to tell parents to reimburse me

(268 Posts)
Netmumsrule Sun 02-Dec-12 22:56:08

My dd, 7, had a dance show yesterday and forgot her costume (dress). I was annoyed but as time was tight I paid £20 for a return cab to go home and get it as I did not want to let her and her dance team down.
She was wearing another costume for a dance she was doing before and when she went to change into her dress is was missing. Everyone in her class, apart from one who they thought was nervous before the dance,searched and she ended up going on stage being the only one without her costume. She cried throughout the performance but held it together as she did not want to let the others down.
When I saw her dress wasn;t on and she was crying I went to the side of the stage, asked the teacher why she wasn'r wearing it and got a reply' she lost it'.
I knew this could not have been the case and as soon as the dance ended my dd came to me-(she was also upset as she knew I made an effort to get a cab there and back when I had been ill).
I told her it wasn't her fault and then searched for it and then asked some of her classmates to check the labels. Well, the girl who did not help to find it had it on and when I asked her why she said she forgot hers and it was in her dads car boot. Her dad was watching the show so could have been found. I asked her why she took it and she didn't care and said 'it was there and I took it as mine is in the carboot.'
I told her it was a horrible thing and to return it and she took it off and didn't even apologise.
The dance teacher knows.
One parent told me, 'they are only children and I shouldn't make a big deal' but I think her behaviour is wrong.
A few other parents who heard were disgusted.
Should I tell the teacher to get the girls parents to give me my cab fare and should I ask the video of that dance is deleted as dd feels humiliated as is was crying throughout it and the only one in the whole show who was not in the correct costume? It is supposed to be going to 120 people approx.
As the dress was being looked for and dd was in tears I think it is a horrid experience for any child to have happen.
Am I over-protective?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sun 02-Dec-12 23:18:35

YANBU to be extremely pissed off that a child stole your dds dress, but the taxi fare is irrelevant, and you can't expect to be reimbursed for it. You can expect that the child apologises for what she did and is punished by the dance school though.

splintersinmebum Sun 02-Dec-12 23:20:19

the parents of the mean girl are probably pretty mean themselves (tis usually the way). I'd let it go but yanbu to be pissed off.

RyleDup Sun 02-Dec-12 23:21:56

Your poor dd op. that would piss me off if I had had to pay that money out too. I would ask the teacher to mention it to the parent. I wonder why that girl didn't ask her dad to fetch it from the car though? That sounds a little concerning too. Give your dd a big hug.

HildaOgden Sun 02-Dec-12 23:22:08

I'd be more interested in asking the dance teacher why she let your crying daughter on stage in front of a large audience,being the only one without a costume.

This wasn't the responsibility of either 7 year old little girl,the teacher should have sorted this out before they got to the stage.

WinterWinds Sun 02-Dec-12 23:22:15

I can see why you would be annoyed after going to the effort to get dd's dress in time for the show, only for her to not have it anyway.
The parents would be not be responsible for your costs. That bit is nothing to do with them

They can only deal with the issue of thier child helping herself to your DD's dress, which should be dealt with.
The child needs to learn that she cant just take what doesnt belong to her. and should at least apologise.

Goldmandra Sun 02-Dec-12 23:23:52

Id make sure your daughter knows what her dresses looked like. If another child was wearing it surely she would have seen it if she cared that much?

When children do dance shows they usually wear identical costumes all sourced from the same place. Presumably the girls were of a similar size so nobody would be able to tell by looking.

HildaOgden Sun 02-Dec-12 23:24:27

...and to be honest,I think you were out of line to tell the other girl 'it was a horrible thing' and make her strip off....that had to be very intimidating to her.

peeriebear Sun 02-Dec-12 23:26:00

I'd be bloody annoyed... The taxi money is separate however. The fact that the other girl knowingly took the dress, watched everyone search for it, and watched OP's DD crying without her outfit while she stood there wearing it... I'd be ashamed if my child had done that!

Netmumsrule Sun 02-Dec-12 23:26:58

Thank you MrsPratchett and Mrs Mushroom. I know it was not a silly mistake. She did not even apologise and was not sacred in the least.

Oldladyknowsnothing- everyone thought she was nervous with stagefright as she wasn't helping to look for it, (while wearing it)

I AM letting the taxi fare go- that was something I should not have written.

As the rest of the class and their parents now know how sneaky the other girl (og) is they will not trust her so og will have that to live with.

RyleDup Sun 02-Dec-12 23:28:53

She didn't ask her to strip off hilda. She asked her to check the label and then the girl took it off. Slightly different scenario there I think.

