To Be Annoyed about this (Poss SN) Childs Behaviour

(1000 Posts)
fantasticfanjo Fri 28-Dec-12 13:32:06

Ok so we went to The Panto last night which wasn't a cheap night out with the tickets costing £100 + for 4 of us.

We were sat 4 seats in with a family of 4 occupying the end 4.

The Father of other the family preceded to lift his DS aged about 10/11 over the seats (spare) to the row in front so he could get a better view and was now sat directly in front of my DP.

This child then spent the entire performance jumping up and down on the seat in front,shouting loudly for sweets,flapping arms,banding his head with his shoes which he'd taken off and generally distracting everyone around him. To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc.

Although My experience of ASD is quite limited, I'm assuming the boy was on the Autistic spectrum and although the panto is a family performance and I expect to be disturbed by kids needing a wee,rustling sweets etc AIBU to be pissed off with our evening be ruined especially seeing the boy could have been seated on the end of the aisle where he would have disturbed others less ?

Megglevache Fri 28-Dec-12 14:26:30

oh my gosh, how rude some people are being about FF .

You are not an arsehole shock

YANBU to think the parents should have found a way where their dc could've enjoyed the performance without them having to bark at him send "threaten" their kid.

FF...I think youve had some really harsh criticism.

most fellow parents of autistic children I know wouldn't have behaved as you describe.

Pagwatch Fri 28-Dec-12 14:27:21

confused sorry. I thought your post was suggesting that you were sad that your dd can't go to a panto like other children. Just tryingto help.

MolehillAlchemy Fri 28-Dec-12 14:27:25

Being a veteran of many pantos, they are the one place I'd expect every child to be over-excited, fidgety, bouncy and generally a bit annoying.

Maybe the parent of the boy thought a panto was one annual outing where his son's behaviour wasn't so out of the ordinary.

usualsuspect3 Fri 28-Dec-12 14:28:20

Well you know, if the OP knew MN she must have known how this thread would turn out.

Why start it?

Megglevache Fri 28-Dec-12 14:28:21

this is a thread about the boys PARENTS!!!

silverfrog Fri 28-Dec-12 14:29:00

ime, stimming can be as much about the enjoyment of the stim as to reduce sensory overload. thus dd1 has had some corkers of stims, which she enjoys, but which are not socially acceptable in all contexts. if she wants to go and see a show/panto (which generally she does - she enjoys them a lot), she needs to stop/reduce the unnecessary stims as much as possible, so that she doesn't disrupt everyone else's enjoyment of the show.

it can be as cruel to leave her continuing these stims, but unable to access wider life than it is to get ehr to reduce these stims and continue to go to the cinema/theatre/other sociable activity.

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:29:17

Meggle the point is she didn't originally complain about the parent but an autistic child stimming

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Fri 28-Dec-12 14:29:46

Pagwatch..I appreciate your post smile

I wasnt addressing you in my ire smile

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:30:17

Silverfrog I know what you're saying and I used to think that way but the autistic adults I spoke to say otherwise and I'm more inclined to listen to them... What with them having autism and all smile

fantasticfanjo Fri 28-Dec-12 14:31:14

We couldn't move as there was only 2 spare seats in the row in fount (one of which the boy was sat in) As for speaking to the parents,do you really think that given the fact that the father spent the entire time threatening violence towards his obviously Autistic child make him a reasonable rational person ?

Pagwatch Fri 28-Dec-12 14:31:14

I would do anything I could to help ds2 cope with a panto. But if the manifestation of his difficulties massively impacted upon people around him then I would take him home tbh.

But I still don't get why the op didn't speak to the family or ask to be moved

We took ds2 to the panto on boxing day. He did get a few looks wen he sang along . He has a voice only a mother could love grin

AmberLeaf Fri 28-Dec-12 14:31:37

I don't know much about ASD but I believe that unfamiliarity, noises, darkness/funny lighting etc can stress out some children with these issues and trigger them to act out It doesn't seem like a family panto trip was a very good idea for this boy

It isnt 'acting out' I get the point you are making but the term acting out suggests a degree of wilfulness which when it comes to stimming just isnt there.

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:32:06

Well of you couldn't move then how could they?

I've also taken dd1 out of places when things have got too much.
I always make sure if I can we are at the end of an aisle for quick get away.

Apart from last week at Lion King when they messed our tickets up and we were all sat seperate! Even then I positioned dd1 on end, I sat eight seats from her and mum sat with the others behind.

Pagwatch Fri 28-Dec-12 14:32:50

Could you not speak to a member of staff.

The level of behaviour you described must have been noticed by several rows of people around you. Did no one say anything at all?

silverfrog Fri 28-Dec-12 14:33:01

the passive aggressive smiley does you no favours, Dozyduck smile

I prefer to listen to my dd, what with her having autism and all.

she is able to reduce some of her stims.

she wants to go to the theatre/cinema/etc.

she wants to fit in, and people to not judge her. we guide her and try to help her shape her behaviour to achieve this.

we do not ask too much of her, and always prepare her well (which ime goes a long way towards reducing stims anyway)

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:34:03

And actually DS is an angel at theatres and pantos and cinemas. In fact spends his time glaring at NT children who are making noises. But I haven't once thought to whinge about it to be honest. But I have got plenty of grips

Pagwatch Fri 28-Dec-12 14:34:11

That's good fanjo smile

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:35:22

Why should people judge her anyway though? She shouldn't HAVE to worry about what other people think it makes me very sad.

If your DD can communicate with you then that's very good smile

AmberLeaf Fri 28-Dec-12 14:35:27

I don't think any parent should try to stop an autistic child stimming because it makes others feel uncomfortable.

I used to think that way but the autistic adults I spoke to say otherwise and I'm more inclined to listen to them... What with them having autism and all

DozyDuck Im on the same page as you on that one.

As I have said before 99.9% of theatres have a couple of seats usually in boxes empty for situations were people are unhappy and need to be moved. (used to work in theatres).

Megglevache Fri 28-Dec-12 14:37:00

lots of lovely mums on this thread. Lucky children. xx

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:37:28

amberleaf my eyes were well and truly opened when I started reading blogs/ talking to people who actually have autism, it's helped me and DS no end.

FanjoTimeMammariesAndWine Fri 28-Dec-12 14:39:55

From the OP

"To give the father credit he did repeatedly tell the child to shut up /sit down and threaten him etc."

NO..the OP was not posting about the terrible behaviour of the child's parents but of the child himself.

Bye all...

also, I may get angry at shitty OPs like this but I am still a "lovely parent" to my DD wink

DozyDuck Fri 28-Dec-12 14:40:45

Fanjo I didn't even realise the OP was giving the parent credit for threatening his child angry

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