I wince when women refer to being a mum as "a job"

(502 Posts)
CQuin Tue 04-Dec-12 17:02:11

It's so mimsy ish, so martyr and yet at the same time.

Our parents would never have said this, is it just the heightened expectations everyone has for everything thee days ?
Would dads say this?

Eg I have two jobs, I'm a mother (or worse "mummy ") and a hat maker." (or whatever )

Fuck off.

tiggytape Tue 04-Dec-12 17:32:47

YABU - I don't think most women do it to be smug. They do it to justify themselves.

50 years ago, of course people wouldn't say SAHM was their 'job' because it didn't matter then they didn't have a 'job' in the conventional sense (making money). Nobody thought any less of them or thought being a housewife was only half a job that should be done in conjunction with a glittering career outside the home as well.

Now there is a stigma attached to being a SAHM even if your children are tiny let alone if they are school aged. Staying at home is seen in society as a bit lazy or an indulgent thing to do or something that's not very ambitious or worse a bit wimpy and subservient. So when people ask, women who are at home with their kids normally go to some pains to explain that they're not sat in a coffee shop all day and that they are working hard even if its not for money.

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Tue 04-Dec-12 17:33:04

I guess I could now put Carer into the box mind you, as I am officially a carer for my DD. But I don't seeing it being a career that takes off given that I also get nearly thirty hours a week care myself.

Mumsyblouse Tue 04-Dec-12 17:34:28

I work full-time (in my job) so I can't really be a 'full-time' mum as well, can I? Why do working mums find this phrase offensive, I don't get it?

CQuin Tue 04-Dec-12 17:36:17

I didn't work for some time.
Not jealous. I prefer working.

CQuin Tue 04-Dec-12 17:37:02

Rabbits. ALL
THE
TIME

I get equally annoyed at people who have no grasp of what I do all day. I've had this conversation so many times at work (shift work, evenings and weekends)

Customer- "so, is this all you do?"
Me - "no, I've got a 3 year old."
Customer - "but you only work here 4 nights? Do you work anywhere else?"

I feel like explaining that when I arrive at work at 6 pm I've already spent 12 solid hours looking after a toddler and the house and when I crawl into bed at 1.30am I get up and do the same the day after on 5 hours sleep - rinse and repeat.

But I don't. I just say yes, I'm too frigging tired to explain!

CQuin Tue 04-Dec-12 17:37:43

Halloween.

No troll

Bonsoir Tue 04-Dec-12 17:38:33

Some people take parenting seriously, do it consciously with application --> a job.

Others pass on their genes but do little or nothing to ensure the well-being of their offspring --> not a job.

lakeofshiningwaters Tue 04-Dec-12 17:39:22

So what should I call myself instead OP? I personally hate SAHM - I certainly don't stay at home all day! Full-time Mum, also poorly worded but what shall we use then?!

If I had decided to go back to work, then someone else would have been doing early years' education, a significant proportion of cooking meals and tbh, would prob have had a cleaner too. Should I say I'm a Mum, EYs practicitioner, chef and cleaner? Course not cos I'm not a twat.

GreenEggs agree with you.
Jennyrosity like your suggestion, can I steal it?

I don't much like it when people call being a mother a job, and I like it even less when people say its the hardest job ever. (patronising, and surely not true?)

When people ask what I do, (SAHM) I say, "Oh I'm looking after the kids, for now..." as if the situation is about to change imminently.

Oh er, should have read the whole thread.

AllYoursJingleBellbooshka Tue 04-Dec-12 17:43:27

You are spot on there tiggytape.

This came from the "Women who have it all" fake feminist bullshit spouted in magazines over the last 20 odd years. Now everyone needs a title.

What would your prefer SAHMs call themselves/what they do CQuin?

Bonsoir Tue 04-Dec-12 17:45:00

Anything you would have to pay others to do if you weren't doing it yourself is a job. Window cleaning, ironing, catering, supervising homework... whatever. And depending on where you live and what support services/outsourcing potential exists, there are often jobs that you have no choice but to do yourself.

AllYoursJingleBellbooshka Tue 04-Dec-12 17:45:03

30 odd years

Yermina Tue 04-Dec-12 17:46:40

I call myself a full-time carer, because that's what I do: care for my children (which also involves running the home as they can't do it for themselves), instead of paying someone else to do it.

If looking after an elderly, incontinent parent full time earns you the title of 'carer' then so should looking after small children.

hiviolet Tue 04-Dec-12 17:46:41

So "full time mother" is unacceptable because it offends working mothers? So what IS acceptable then?

Judging by what I read on MN, it should probably be "stay at home mother who will regret not having a job when her husband walks out" grin

Bonsoir Tue 04-Dec-12 17:48:38

I don't "care" for my children, I bring them up and teach them to be independent. Very different to caring for people who are adult but unable to take care of themselves and who constantly lose independence.

Bonsoir Tue 04-Dec-12 17:50:11

"Judging by what I read on MN, it should probably be "stay at home mother who will regret not having a job when her husband walks out"."

LOL.

And, by the same token, a WOHM is "work out of home mother who is green with envy at life of leisure of SAHMs and will rub her hands in glee when said SAHM is left penniless on divorce."

ifso Tue 04-Dec-12 17:50:55

. it just means the work you quite happily pay someone who has a "job" to do is done by me. Why is it only work if it is someone else's children?

fantastic point Halloweennamechange

I guess it can be a question of semantics:

When someone says 'what do you do?' the answer is: I look after the kids. Fine.

'What is your job?' is asking for a title - (I have always hated that.) Surely, the answer is, I don't have a job. I look after the kids.

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Tue 04-Dec-12 17:52:47

I think then that you mustn't be a very pleasant person.

Sorry about that.

ifso Tue 04-Dec-12 17:54:46

and op, youre calling yourself CQuin - sequin? correct? makes me think of kirsty allsopp all homemaking and domesticity

oh the irony

you need to change your name for me to take you more seriously I think...

Asinine Tue 04-Dec-12 17:56:42

I have been criticised for being (in no particular order)

a career woman, (I don't know how you could leave them in nursery all day)

a part time professional (I understand you have personal problems aka children but you need to come to training on your day off)

on a long career break (what waste of your training)

Reading these threads where women get to slag off other women's choices is so depressing, I may as well watch the news.

CQuin Tue 04-Dec-12 17:57:25

hey - let's not discuss the question - lets just slag!

YAY! ;)

CQuin Tue 04-Dec-12 17:58:04

dont misunderstand me I dont give a fuck if they are a sahm or whatever

its calling it a JOB that makes me giggle in awe at its shitness

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now