to give this to dd for Christmas?

(155 Posts)
We3bunniesOfOrientAre Sun 09-Dec-12 11:33:02

I had bought something for the kitchen, the company sent the wrong item, I was going to send it back (all agreed with company). Now I have discovered that someone has taken it out of it's packet, I don't think I can return it now. The place that I put it is one where I think it unlikely that anyone other than dd1 did it - she is nearly 8 but prone to fiddling with things which aren't hers. Ds couldn't get it and dd2 wouldn't be likely to do it, it is also right by where she sits. It costs about 5 pounds. It will not be her only present, but is it unreasonable to tell her that as it is because she opened it, it will now become hers and she might have less other things as a result?

BigShinyBaubles Sun 09-Dec-12 12:25:07

Why couldn't you have talked to your DD the minute she got home, before you were 'sent to bed' if it is that important to you?
I totally understand you want her to realise that she can't go messing around with things that aren't hers but I do think your idea of wrapping it up is odd.
I've got a 10 and 8 year old DSs and if they touch anything that's not theirs I simply tell them hands off..it usually works.

Floralnomad Sun 09-Dec-12 12:26:05

berry surely the way you deal with that is just to tell her to stop doing it ! You don't need to drag Christmas into it . Added to which the OP hasn't even asked her daughter if she opened it yet she is just making an assumption. Maybe it was one of the other children just because they've never been known to fiddle with things before doesn't mean they never will.

We3bunniesOfOrientAre Sun 09-Dec-12 12:28:10

Dh doesn't decide to replace things which have broken at Christmas etc - it's not him who has told me that I need to wait, we both know that sometimes we have to wait for things we want, it is not essential that I have one, but I would like one, and yes it was me who melted the original one, hence why I would like another one now. I don't need anyone's money, though thank you for the offer. Dh will talk to dd about not messing with things which aren't hers.

BendyBobsBrusselsSprouts Sun 09-Dec-12 12:29:34

I can understand being cross about the fiddling. It's the wrapping it up as a present part that loses me.

On that basis I'm off to Tiffany's to have a fiddle with stuff that's not mine<hopeful> grin

ifancyashandy Sun 09-Dec-12 12:30:58

You're upset over an 8 yr old opening the packaging of a £5 spatula?

I think your DH is right - you need a long lie down.

squeakytoy Sun 09-Dec-12 12:31:07

Wow, you sound weird... and OTT.

Its a bloody spatula.. not a faberge egg!

teenybluemoon Sun 09-Dec-12 12:38:13

Am I the only one that senses a little bit of favoritism here towards the OP's DD2?....

NatashaBee Sun 09-Dec-12 12:39:24

She's 8 - if you're going to punish her, do it now, not in 2 weeks time when she won't even remember what she did.

Mutt Sun 09-Dec-12 12:40:29

Thsi is a complete wind up.

Unless you were a complete bitch, or a nutcase, you'd wouldn't even consider wrapping up a baking scraper (whatever the hell that is) and giving it to your daughter as a lesson on Christmas Day.

But what convinced me was you getting wooden spoons and a pair of scissors grin

Are you Mrs Cratchit?

You lot are seriously overreacting. Calling her a bitch? makes me wonder how you treat unreasonable people you actually know.

It's the principle of the thing. Who cares whether it's £100 or £5, the kid doesn't know anything except she wasn't supposed to touch it and yet she did. Her DD does this kind of thing all the time. Getting one less present because of it is not a drama.

valiumredhead Sun 09-Dec-12 12:51:44

It doesn't sound like you like her very much tbh sad

Hope it's because you are going down with something and are blowing things out of proportion.

McChristmasPants2012 Sun 09-Dec-12 12:54:57

Why can't you use this spatula.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow Sun 09-Dec-12 12:57:14

you have a temperature? and are 'upset'?? Is this because of the flaming spatula?? 'she knows I'm upset' ?! you haven't even determined whether she did it yet?! And yet you're planning your revenge, and making her feel guilty?

