To think DH shouldn't be embarrassed by his own child?

(121 Posts)
BatCave Mon 03-Dec-12 10:04:59

DD is 2.4, and going through, well, a toddler stage of demanding stubbornness with a screaming fit if she's told "no".

Busy shop yesterday and we had foolishly foolishly decided to take her and the baby shopping. She was bored, tired etc and had a screaming fit in the middle of a busy shop. I mean ear splitting shrieking of epic proportions. DH was getting stressed with her, moaning and shouting at her - it wasn't working so I took over trying to calm her down and get her back in the pushchair. HE WALKED OFF!!! I had the baby in a sling was trying to wrestle a screaming toddler and he just walked away.

When I questioned him after he said he was really embarrassed and had seen one of his mates. He thinks we have the worst behaved child in the world, keeps asking me where we've gone wrong?!

I'm sure we have a normal toddler.... Don't we? Please tell me this is normal...

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Mon 03-Dec-12 10:07:10

Yes. you have a normal toddler.

And a daft husband. grin

He needs to get a grip. Kids play up. He looks far more of an idiot by walking away because it makes him look like he can't cope with his own child.

Perhaps, if he can't handle a toddler, he should consider parenting classes. grin

D0oinMeCleanin Mon 03-Dec-12 10:08:12

Yes it's normal. The toddler, not the DH. That is not normal.

I found keeping calm and distracting them with jokes/games works better to calm them down than trying to control them but every mum in the world has been that mum whose child just won't stop screaming in the middle of the shop/cinema/church etc.

InNeedOfBrandyButter Mon 03-Dec-12 10:08:30

I would of been embarrassed to tbh, I never let mine tantrum like that I would of picked up the dc and got out the shop, or not took dc shopping on a busy day.

MolotovCocktail Mon 03-Dec-12 10:10:17

Totally normal. Your DD is goig through a developmental phase, which will soon pass and will improve as soon as she learns to verbally communicate in a more meaningful way.

However, what can explain your DHs behaviour, I don't know. I would NOT be pleased if effed off, leaving me to struggle with 2 young children because he saw his mates!!

Buy him a toddler development boom for Christmas. Get him to lean a thing or two about our DDs behaviour.

And while he's there, a thing or two about his.

littlewhitebag Mon 03-Dec-12 10:11:26

Get him to take DD to toddler group and see all the other toddlers behaving exactly like your DD. She is normal!

BatCave Mon 03-Dec-12 10:12:05

InNeedOfBrandyButter, I'm genuinely intrigued as to how you'd just never let them do it. Is there a secret to this please tell me. I was attempting to pick her up and put her in the pushchair but that's really not at easy. I didn't want to hurt her or the baby with her kicking at me.

I concede, it was a bad idea to go shopping.

MolotovCocktail Mon 03-Dec-12 10:12:14

Jaysis! Awful type-o's there! Buy him a 'book' and get him to 'learn' typing on iPhone, lame excuse!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 03-Dec-12 10:15:07

Your husband sounds like a child, your toddler sounds normal

A tip for the future ? 2yo's really don't like shopping. Why were you braving pre-Xmas shops all 4 of you ? Next time, leave your H at home to look after the kids and you go alone, or vice versa.

it worked for us. Shopping is not a nice family day out...despite some people having unrealistic expectations of it. It pretty much always ends badly.

FestiveWench Mon 03-Dec-12 10:17:21

Arrange for your DH to spend more time with other toddlers smile

Mrsjay Mon 03-Dec-12 10:17:59

you have a normal toddler and a precious husband grin tell him to suck it up

InNeedOfBrandyButter Mon 03-Dec-12 10:18:58

I had them in the trolly around supermarkets if I had to go with them and used french stick or grapes to keep them quiet (MN no no but it worked). In the park if they started I would and did put them in a firemans lift and march home. In a shop I would of firemans lift with one hand buggy in the other and into the car/outside. Not saying they didn't tantrum (well dd didn't ever) but I wouldn't of stayed in the shop.

Even today my ds now 5 started to get stroppy on the way to school, I said you either hold my hand and walk nicely or I'm picking you up and carrying you to school upside down, and he walked nicely.

KenLeeeeeee Mon 03-Dec-12 10:19:30

Totally normal toddler and a very silly husband. Tell him to get his act together and not run away when parenting gets to the hard work bits.

BatCave Mon 03-Dec-12 10:24:07

Thank fuck for that.

