to tell parents to reimburse me

(268 Posts)
Netmumsrule Sun 02-Dec-12 22:56:08

My dd, 7, had a dance show yesterday and forgot her costume (dress). I was annoyed but as time was tight I paid £20 for a return cab to go home and get it as I did not want to let her and her dance team down.
She was wearing another costume for a dance she was doing before and when she went to change into her dress is was missing. Everyone in her class, apart from one who they thought was nervous before the dance,searched and she ended up going on stage being the only one without her costume. She cried throughout the performance but held it together as she did not want to let the others down.
When I saw her dress wasn;t on and she was crying I went to the side of the stage, asked the teacher why she wasn'r wearing it and got a reply' she lost it'.
I knew this could not have been the case and as soon as the dance ended my dd came to me-(she was also upset as she knew I made an effort to get a cab there and back when I had been ill).
I told her it wasn't her fault and then searched for it and then asked some of her classmates to check the labels. Well, the girl who did not help to find it had it on and when I asked her why she said she forgot hers and it was in her dads car boot. Her dad was watching the show so could have been found. I asked her why she took it and she didn't care and said 'it was there and I took it as mine is in the carboot.'
I told her it was a horrible thing and to return it and she took it off and didn't even apologise.
The dance teacher knows.
One parent told me, 'they are only children and I shouldn't make a big deal' but I think her behaviour is wrong.
A few other parents who heard were disgusted.
Should I tell the teacher to get the girls parents to give me my cab fare and should I ask the video of that dance is deleted as dd feels humiliated as is was crying throughout it and the only one in the whole show who was not in the correct costume? It is supposed to be going to 120 people approx.
As the dress was being looked for and dd was in tears I think it is a horrid experience for any child to have happen.
Am I over-protective?

gettingeasier Sun 09-Dec-12 15:38:40

Really OP I cant agree that you have moved on particularly well from this situation , you sound barking to me

WitchCrafter Sun 09-Dec-12 15:33:20

Hilda, I haven't spun anything. Situations happen and I accept them and move on. My point mentioning it now is to let some posters see I am reasonable and do let things go when they've been nipped in the bud.

My contact was a text resent asking who I abused? If, indeed I did abuse anyone I would apologise to them. I like to have a clear conscience.

HildaOgden Sun 09-Dec-12 13:15:37

So 3 months ago at another class dd's uniform was also stolen...but the situation was handled to your satisfaction,exactly as you think it should have been?

I find it somewhat strange that you haven't mentioned that example in any of your posts about this.

And you've also contacted the cheerleading teacher again?

I don't know,I just personally get the feeling that your recent posts have been 'spun' a little to make you appear to be the final 'victor'.Just a feeling I get.

Anyway,Hope your dd is well and that the rhumatitism/arthritis (Im sorry,I can't exactly remember which one you said she has) doesn't stop her enjoyment of things.I know they both can be very painful conditions.

WitchCrafter Sat 08-Dec-12 22:04:19

Hilda- she is at those two- they don't do cheerleading. At one of the them- 3 months ago- a girl took dd's class uniform at end of class as the girl had lost hers. The teacher contacted me, told me he caught the girl taking it out dd's holdall and took it from her. He said he spoke to her parents and her and I was fine with that. It was nipped in the bud. The cheerleading teacher knew about this incident as we did ask her if that uniform was left at her premises by mistake then later told her what had happened.

I have not ignored 'all the comments on here and just listen to people that agree with' me. I have said I was wrong. However, the cheerleading school instigated by deciding to ignore what happened and I waited until a few hours dd was supposed to go in.
I asked the teacher, 'When did I exactly abuse other parents, staff and yourself last Saturday?' She refused to reply. A parent who was present said I was not abusive. Had I been told, 'from the horses mouth' and I reflected and saw I had been abusive I would have immediately apologised.
That is the difference between me and the dance teacher- I will apologise when in the wrong. She never did after stating dd lost the dress when she blatantly saw me give it to dd 5 minutes before the show started.

We all have different views.

CelineMcBean Sat 08-Dec-12 20:32:35

Yup you still sound utterly bonkers op. You are going to ignore all the comments on here and just listen to people that agree with you. No doubt there was an element of "just nod and smile" with the other dance schools. Assuming it really happened that two other businesses would choose to embroil themselves in a spat where they were not party to all the facts or both sides.

I have made a mental note of the dance school should my dc be inclined to want to do dance when they are older.

MadBanners Sat 08-Dec-12 19:30:26

Well, I am glad that I do not have my daughter involved in anything where using a dance costume for all of one dance would be classed as gross misconduct. Seems ott responses are the norm. And the other dance school with apparently "no morals" wants to attract students out for themselves, as in young children, 7 year olds like your daughter?

HildaOgden Sat 08-Dec-12 17:51:43

Why don't you enrol your daughter at either of the 2 well known dance schools who agree with you?

