to wonder what the fuck i am supposed to do

(148 Posts)
orangeflute Sat 24-Nov-12 11:46:53

Oh just rang me from work to say he has to work next weekend, which would be fine IF we weren't moving house. I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do.AIBU?

Sallyingforth Sat 24-Nov-12 13:07:27

I would just tell him that since he has to work, he will have to make other arrangements. Simples!

toddlerama Sat 24-Nov-12 13:07:43

DH did this when I had a newborn. It wasn't his fault at all, but I was livid. The solution he came up with was this:
We hired a van, which I drove. That was all I had to do for the day.
He got 3 of his friends to take annual leave and paid them in beer for their help. They loaded and unloaded the van and built beds and wardrobes. He had already dismantled them.
We packed up everything before move day. Everything. The house was full of boxes and we had a sports bag each for clothes and wash stuff. He actually had to go away for a full week a couple of days before the move so I spent those days staying with my parents with just the overnight stuff.
I did the bare minimum of unpacking - he blitzed it in half a day when he got home.

This happened again 2 years later! But now I had 2 children. We just did it exactly the same again!

The important part to me is that he realised it was still his problem to solve and that I get to drive the massive van . He didn't just say 'can't make it' and shrug it off. That is ludicrous.

clam Sat 24-Nov-12 13:08:03

Has he not even expalined why he has "no choice?"
Is this house move from rented to rented, a council house swap or one involving mortgages and completion and solicitors etc? I would have thought the latter would be pretty impossibly to alter.

TweedSlacks Sat 24-Nov-12 13:08:13

How many miles / How many minutes drive is it ?
< Dons thinking cap >
You have a CC , good ,but not alot of time.
book a holiday somewhere hot and sunny on CC ?

Both sets of house keys over weekend?
Might be a possible answer using a courier co

LadyMaryChristmas Sat 24-Nov-12 13:08:14

It sounds like a deal breaker, orange, especially as you have a dodgy tum. He must have some good points? It's doubtful that you would both be able to move all of your furniture without help even if he was at home. I don't know about you, but I couldn't carry a fridge freezer or a book case. If I were you, I'd refuse to move unless he helps you out. You're not well, and there's no way you can look after 5 children and do all of this yourself.

He's taking the piss.

Chubfuddler Sat 24-Nov-12 13:09:49

How were you planning on moving op? Assuming DH was there how where you going to transport furniture and belongings? If your hands were going to be full with children, how was he going to move furniture by himself?

Flojo1979 Sat 24-Nov-12 13:12:21

Are your other 3 DC older? Can they help? Mine the little ones whilst u take stuff across? Carry things to and from car with u?
I moved as a single parent with a toddler and at 8 months pregnant, it wasn't easy, but its doable.
How long is he at work for? Can he take stuff before and after work? Do u have to be out on the same day or have u got the whole wkend? If so there's no panic, move when he gets in from work, make him work through the night if u have to.

DontmindifIdo Sat 24-Nov-12 13:16:15

Why does he suddenly have to work on this date? Has someone else cancelled? Why is it not booked off? I'd want solid answers to those. Get those tonight. Tell him you can't move on your own, so if he really can't get out of working, he has to reschedule the move or find the money to pay someone to do it. Make it clear you can't just do this, so as a couple you have to find a solution, and "OrangeFlute will just have to cope" isn't a solution.

Does he really have to work 7 days next week? Could you move the moving date to whichever days he has off work? If that means you aren't available to help him with the move and he has to do it himself, tough.

LadyMaryChristmas Sat 24-Nov-12 13:16:57

Ok.

The OP has 5 children, 1 is a toddler and 1 is a baby, meaning someone has to take care of these little bunnies.

The OP also has diarrhoea and vomiting, so she's going to be otherwise occupied until she's all better, then she's going to be feeling like shit (excuse the pun) for a while.

The husband has already dropped her in it once by working when they should have been moving house, resulting in the move being postponed.

The OP can't afford a removal company, so she'd have to move heavy items herself, even if her husband was helping.

