad just after New Year.

She is now apparently devastated and wondering how she will cope. Yet it was her decision to continue with the pregnancy and she did so knowing that he had no intention of being involved.

I am trying to be sympathetic but given that he made his feelings very clear from the beginning, I really don?t think she has anything to complain about. She made the decision to continue with the pregnancy knowing that he was not going to be involved. AIBU.

[whistlestopcafe]

YABU. You don't sound a great friend.

[scrumpkin]

Your poor friend

[BigShinyBaubles]

Its understandable that shes scared but with supportive family and friends she'll manage.
Plenty of people dont want children but accidentally get pregnant and the men come around to the idea, maybe she thought it would be the same for him?
Maybe you need to be abit less judgemental and more supportive

[quoteunquote]

He also knew she was pregnant and made a choice to walk away, just because he demanded she had an abortion, that she didn't have, doesn't mean he can pretend he isn't involved,

He is involved, his child has done nothing wrong and doesn't deserve to be abandoned, he needs to face that now, and do everything that is right for that child.

So does he want to be know forever as a person who abandoned his child?

[HappyJustToBe]

YABU.

[Icelollycraving]

My dh was not particularly over the moon understatement when I got pregnant. I continued with the pregnancy & he had a change of heart a week before I was due. It was ridiculously stressful but I knew I wanted ds.
Perhaps she was hoping for the same secretly. She will need a lot of support.
Yabu.

[MimiSunshine]

She's probably had other people in her ear telling her "that he'll come round once he meets the baby" she's probably been imagining a romantic reunion in the delivery room.
Yes she's been a bit of a fool, but go easy on her, she's delayed her heartbreak over their 'break up' and now is panicking.
Just remind her that she choose to go ahead and that took some strength so she'll be ok and she'll have plenty of support from friends and family

[2048]

Hi creamtea
You ANBU, what does she expect you to do? I'm sure you will be around for her, has she thought of adoption? It's a bit late to wonder how she will cope.

[peaceandlovebunny]

you are not being unreasonable at all.
she made this choice for herself.

you might want to be friends, you might not, but you can't pretend that the man didn't make himself clear. she's on her own and she chose it.

sorry. scary. but her choice.

[NotAnotherPackedLunch]

YABU.
I hope she has some actual friends to support her as well as the type who slag her off.

[dreamingbohemian]

YABU and not very nice. I can't imagine feeling this way about a real friend.

They are equally responsible for the pregnancy. No one can make him have a relationship with the mother but he is a real jerk for abandoning his child, who didnt' ask for any of this.

What a coincidence he's moving abroad just when he would have to start paying child support.

Go ahead and be a bit exasperated with her if you want, but unsympathetic? Really? wow.

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Wow you sound lovely OP, can't you just be supportive to your 'friend'? If not then she is better off without you or the loser dad in here's and the child's life

[MammaTJ]

I think 'friend' is a poor description of you tbh!!

Seriously, do you think she should have had an abortion then?

Will you expect to be allowed near the baby you wish dead?

She needs support and understanding and instead you are saying she should have had an abortion on his say so.

Womans rights? Heard of them? You know, where the woman gets to decide what to do?

Had she had an abortion and been traumatised by it, would you be supporting her through that?

[ClutchingMyPearls]

YABU. She cannot help but feel devestated. So she got pregnant. So it was a mistake. His mistake too and it doesn't mean that she should be punished for it just because she decided (bravely I think) to go through with the pregnancy.

Maybe she did think he would come round to the idea, maybe she has feelings for him and hoped he would for both her and the baby.

She can cope (I did) with helpful friends and family. You should be supportive of her as she will need all the help she can get. Even just a shoulder to cry on.

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Her's even

[redexpat]

I understand where you are coming from, but really I think you should try and be a bit more charitable. It's much easier to see things in black and white when you are not directly involved. He should pay maintenance though. Perhaps you could help your friend by reading up on the rules and regulations? Having a baby is a major change in your life, adn it must be really tough to go through it alone.