To think adults who can't drive are a nuisance

(664 Posts)
Atthewelles Thu 27-Dec-12 14:07:10

Barring situations where an illness or financial circumstances proscribe it aibu to think adults who can't drive are a PITA. People have to constantly go out of their way to collect/drop them off places; arrange plans around the times that suit the non-driver who can't travel solo but has to tag along with you; always be the designated driver who can't have a drink while the non driver happily slurps a third glass of wine etc etc etc

Yes, I have been spending too much time with a non driving sibling over the family Christmas but AIBU to think that a perfectly functioning adult (who is extremely technically minded) in full time paid employment, should bloody well learn to drive.

LilyVonSchtupp Mon 31-Dec-12 01:20:48

Offred I want to agree with your comment about drivers who feel they MUST offer lifts to bully people who don't drive. I am hmm about all the drivers in the thread who have said they feel obliged to offer non-drivers transport. IME it is all those Mrs. Doyles who say "You must,you must, you must, you must" have a lift home when you have made your own arrangements and would much prefer a nice journey under your own steam.

I grew up in a country town and my DM couldn't afford a car. At activities there was always some Lady Bountiful who would be OUTRAGED that we used public transport or cycled and would push a lift on us, even if it wasn't convenient or wanted. Before I learned to drive I worked in a rural school and caused such controversy when I walked the 2 or 3 miles into town along the grass verges that I felt obliged to rely on lifts which were inconvenient rather than get half an hour of exercise and rely on myself. I don't particularly want to make tedious chat or sit on a shitty beaded car seat listening to radio two!

Also my MIL,who is great, insists that I could never push a buggy all of ten minutes from the station to her house. I LIKE public transport. I LIKE walking and having a little hit of exercise and fresh air when moving from one place to another. I like clearing my thoughts and stretching my legs. I like the feeling that I am in control and can always get off and walk if I need to. Maybe because I live in London I feel that cars are a tedious and expensive burden that always need something doing to them. I also like watching TV on the go, something you definitely can't do in a car!

I think those drivers are so addicted to cars that it really upsets them to be reminded that you don't need to own a car and you don't need to drive most of the time. They like to flutter around saying "You CAN'T POSSIBLY go by bus!" to justify their own decisions.

I am not being metro centric when I say that. I grew up in buttfuck nowhere in the middle of the welsh marches and we never had a car. Members of my family all commute using public transport from their tiny villages. My good friends live in rural Scotland, can't drive at all and manage fine with cycling, buses or taxis.

I can drive btw. It's a life skill true, but so is the ability to read bus timetables, use a compass, cycle, read a map and call a taxi in any language grin

EweBrokeMyManger Sun 30-Dec-12 23:20:32

Even though we have a car we often take the train long distances as it is cheaper booked in advance autumn believe it or not. 30 quid for all of us down to wales.

It makes me laugh at the school gate when mums say they just cant bring themselves to use the buses with the dc as its just too hard.

The answer is that SOME journeys are better to be walked or by public transport and some are better by car. But some people will drive everywhere regardless.

TrampyPants Sun 30-Dec-12 21:03:20

Offred, we don't cycle, ds is dyspraxic and my joints are shit, but we walk everywhere. I love it.

TrampyPants Sun 30-Dec-12 21:02:09

One of the reasons we live here is because the school and shop are 5 mins walk away, ds goes to several after school activities, he visits friends, they visit him. The next town is 20min on bus. Just because you don't think it would work for you, doesn't mean its the same for others.

Offred Sun 30-Dec-12 21:00:25

We have cycled up to 16 miles a day. Somewhere that is an hour's walk with dc (like our school) is about 20mins/15mins by bike.

autumnlights12 Sun 30-Dec-12 20:57:29

well it wouldn't work for us. Both of mine do extra curricular activities in the evening which would involve 1 hour walk (one way) in the dark. So they couldn't go. If they could only go to clubs and visit friends within easy waking/cycling distance, we'd be very restricted.

amillionyears Sun 30-Dec-12 20:54:39

You sound as if you are in an area that is good for cycling.
Asked the question because you said you didnt use planes, and if you cycled everywhere, you wouldnt be travelling very long distances on the whole.
Didnt realise that your children are still very young.

Offred Sun 30-Dec-12 20:52:39

I have one friend who couldn't go out anywhere because her dc "would not walk" and another friend who had to give her older dc a piggy back from the playground in the park to the car, even when heavily pregnant, because he "wouldn't walk" either... Neither family walked anywhere so I don't find it particularly surprising that their children had learned not to walk or that they felt this was ok.

Offred Sun 30-Dec-12 20:50:01

Sometimes, amillionyears, if we need to go long distances, we'll often use the train even when dh is here because it is easy, near to our house, fun, more relaxing for dh, often cheaper than petrol, maintenance and parking, often is coupled with discounted tickets for attractions, the kids like it better, it is an efficient reliable service, it is safer and lower emissions, we definitely use the train more often than we've used buses.

Buses here are very expensive, irregular, don't go anywhere, take ages and are really polluting and I don't feel very safe with children on them. Anywhere the bus goes we can cycle and we can cycle quicker, more cheaply and to more places than on the bus. Relying on the bus is pretty impossible with twin babies in a pram because of the lack of accessible buses/places for prams nevermind having the older ones with you so for a long time it was simply not possible to use the bus.