NatashaBee Sun 02-Dec-12 23:29:49

I would want to hear that the dress thieving child had been punished in some way - she needs to learn that she can't just help herself to things. The dance teacher should have stepped in too when she saw your daughter upset. I wouldn't be demanding the cab fare back, but YANBU to think that the parents and dance teacher should have done something.

Netmumsrule Sun 02-Dec-12 23:30:33

HildaOgden- I asked her to please give it back. That is NBU

I'd be bloody annoyed and would say something to the og parents.
If my DD had done something like that I would want to know about it.

Fifis25StottieCakes Sun 02-Dec-12 23:33:53

Op's DD is only 7, what a shame for her. No wonder she was upset. When said girl was putting your daughters dress on in the changing room surely the other girl knew she had taken her dress and had it on whilst your daughter was upset. If the dance teacher knew you had forgotten the dress and went home in a cab to get it she should have sorted it out before they went on. Yes i would be tempted to ask for the cab fair so YANBU but YABU to ask them to delete the DVD as the other kids who had done no wrong are in it

RyleDup Sun 02-Dec-12 23:34:00

Even though its shite op, try not to demonise the girl. At 7, that behaviour is brought on from somewhere else. I would have a little sympathy for her to feel the need to do something like this. (I still have lots of sympathy for your dd too though, its a horrible harsh lesson of what people can be like)

HildaOgden Sun 02-Dec-12 23:36:10

I still think you should have got the dance teacher to sort it out,and I'd be quite annoyed that she wasn't more on top of things....no matter which child I was the parent of.I'd also be extremely annoyed at that dance teacher not asking your daughter why she was both in tears and out of costume before putting her on stage (and sorting it out,even if it meant causing a delay in the performance)

I just don't think it's appropriate for the (understandably) angry parent of a child to deal with the other child.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sun 02-Dec-12 23:37:05

There is noting wrong with an adult telling a child they did a horrible thing if they did a horrible thing! What this child did was way beyond horrible, it was nasty and selfish and she needed to be told!

HildaOgden Sun 02-Dec-12 23:41:01

Of course I believe the child should be told....just not by the parent of the other child in a heated situation.

We may just have to agree to disagree on this one.

MissCellania Sun 02-Dec-12 23:41:12

The cab fare isnt a separate issue at all. OP spent 20 quid so her kid wouldn't be upset at being without a costume. Then she was without a costume! She was worse off than if OP hadn't bothered, because if she hadn't, the other girl couldn't have taken it and there would have been two of them without costumes.
OP's child was worse off and OP was out of pocket too. Essentially she spent 20 quid for the other child to have a dress, which is why the other parents should pay up. I would if it was my child.

Netmumsrule Sun 02-Dec-12 23:41:31

Hilda, I agree. When the dance started and I saw dd was crying, trying to hold it together and NOT in costume I went straight over to dance teacher and asked 'where is dd's dress'. She looked peed off with me and said 'she lost it' so I went looking in the loos, changing room etc.
Dance teacher knew I had got a taxi home and back as when they realised it was missing she told me she had no spares and could I get home and back- hence cab.

Goldmandra Sun 02-Dec-12 23:42:15

OP, did you buy this costume specially for this show?

If so YWNBU to ask the parents to reimburse you for the cost of it.

You paid for it. Their child stole it an wore it therefore they should pay for it unless youd DD has also worn it on other nights or for other shows.

That or tell them to be on the lookout for scabies and watch for the look on their faces grin

Netmumsrule Sun 02-Dec-12 23:42:43

MissCellania, good point x

MollyMurphy Sun 02-Dec-12 23:43:05

It doesn't sound like the child "made a mistake" - she identified that she took the costume even though she knew it wasn't hers , which is wrong. I would speak to her parent and inform of this behaviour but otherwise would drop it. Crap happens. not a great day for your kiddo but I'd focus on helping her move on not make it an even bigger deal.

GoodKingWenSOLOslas Sun 02-Dec-12 23:44:29

Oh, come on!!! some kids are just plain selfish and spiteful! (as are some adults, but not necessarily linked to one another!).

The fact that the OP had spent that money on cab fares to ensure her Dd would be in costume and then she couldn't wear it anyway because some other little princess had decided she was going to wear it instead...I'd be livid! and whilst I may not be demanding the cab fare back as tempting as it would be to do so, an apology is the very least that I'd be asking for!

Netmumsrule Sun 02-Dec-12 23:44:36

Goldmandra, it was worn at a previous show.

I would love to mention scabies but wouldn't want anyone avoiding dd!

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