WitchCrafter Sat 08-Dec-12 17:39:51

I feel much better now. I have said what happened, shown the text exchange to people at 2 well known dance school in London and have been told by both that I was not out of order, teacher should have ensured me other girl would be disciplined and parents spoken to- if not at the show I should have been contacted beginning of week. As it was not actioned at all the teacher was unprofessional and should never have asked dd to leave. It sets a bad reputation that that Cheerleading/ dance school has no morals in what is already seen to be a 'cut throat' business and they must want to attract students who are out for themselves.
Both schools would have disciplined other girl as it would be gross misconduct if it was at a full time dance/ performing arts school depending on show coverage.
I have been told chaperones/ helpers should have been there and there should have been one in the cloakroom/ changing area, also as teacher knew dd's dress was not lost she should not have passed that comment and been honest rather than giving dd the blame.
Thank you everyone who has pmd me, understood my feelings and even made me see that I can come across as hostile when I don't trust trust someone. Dd had a show the night before which other people were unhappy about and I accepted. I'm glad the New Year is coming so I can eliminate greedy, unethical people from my life.
Please pm if anyone knows of any decent dance/ drama etc classes around centre/ sw London where honesty is valued.

WitchCrafter Fri 07-Dec-12 21:26:59

Susan, I am doing just that. A few weeks ago I was told by a paeditrician dd probably has rheumatoid arthritis and me and dd had to cut back on her dance so she stopped ballet and tap. Cheerleading seems easier for her health so we kept it on which is why I have been more sensitive about her.

simplesusan Fri 07-Dec-12 21:18:25

I would find a new dance school op. Try and chill out a little, but I too would have been livid about the other child stealing my dds dress.

WitchCrafter Fri 07-Dec-12 20:31:09

crunchbag, yes I was wrong but did apologise. She never once did for stating dd lost it.

I think I will open the bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape now that I got the teacher for xmas! I have never given her a pressie before and bought it last week as I thought she was a nice person, allowing me to pay in installments.

WitchCrafter Fri 07-Dec-12 20:18:12

Yes, I was wrong but teacher blatantly told me 'dd lost it' and never once apologised.
I admitted I was harsh when I replied.

WitchCrafter Fri 07-Dec-12 20:13:57

gold I did not demand. She could have replied I was overboard and said- I will make sure everyone knows dd did not lose her costume and ask other girl to apologise.

crunchbag Fri 07-Dec-12 20:09:36

Gold, she could have simply said, 'don't worry, I've dealt with it.' She might have said that if you hadn't sent that text demanding the expulsion of the other girl. Can you really not see how wrong that was, no matter how long your dd has been a pupil.

All this about a costume, really shock

WitchCrafter Fri 07-Dec-12 20:06:31

nataiotn- I did report all posts where name was mentioned a few hours ago.

WitchCrafter Fri 07-Dec-12 20:04:53

Gold, she could have simply said, 'don't worry, I've dealt with it.'
Teacher has never once been surprised or cared it was done. Maybe it is normal in her world.

gettingeasier Fri 07-Dec-12 20:04:47

Thats the whole point this a WEEK LATER !! That is the basis on which she is getting a hard time from me

OP - You're getting a bit of a hard time of it. I understand why you're so cross though.
It's unfair that you went to the expense of having to go back home to get a costume that your DD wasn't able to wear because someone else took it and didn't own up. Horrible for your DD as the teacher said it was lost when your DD knew full well it wasn't. I feel so sorry for your DD.

I think you went a bit far suggesting to the teacher what course of action she should take but when you're caught up in the moment I suppose all perspective goes out of the window.

How did your DD take the news that she wouldn't be going back to the dance class?

natation Fri 07-Dec-12 20:01:48

As the name and location of the dance school is still mentioned in a post, it took me about 20 seconds to find the website of this dance school. I think OP you might want to ask for the whole thread to be withdrawn before you get yourself into deeper trouble.

I can understand you're upset, but for you and your daughter's sake, to avoid this getting serious, I'd just keep a dignified silence now.

WitchCrafter Fri 07-Dec-12 20:01:47

Gold, I did not ask girl to strip. They had a leotard and leggings on under a summer dress. I asked her if she could please give me dd's dress back which I needed anyway as was end of the show and was dds.

tbh teacher should never have had asked if we wanted to buy the dresses in the summer. She could keep costumes.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Fri 07-Dec-12 19:57:00

The teacher would not be at liberty to give you any details as to how she dealt with the incident, as it was not your child.

WitchCrafter Fri 07-Dec-12 19:56:38

Gold- I asked mumsnet to remove posts with name .

WitchCrafter Fri 07-Dec-12 19:55:28

Doctrine, I guess I was upset as dd was nervous today and yes did go overboard but no excuse for teacher to ignore incident.

look - you shouldn't have asked for the other girl to be moved. yes, she shouldn't have taken the costume, but that's a total over-reaction.

so now you escalated it that far, the teacher just doesn't want the aggro. can't say i blame her despite all the rights and wrongs of parties involved.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Fri 07-Dec-12 19:45:33

Seeing as you have named the club, how do you know that nobody has emailed this thread to the club?

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