Most journeys we make by bike. The children are good little cyclists who are developing excellent road sense, where we live is flat with wide roads and some cycling investment. We cycled to my PIL yesterday and cycled the 3 miles home in the dark at past 7pm, something a lot of people consider impossible with a 6 and 7 year old on their own bikes.

I like that we seem to be the only ones who are in the park in the rain/ who have kids who like walking and cycling and will do it etc because people with cars seem to learn not to go out in "bad" weather and don't understand about wearing appropriate clothes and their children have often learned to not walk.

crashdoll Sun 30-Dec-12 20:44:58

The stupid thing is that those whingey drivers who label us as 'nuisances' are the ones who would be on here complaining that there were too many cars on the road if we all did drive!

TrampyPants Sun 30-Dec-12 20:42:56

Cantspel, I do understand that. And totally see how its easier, but people have different priorities. I don't want to drive. And don't see any need to. I'm happy to make a 2hr journey (although google is dreadful for transport etc, I can shave time off most journeys by planning myself) if it means not driving. What I object to is people assuming that I'm lying or insisting that cars are necessary. As I said, if every adult drove and had a car, imagine the mess. The chaos and the cost.

amillionyears Sun 30-Dec-12 20:34:48

Offred, do you use trains?

cantspel Sun 30-Dec-12 20:33:15

I have just put into google a journey i made twice last season to take my son to his fixture. It is a 50 minute car journey of 35 miles. By public transport it is 2 hours 18 minutes involving train, bus and walking. You would have to add extra for waiting for connections. Doable but the cost and time outlay would far outweight anything else.

Cerealqueen Sun 30-Dec-12 20:28:19

Everybody's circumstances are different. I don't drive, live in a big city and walk whenever possible. I use public transport. I shop locally and do the occasional on-line supermarket shop. DP drives and he enjoys it but uses his car for work so even if I wanted to, I'd not have use of a car and we can't afford to run two cars.

I like that one of us is not car bound so the DCs see that walking is a healthy enjoyable option to getting around. I lost my baby weight very quickly for both Dcs and when car bound people comment I remind them that with school pick ups and drops offs, I am walking for at least 40 minutes a day, sometimes twice that. That in itself is a good enough reason for me not to drive, frankly.

Offred Sun 30-Dec-12 20:23:35

Yep and I'm a bit hmm at this "relying" on car drivers who hate "being made to feel like they have to offer lifts" and I'm wondering if it applies to any of the people who have occasionally insisted on giving me lifts before i had four dc/got the cargo bike even though I didn't really want them to drive me and dc or when it has made the journey harder e.g. Someone who insisted on dropping me at a station near their house because they "couldn't allow" me to get the bus again even though it took me an extra half an hour to get home, or people who insist I can't take my dc out in the cold/rain/weather or insist I can't expect them to walk/cycle "that far" to the point I feel I have no option but to cram us into their car, to then think they may have been resentful about me relying on their car is a bit amusing. fundamentally I don't think car drivers want it to be possible to walk/cycle a lot of the time because it makes them feel lazy.

TrampyPants Sun 30-Dec-12 20:12:14

We get the bus or taxis to matches. Its honestly no biggie. Even if I could drive, I wouldn't. I think there are too many cars on the road and people are too reliant on them.

dickie I agree with you that it is down to what suits the individual.

However, I do think learning how to manage on public transport is also a life skill - for all those times that the car won't start, is in the garage etc.

I know a few drivers (yes DH, you included) that haven't a clue about getting around without a car.

cantspel Sun 30-Dec-12 20:07:10

I know nothing about youth rugby league so cant comment but in the 2 different football leagues my son has played in over the past 8 years you need a car or someone willing to offer a lift.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Sun 30-Dec-12 20:05:54

I think it is a life skill. It's something you learn which makes life a lot easier for you and other people, much like the skills you mentioned. But I've got no chip on my shoulder about people who choose not to learn, it's all about what suits the individual.

TrampyPants Sun 30-Dec-12 20:03:03

Ds plays rugby. We live in a village. Its all doable.

cantspel Sun 30-Dec-12 20:01:02

sport is always going to involve some sort of travel. With your example of football you play a home game and an away game. If the away team is also a local team then yes you could get the bus but if you play county league or a cup game then much more unlikely to be local. And depending on your location could well be an out of town pitch in the middle on no where.
You cant always find pitches local and the older the kids get the harder it is to get a full size pitch.

zukiecat Sun 30-Dec-12 20:00:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

We were recently going round to friends for an evening. One of the friends said he will come round and pick us up. We live 3 streets away and no more than a 10 minute walk !!

TrampyPants Sun 30-Dec-12 19:56:07

I can see how it might be useful at times. But not a life skill. A life skill is something that you need to lead a healthy, happy, independant life.

I taught my dsis to plumb a washing machine, change a fuse/plug, unblock a sink, fit an oven and cook. Only a few of those are life skills, all are handy. But not all are necessary.

Offred Sun 30-Dec-12 19:54:24

I don't see why the sport thing is the non-driver's problem though, things should not be organised completely around cars because not everybody can drive, that is just a fact. It is pretty inconsiderate to the many many people who can't drive to make things only accessible by car. My ds used to play football and most of his fixtures were accessible by public transport though. In fact he played many more matches than lots of the team despite being totally crap because we always were available for matches unlike other people who for some reason never seemed to be able to commit to the matches.

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