to ask if you think you have been overlooked because of your perceived lack of wealth?

(160 Posts)
suebfg Sun 09-Dec-12 21:58:18

I didn't used to think that this sort of thing existed (maybe I am too naive) but since DS started at school, I feel as if I have been bypassed by a few people because I don't wear certain clothes, drive a fancy car etc. Are people really so shallow?

MummytoKatie Thu 13-Dec-12 20:24:15

Maybe it's a school thing. Can't say this has ever happened to me. I'm nice to people and people are nice to me.

CashmereHoodlum Thu 13-Dec-12 18:28:22

What I am referring to isn't shyness either! I always make allowances for shyness as I know that shy people can be seen as stand-offish. But referring to people as povvos because they don't have a Porsche isn't a classic symptom of shyness and that is the sort of thing I have experienced.

suebfg Thu 13-Dec-12 17:23:18

They aren't shy, quite the reverse

exoticfruits Thu 13-Dec-12 07:38:06

A lot of people seem standoffish when they are merely shy.

Mimishimi Thu 13-Dec-12 05:15:36

They might just be quite shy? Whilst you think they are snubbing you by not making eye contact, have you observed them acting in a similar manner with others? I know that people have always assumed I'm terribly snotty (from a young age) but the truth is just that I am very shy until I get to know someone.

WayneDeer Tue 11-Dec-12 23:52:28

I think sometimes we project our own insecurities onto other people.

I had no school gate skills. I truly had no ability to socialise outside a very niche circle of people I met through work and old old friends.

Everything had to be v v precisely timed. V organised and often I was arranging meetings calls things on the hoof. I was always a fast moving type.

My hairdresser amazed me as has said that his colourist knows me at the school and .....blah blah blah
I was !
I have never met her let alone spoken to her and yet she has loads of ideas based on her stuff and how I appear

The school gate isn't a barometer

marriedandwreathedinholly Tue 11-Dec-12 23:31:13

FGS - we spend 34k pa on school fees. Nobody gives monkey's elbow about what cars anyone else drives and there is a wonderful variety tootling up to the common every morning. From the 12 plate audis, the odd Bentley, the beamers and mercs, the convertible minis and fiat 500s to the ancient French cars and Volvos, an ancient Nissan, a Meriva and all sorts of other rust buckets. Nobody has a white 4x4 with cherish plates though - just doesn't attract that type. Thank God.

FellatioNelson Tue 11-Dec-12 20:37:30

I suppose so. I don't know why really, but it is just by far the most common color, and it takes ages to order a car in, so you just have what's on the forecourt!

BlackBagFestiveBorderBinLiner Tue 11-Dec-12 20:34:33

OK so it's not the local Queen but she's at least a Duchess has issued a decree. Her child wishes to entertain 4 class mates at a birthday tea in her home.
Finally after three years Violet Beauregarde is allowed to have her school friends rather then her DM's choice cross the threshold. (She's been here to Bohemian Towers a few times.)

I bet there's another party for the golf club kids. grin

Should I get DD to casually mention that her DM has just won the Booker Prize/Oscar for my field or shall I just warn her not to say ' Pull my finger'.

LaQueen Tue 11-Dec-12 20:33:11

Oh Sweetie you're exempt because I know where you live...my Aunt and Uncle lived out there (well Bahrain & Qatar) and they both had white Range Rovers...it's something to do with the white reflecting the heat better, isn't it?

FellatioNelson Tue 11-Dec-12 20:22:55

We have a huge white 4x4, but in my defence so does just about everyone, where I live! It is the Ford Focus of Qatar. grin

LaQueen Tue 11-Dec-12 20:16:09

What is it with huge white 4X4s???

I know of 6 women who drive them...not one of them is educated beyond the age of 16. Is it the Law they have to drive them, or something?

