I can't stop thinking about him!! driving myself insane

[gabsy212]

Really need to share this and get it out its driving me insane!!!
Was married to my DH had a son, We split when my ds was 4 and I got together with someone else and had my dd. my new boyfriend and I split after 2 years when dd was 6 months old. I had a bit of a mini meltdown and he went to work away. I got back with my DH and we have another son. 3 years later and I still can't stop thinking about my ex I dream about him every night. Things arn't great between me ad my dh we are more like friends haven't had sex in the last year no intimacy etc
arrgh wish I could get him out of my head

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

You are miserable with life as it is hence you are wearing rose coloured glasses

You must have split from your ex for a reason...remind yourself of all his bad points.

You need to sort your current relationship out - when you are happy in your life you won't give your ex another thought.

[TinselTwister]

Does he see your dd? I agree that you need to look at your current relationship, can you speak to your dh regarding the lack of intimacy?

[gabsy212]

thanks betty
I am unhappy in my current relationship, think I've made a massive mistake getting back with my husband I love him dearly but more as a friend

[gabsy212]

Yes he sees dd, contacts through his mother. I've spoken to dh about lack of intimacy he agrees there should be more, but I just can't face it. I can't see him in that way :(

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Well there's your answer. You need to sort your relationship with your husband out first, that is the real reason you are unhappy.

Have a chat with your DH, work out whether it is a relationship you want to be in or whether it is one which needs to end.

[OnwardBound]

Relationship Counselling?

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Gatsby - are you someone who likes to be in a relationship thinking it is better than being alone?? You went from DH to ex and back to DH........do you think any relationship is better than none?? What is your self esteem like??

Are you just scared to be alone with the kids?

[gabsy212]

we tried relationship counselling last time round didn't seen to work.
My self esteem is quite low. Thinking about I probably am scared to be alone with the kids. My DH says I won't cope, which is a load of crap as I do just about everything regarding the kids he's more like an extra one than a partner.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Well I suppose counselling will only work if you want to stay in the relationship. If you are making do because you don't want to be alone then no, it won't work.

He wants you to think you can't cope but of course you will. Sounds like you would be far happier too.

[gabsy212]

I probably would be but can't do it to my dc

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

But your DC deserve a happy mum, not one who is dreaming about another bloke.........you can't stay with someone just for the kids, it doesn't work. My mum's parents stayed together for the sake of the kids....my mum used to say she wishes they hadn't bothered.

You only get one shot at life.....what happens when your kids are grown up and the best years of your life have passed you by.

[gabsy212]

I know, it doesn't work its not working. But I'm stuck and don't know what to do about it. My eldest ds would be devastated. I'm 30 next year and feel I am wasting my life dreaming about someone else.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

He would get over it!!

You deserve to be happy!!