Orange, you need to tell him to sort this out himself. Refuse to do this. He can get some friends from work to help out, and it will get done in no time. He's being a townk!

have pm'd you

There is no way in hell i would move on my own while in sole charge of all 5 of my children. Quite apart from anything else I would seriously doubt that i could keep them secure and safe with the stacked up boxes, open front doors, and large furniture moving going on. Thats without the issue of my sanity and health!

If he can provide another able bodied person or two to help then maybe but if you really are on your own how the hell is he expecting this to go??

How are you supposed to carry the furniture alone while caring for 5 children including a baby and toddler ?

If he already had the leave booked and they have changed their mind he can say no cant he?

My guess is he forgot to book the leave and doesnt want to tell you.

orangeflute Sat 24-Nov-12 13:23:25

Clam its the latter unfortunately. Not moving far which is good.
Flo the older 3 are 12, 10, 7. Not quite old enough to babysitter.
Chubby it was going to be a man with a van whilst I looked after dc's.

Chubfuddler Sat 24-Nov-12 13:24:53

So is the man with a van still booked? If your DH packs this week, and the man in van does nothing but dump stuff down for DH to sort Sunday you can do this.

CoffeeGoneColdAgain Sat 24-Nov-12 13:29:22

Orangeflute are you anywhere near Doncaster? If you are near me I will give you a hand! smile

Viviennemary Sat 24-Nov-12 13:38:20

I'd be tempted to phone up his work myself and explain the situation. I know this would cause trouble. I once threatened to do this over something similar, holidays I think. It was years ago but a compromise was reached without me phoning. I wouldn't tackle the moving myself because it's just too much especially when you've five children and aren't feeling too good. I know you won't want to cancel again. But you've only a few choices,

1. Go ahead on your own
2. Cancel
3. Get help from relative or friend
4. Force make him take time off work.

Or pay the removal firm more if they come and help you pack stuff.

tisnottheseasonyet Sat 24-Nov-12 13:53:06

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LadyMaryChristmas Sat 24-Nov-12 13:56:22

The 'leave the bastard' is a standard quote whenever anyone has a twat for a partner on here, tisnot, the same as 'should have gone to Waitrose' if they encounter a poor supermarket. It's a bit tongue in cheek if you see what I mean, not to be taken literally.

Catsmamma Sat 24-Nov-12 13:57:59

so when is this man of yours having a day off?? I presume he is not working NON STOP until the end of time.

He must have a day off scheduled, so phone him back and put the ball firmly in his court for sorting this out.

He sounds like a bit of a tosser tbh, expecting you to do it all and you are making yourself sound a bit drippy, which I am sure is not true.....sooooooo SPIT SPOT and get it sorted!

tisnottheseasonyet Sat 24-Nov-12 14:00:35

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mynewpassion Sat 24-Nov-12 14:02:22

Why couldn't he take a Tuesday and Wednesday off and move on those days instead of weekend? The older kids would be in school and would not be underfoot except for the two little ones.

Does moving have to be done on the weekends?

aufaniae Sat 24-Nov-12 14:02:44

Do you have any money for removals? What about the extra your OH will be earning that day?

We found a man-with-van much cheaper than any standard quote from this site - you post a job and people bid. They have profiles with feedback so you can see if they're any good.

www.anyvan.com/

aufaniae Sat 24-Nov-12 14:03:37

Our man-with-van from that site was about 50% of any of the other quotes I could find.

BIWI Sat 24-Nov-12 14:06:25

He should not be working and leaving you to do this.

If he refuses to do anything about this, then you use your credit card to pay for a firm of removal men and a lorry to come and move you.

What a twat he sounds.

Plomino Sat 24-Nov-12 14:12:00

He caused this , this is for him to solve . He will have to either postpone the move again , or get most of it in storage , and fill a van with essentials to be taken over until the rest can be shifted, or pay someone .

What exactly are his expectations ? What does he realistically think you're going to be able to do ? I mean , I too have 5 kids , most of which are perfectly capable of helping out , and I'm very practical and good at heavy lifting etc , but there's no WAY on earth that DH would leave me with this .

jojane Sat 24-Nov-12 14:14:50

Can you not put the kids in a rooms with a small tv to watch a DVD, 12 year old can call you if the little ones need anything, get ASCII packed up before hand by DH, and leave it at other end for DH to sort out too

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