Do they come free with the botox, the Versace sweatshirts and the Mock-Tudor McMansion hmm

CashmereHoodlum Tue 11-Dec-12 17:31:00

It was LessMissAbs

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Tue 11-Dec-12 17:26:40

Whoever said the quote that CashmereHoodlum has quoted, I totally agree! That is exactly the type of mums that are at DS's nursery. I know several from school days and they all seemingly tried to bag themselves rich/well off husbands, then spend their time looking down their noses at those that don't deck their kids out in Boden/have a white 4 by 4/buy all their furniture from John Lewis.

LynetteScavo Tue 11-Dec-12 17:08:02

HormonalHousewife - I can 2nd that. When I worked in an estate agents, I learned you never could tell who had money and who didn't by looking at them.

Scruffy people would shuffle in and purchase several properties to rent out in cash, and then folk in designer clothes and a flash car would find it difficult to get a mortgage on a small house.

CashmereHoodlum Tue 11-Dec-12 17:04:56

"Hmm, its happened to me a little but I've noticed it only ever comes from, how can I put this, the uneducated. Tends to be those women who have been fortunate enough to get rich husbands, never worked or much education themselves, spoil their children, and assess people's worth on their material possessions."

This is what I have experienced. I have even been asked what was the point of us doing all that studying as we are not any better off than them. I have no idea if I am better off than them or not - it is just their assumption based on our respective spending patterns.

Another thing I have noticed is that if I do splash out and buy something expensive-ish, certain people will ask how I can afford it, which is a bit unsettling.

NiniLegsInTheAir Tue 11-Dec-12 15:58:08

Ok APMF, bye now smile

FarrahFawcettsFlick Tue 11-Dec-12 15:57:11

MrsMangal - I just think the real/imagined social pressure from some sections of the parents was crushing and devisive. Turned normal people into quivering wrecks.

There were some lovely people there - you just had to find them. I did, and have stayed in touch.

APMF Tue 11-Dec-12 15:23:10

Nini Kate Middleton would have got The Look if she had turned up in pajama bottoms which was my point.

And if you think that its 'snobby' to think that you don't wear night wear out to Sainsbury then its time for me to hit the Agree To Disagree button and to quietly slip away.

my grandparents live a five minute walk from my house, less in the car. They have never been in my house as i live on whats perceived as a rough housing estate and they wont leave their car outside...

marriedandwreathedinholly Tue 11-Dec-12 15:12:35

If I'm honest I'd make a judgement about someone in a white 4x4 with Personalised plates. It would be that they were probably common, uneducated and rather vulgar. Anyone in a rust bucket I'd keep an open mind

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Tue 11-Dec-12 14:50:31

We should definitely do that, Nini! Would be an interesting experiment grin

Farrah, that school sounds awful!

FarrahFawcettsFlick Tue 11-Dec-12 14:44:07

Ahhh BlackBag - I was ignored at first, then "Queen Bee" started to talk to me one day at pick-up when she found out I live in a naice village! I was appraised fairly quickly and left alone. I thought at first she was shy, then I thought, ok, she might be fed up of being gossiped about (she/DH are rich - no other way to describe) now I just think, meh I didn't make the cut :-)

It's not her I have a problem with, but the attitude of others. I don't get the fawning. There was a lot of pressure at school to be seen to be driving the 'right' type of car, live in the 'right' kind of place, holiday in the 'right' place etc...

We've moved schools now. Just before leaving people were almost confiding in me. Awful really - how they were under enormous pressure buying 'the' house. Private number plates (so you can't tell how old the car is!) it goes on. I truly believe the attitudes of some parents were rubbing off on their kids - not nice at all.

NiniLegsInTheAir Tue 11-Dec-12 14:35:14

Now the real test of this would be for me to borrow your shiny convertible and drive it to my DD's nursery instead of the KA, and watch for reactions wink grin.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Tue 11-Dec-12 14:25:39

It was rather funny, Nini, I could almost hear their brows raising and their jaws dropping open grin

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