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AIBU?

AIB ungrateful?

175 replies

Hydrophilic · 25/12/2012 19:49

I would never have thought I would be posting this, I am easy to please!

Me and DP have been together for 3 years, we have had a really crap year together. We relocated for his new (well paid) job and I have struggled to find one. I got a christmas job in retail and worked my butt off to be able to afford presents for him. He wasn't short of expensive suggestions for himself and I got him some really lovely presents. I spent about £100 overall from my wages- which has been a lot for me. I havn't bought anything for myself for a good 6 months- even crippled myself in heels for work as I couldn't afford flat shoes.

He is working today so I am at my parents. I have opened his presents:
-2 bottles of mulled cider
-a box of tea
-a single electric blanket

I am 23 not 83. We live in a mild area of the country, I just dont NEED one. I also know his mother paid for it as he said "he couldnt afford all of it by himself" (that got my hopes up it was a nice treat for me!!

He wrapped it up click and collect packaging and all. Hadnt even bothered to open it to make sure it was the right thing. Price was left on, £39.95. A couple of months ago he thought nothing of buying a £300 leather jacket for himself.

AIBU to just have wanted something pretty and nice for myself?

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BillyBollyBrandy · 25/12/2012 19:53

In light of his "expensive" suggestions that is shit. What did you get him?

Tell him you want to return the single electric blanket, couldn't he have splashed out on a double!

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ImperialBlether · 25/12/2012 19:54

My daughter is 23 and I'd be having a quiet word with her, not only about the crap presents but about relocating when there's no chance of a good job for yourself and then again about being in a relationship where the man has money and the woman doesn't have a pair of shoes.

You do realise the world is full of lovely, lovely men, don't you? I have a son who's 20 and he would NEVER treat a girl like that. (He's single too, so let me know if you're interested!!)

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whois · 25/12/2012 19:54

Did you give him any suggestions?

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SayMama · 25/12/2012 19:59

not only about the crap presents but about relocating when there's no chance of a good job for yourself and then again about being in a relationship where the man has money and the woman doesn't have a pair of shoes.

^^ This

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notnowImreading · 25/12/2012 20:01

That really does sound rubbish. However, electric blankets are marvellous and you will come to love it.

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Hydrophilic · 25/12/2012 20:02

Billy-He became obsessed with an expensive wool throw. To the point that he got stroppy when I pretended I hadn't got it (as you do at christmas), he threatened to go down there and buy it for himself. I thought it was hideous and a waste of money, but I coughed up more for it that his presents to me all together. He also guilt tripped me into doing him a stocking, which I filled with lovely thoughtful things.

It just says something to me that he couldn't think of anything to get his young girlfriend, surely I'm supposed to be getting sexy underwear or something!! Primark would've been fine.

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MagicHouse · 25/12/2012 20:03

Rubbish presents - very thoughtless. Red flags here (with the spending on himself) I would think hard about whether you want to stay with a man like this.

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ImperialBlether · 25/12/2012 20:11

Now you can add poor taste to the other red flags that are hurtling around! Think of the hideous throw - can you imagine buying a house together and choosing furnishings?

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BillyBollyBrandy · 25/12/2012 20:13

I agree with magic

Doesn't sound good to me

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OHforDUCKSchristmasCake · 25/12/2012 20:15

He sounds like a selfish, spoilt brat.

What will you do?

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Splatt34 · 25/12/2012 20:16

If he's working today is there a chance there may be more gifts which he wants to be there when you open?

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Earlybird · 25/12/2012 20:17

Oh no, no, no.

Agree with others. Big Red flags. Pay attention to them. Do not ignore or justify.

Do not waste more time or energy. Move on. Immediately.

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Onezerozero · 25/12/2012 20:17

Hmm, could he have kept some presents back to give you in person?

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Hydrophilic · 25/12/2012 20:20

Ducks- I've sent him a message thanking him but saying "I can't believe you couldn't think of anything more exciting for a young girlfriend than an electric blanket. I'm 23 not 83".

God, I know I sound so horrible right now. In previous years he has got me beautiful (not expensive) jewellery and lovely clothes. This just adds to the feeling I've had for a while that he just doesn't give a crap about me...

I have felt so rough for the past couple of days, I've slept most of today. I'm already feeling sorry for myself and this has made it worse.

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Hydrophilic · 25/12/2012 20:21

Definitely nothing at home!

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Pozzled · 25/12/2012 20:22

You say he is working- any chance that your 'real' present is something that you can open together later, not something to open with your parents?

If not, then I would be pretty annoyed, some people aren't great at buying presents but he is showing real double standards if he wants his expensive gifts from you.

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ImperialBlether · 25/12/2012 20:26

I'm sorry, but some people here resemble Pollyanna! Of course there isn't anything else for the OP! He's given her his (crap) presents; it's obvious there's nothing else.

OP, 2013 is a new year. Why not make it the year you get away from this man?

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TheoxenandDonkeyskneltdown · 25/12/2012 20:28

As you put effort into selecting lovely thoughtful gifts for a stocking for him, any of those you can subtly reclaim as time goes on? He can keep yucky throw all to himself. It does sound one-sided. The trouble is some people are good at getting what they like in life and making you feel honoured and special for giving.

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DrinkFeckArseGirls · 25/12/2012 20:32

Dump him. Before the New Year.

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catgirl1976geesealaying · 25/12/2012 20:32

YANBU-Greatful

I am really laid back and easy to please but WTAF?

Sorry but I'm just Shock at the lack of thought and him getting you a joint present (shite) from his DM

He should be keeping you warm at night, not a sodding electric blanket

My very first LTB

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hugoagogo · 25/12/2012 20:35

How old is dp?

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Hydrophilic · 25/12/2012 20:39

Hugo- 10 years older, but I'm mature and he seems younger.

His mother even ordered it to our local Waitrose for him to pick up. She had to nag him to get that as he forgot. So his grand sum of effort for me for christmas was buying a box of tea and bottles of cider. I feel so loved.

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Alisvolatpropiis · 25/12/2012 20:45

What.the.fuck?!

No you are not being unreasonable. You are not being ungrateful either.

He is a thoughtless,selfish,self centred, dickhead mummy's boy.

I would be crushed if my DP did that. though he came close the year he bought me a clothes rail as a birthday present amongst other more normal presents

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hugoagogo · 25/12/2012 20:47

Not surprised-Older man who acts younger, it's a bit of a cliche.

Sorry to say, you need to start taking care of yourself find a job that you like, where you like to live and get on with your life with or without him, but on your own terms.

Try and enjoy the rest of christmas.

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flaggybannel · 25/12/2012 20:47

Yanbu.
This has reminded me of a few years ago when i was still in love with my exp. 6 years together, he earned at least double what i did yet ate my food and stayed at my place year round even though i am a struggling sp on part-time minimum wage, there were lots of red flags i chose to ignore but i think i started to wise up when one christmas day he presented me with-
a bag of jelly fizzy fish.
Admittedly, they are were my favorite sweets but i think him making a song and dance about disappearing to fish out a piece of my ds discarded wrapping paper out of the bin to put them in really started to open my eyes.
His family didnt bother asking me later that day what he had give me for christmas, which was odd, as they usually would and i was looking forward to showing him up around thier festive dinner table- turns out they knew he was playing away and this was apparently his way of letting me know he felt nothing for me anymore. Silly me. Didnt mind rubbing in my face all the lovely things he had treated them to though. Wanker. And wanker family too.

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