Talk to the kids fgs.

Then,forget it, and if anything is that important in future, put it out of reach.

bedmonster Sun 09-Dec-12 13:06:52

Dp will talk to dd why won't YOU talk to her?

3b1g Sun 09-Dec-12 13:10:58

If she did open it so that it can't be returned, then I certainly think that some of the consequence should fall on her shoulders.
However, I would go about this by making her lose part of her pocket money, doing some extra jobs or going without a small treat. Whatever it is, do it soon, before she loses the association with the misdemeanour and the consequence.
I am one of the strictest parents around when it comes to expecting my children to take responsibility for their actions, but I think that giving her the item for Christmas would be a little extreme and could become more about making you feel vindicated than about modifying her behaviour.

teenybluemoon Sun 09-Dec-12 13:11:52

What ever happened to innocent into proven guilty? You haven't even spoken to her or found any proof that even links her to the 'crime', and you're already planning your revenge? On an 8 year old, none the less.

3b1g Sun 09-Dec-12 13:15:59

OP, reading your other comments, it seems as though one of the things that's bothering you is that your DD1 has a bit of trouble with impulse control. Learning delayed gratification does take some children longer than others. Perhaps you can encourage her by praising her when she does manage to wait or remembers to save something for later.

It sounds like she's trying to educate her kid. Which would indicate that she does like her, very much so.

It's not "revenge", it's trying to teach her child something hmm all the aggressive replies on this thread prove much more about the people who wrote them rather than helping the OP.

LoopsInHoops Sun 09-Dec-12 13:20:36

Issues.

MrsDeVere Sun 09-Dec-12 13:28:01

Sad.
Very sad.

ll31 Sun 09-Dec-12 13:29:36

hope all of this was to do with your temp. and not a real image of who you are... she's 8, it was purple, pretty maybe.. does it matter really? If you left it where she could get it why wouldn't she- it is her house too... hope you're feeling better.

by the way I'd also reconsider what sounds like her being blamed first as a matter of course

yummumto3girls Sun 09-Dec-12 13:46:25

Also agree you are being way too precious about this, it's £5. Talk to her (YOU not DH as you are so upset about it) and end of. Also can't believe that DH has decided you have a temperature and sent you to bed, how old are you?? Are you not able to decide if you feel unwell? Perhaps a lie down might make you see sense.

riskit4abiskit Sun 09-Dec-12 13:46:25

Your poor child!
This is the strangest thing I have ever read here and I'm wondering if its a wind up.

If its not, please reread all the responses here and please see your response is disproportionate. Its surely your fault for leaving something attractive looking out and unless I'm mistaken it doesn't sound like you told anyone NOT to touch it. It's abit like if I left a dog and a cooked chicken.in close proximity!

Anyways, in our house all kitchen based implements are communally owned and can be fiddled about by anyone. Your daughter would be more to blame if it was a teddy, iPod or something more obviously belonging to someone. As said further up thread kids fiddle, its not the end of the world!

MordecaiAndTheRigbys Sun 09-Dec-12 14:10:30

If you want to teach her not to do this that's fine. But please do not use Christmas morning to make your point. It is horrible, nasty and vindictive. Www heart is breaking for the poor child who will be so excited Christmas morning, only to feel the horrible disappointment and sadness when she opens her present. And she will remember that even if you get her 50 other presents. All to make a point.

HappyMummyOfOne Sun 09-Dec-12 14:27:21

Poor DD, automatically gets the blame and gets taught a lesson on xmas morning. Do you deduct a present every time any of them do something wrong?

Given you burnt the old one, would your husband have punished you by buying you another instead of a real christmas present?

Teaching children right from wrong is what we do but to drag it out and bring christmas into it over a £5 item is just mean. If money is that tight then give up the dance lessons which are a luxury.

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