I keep telling him till I'm blue in the face that she's normal, everyone watching the show had that sympathetic "I've been there" look on their faces. He just gets stressy and can't handle it. He refuses to go to toddler groups - there's a Special one for dads and their kids on a Saturday but he won't go, he says he'll feel awkward. He don't read the books, look on the Internet etc re parenting like I do. He's a great dad, loving and caring, he's just shit when it all goes wrong.

We were braving the shops because he really kept nagging me to do it, I knew it would be a disaster. I've done all my xmas shopping online.

He just says that he sees lots of other children happily in pushchairs and "why can't we have one like that?"

Tailtwister Mon 03-Dec-12 10:24:41

Sounds like normal toddler behaviour to me! Your DH needs to realise that children do have tantrums and yet, it is embarrassing but anyone who has had or spent time with children knows it's just how they are sometimes.

Walking off and leaving you to deal with it on your own is immature and selfish IMO. If you want children you have to take the good with the bad.

Mrsjay Mon 03-Dec-12 10:25:46

put them in a firemans lift and march home. In

we did this althoughwas more of an under arm lift for me grin

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Mon 03-Dec-12 10:26:35

Brandy she was trying to get her out of the shop hmm

OP Did he think you were loving the unwanted attention? No-one feels great when a toddler starts kicking off, but the fact he left you, with baby in sling to try and get her kicking and screaming back in buggy is lame beyond lame.
Yes, to leaving him at home with both of them in future

MolotovCocktail Mon 03-Dec-12 10:28:02

I think I love InNeedOfBrandyButter a little bit smile

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Mon 03-Dec-12 10:28:13

why can't we have one like that!!

Classic! Follow that kid and his parents round all day, you'll see that one's just like your one!!

InNeedOfBrandyButter Mon 03-Dec-12 10:30:26

Alien she said she was trying to calm her down and make her get back in the pushchair not try to get out of the shop hmm

OP I always found instead of trying to talk to them and calm them down tell them very strictly with no room for saying no to, We are going home unless you stop this right now, then if they carry on pick them up (you will not hurt her, if they throw themselves on the floor they can take being picked up) and do a firemans lift. It won't hurt them or your back.

Small children just don't like shopping. There is nothing whatsoever in it for them.

Agree, next time one of you looks after the children at home or in the park or wherever, one of you goes shopping.

I have to take the toddler shopping. I have no other option.

The best thing I did was buy him his own plastic shopping basket. He walks around nice and puts his biscuits, juice and chocolate in his basket. He loves it

MolotovCocktail Mon 03-Dec-12 10:36:08

My DD is almost 4yo now and is as sweet and agreeable as anything.

We took her to the park when she was 2.5yo once and had THE most GOD ALMIGHTY meltdown ... It was horrendous.

I wish I'd known about theFireman's Lift then (please, how would I do it exactly?).

Oh well, there's always room to try it on DD2 when she goes all Toddler on me grin

Pandemoniaa Mon 03-Dec-12 10:37:12

I would of been embarrassed to tbh, I never let mine tantrum like that I would of picked up the dc and got out the shop, or not took dc shopping on a busy day.

It never takes long for the Perfect Parent to come along, does it? Quite honestly, if your 2-year old has never had a tantrum in a busy shop then you've lead an exceedingly charmed life. The rest of us have accepted that they are part of toddlerhood (and sometimes beyond!) and certainly, coping with them isn't assisted by your partner disowning the tantrummy child.

It's also known fact that everyone else's child is uniquely well behaved at the time yours is throwing itself on the floor and shrieking like a banshee. Something well worth reminding your DH, OP.

With any luck he'll have learnt his lesson about pestering you go shopping when there's absolutely no need though.

birdofthenorth Mon 03-Dec-12 10:38:50

DD is same age, 2.4. Tantrums fewer and shorter these days but almost always in public! I think people telling you not to go shopping with the family are a bit idealistic, sometimes logistics demand it, and besides, they do have to learn to be good somehow, and sheltering them at home is only one solution. I am also unconvinced by the fireman's lift them home argument -without your shopping? Isn't that letting the tantrummer win? I am genuinely all ears as to how others deal with this though -DD's not too bad but I'm yet to find fail-safe solutions myself.

DH sounds a but like mine, who wouldn't walk away I don't think, but does find it mortifying. I would be mortified if it was a tiny boutique shop -non-plussed if it's a huge Tesco!

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