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to let my five year old still sleep in my bed, or are the 'eyebrow raisers' BU?

(214 Posts)

There are just the two of us in our house, my daughter is five and loves sleeping in my bed.

She went through a stage where she went to sleep in my bed and stayed there all night. I've managed to get her to go to sleep in her bed, but by about 1am she's sneaked into my bed. Sometimes I notice, sometimes I just wake in the morning and she's there!

To be honest, I quite like it, were very close and rarely spend time away from each other apart from work and school. I have a king size bed so no space issues and she doesn't wriggle and sleeps all night.

BUT people who find this out raise their eyebrows and say its not normal?

My mum is very vocal about it, thinks it wrong, she'll get used to it, she's not a baby blah blah blah. I'm single, no boyfriends so that's not a problem, so who is being unreasonable, me, her or the 'eyebrow raisers'.

And if I need to get her out of the habit, how on earth do I do it. Its just easy to let her get in when its 1am, cold and I'm cosy and warm! wink

gingerchick Thu 22-Nov-12 21:51:13

I'm a single mum and both my 3 and 6 year olds sleep with me, they love to be close to me and I love it too. They won't be little for ever and although I have had a lot of negative comments about it but it is our decision, if you're happy about it and you clearly are then just ignore them, I'm a great believer in doing whatever you need to do to get you through

LtEveDallas Thu 22-Nov-12 21:53:28

My 7 year old is currently asleep in my bed. At about 1030 I'll join her and DH will toddle off to the spare room.

DH snores - if we sleep together neither of us gets any rest.

DD wants to be with me, I like it and so does DH.

If it ain't broke...
grin

Coralanne Thu 22-Nov-12 21:53:34

I recently had DD and family staying for the wekend. I have a huge house with only me in it and have lots of spare rooms and beds.

I have a queen size bed and had to vacate it half way through the night because 4 of the 5 DGCs were in it with me.

They all wanted to sleep with Grandma. When this happens we tell a continuous story. One person starts a story and everyone else has to add their own piece to it.

The end of the story rarely resembles the beginning. DGS (7) particularly likes this game.

Then we sing songs as they one by one go to sleep.

That's usually when I sneak into another bed.

I wouldn 't have it any other way.

JugglingWithPossibilities Thu 22-Nov-12 21:54:52

MarriedInWhite - Jugs is cool smile

TheCountessOlenska Thu 22-Nov-12 21:55:37

I love this thread! DD has just changed from crying for me to come into her bed to getting up and coming into mine - I much prefer it this way as I don't have to move! She is only 2 but judging by this thread she won't be giving it up any time soon . . .

HoneyDragon Thu 22-Nov-12 21:55:54

I find people stop commenting on dd sleeping in my bed (nearly 3) or Ds occassionally sneaking in (9) when they discover dh and I have separate bedrooms grin

Kalisi Thu 22-Nov-12 21:56:18

coralanne That's beautiful! Makes me feel all fuzzy grin

Pancakeflipper Thu 22-Nov-12 21:56:23

YANBU.
My DS1 is 7 and often sneaks in our bed when DP works away. As does his younger brother.

Last week DP came home a little tipsy and in bed did his loud snoring so I hopped off to DS1's bed to top and tail with him.

I never went near my parents bed and they rarely hugged us. My kids love hugs.

JugglingWithPossibilities Thu 22-Nov-12 21:58:43

Coralanne - that sounds great ! I wonder if I'll be lucky enough to have 5 DGC's one day ? smile - 2 DC's ATM

Wallison Thu 22-Nov-12 22:00:18

One of the few people I've told (outside of family, who think I'm a bit odd but then they think I'm a bit odd anyway) is an older and childless old male friend of mine who got quite misty-eyed and said how lovely to think of a child who wants his mummy getting to have his mummy, and how he always thinks it's said when he hears about sleep-training regimes etc.

Anyway, you are definitely not BU. Isn't this how most people, in most parts of the world, for most of the time that humanity has been around have done things? I love waking up and seeing my son's little cute tousled head next to me, and it's lovely having cuddles with him. I know the cuddles will stop soon enough, so I'm making the most of him still wanting them.

Haberdashery Thu 22-Nov-12 22:00:38

>> Every family should do what gets it the most sleep.

This should be standard new parent advice. It really is the only thing that matters when you have small children!

Morloth Thu 22-Nov-12 22:01:46

I don't really understand the western obsession with people (especially children) sleeping alone.

It is nice to snuggle up with someone you love to sleep, it feels safer and is very reassuring (for me to, I love it when we all sleep near each other).

My boys have their own room and their own beds, but we purposely bought a monster mega king bed so there would be room for everyone and they often come into ours in the night.

tanfastic Thu 22-Nov-12 22:01:53

Yep, another one here with a four year old who sneaks in our bed during the night. Occasionally dh will sleep in the spare room which has a double bed in it so I don't have my sleep interrupted by putting ds back in his own bed. One thing we can't do is all three sleep in the same bed, there's just not enough room.

Sometimes if he wanders into our room I'll get in the spare bed with him. It's like musical beds in our house grin

tanfastic Thu 22-Nov-12 22:03:07

I agree. Anything which means you all get a good night's kip has got to be a good thing.

FreudiansSlipper Thu 22-Nov-12 22:06:23

ds (5) is in my bed tonight. slept in my bed from 6 weeks went in his own bed easily at 31/2 now sometimes wants to sleep in my bed

i have even been told this is becauae i am single and need company hmm if i was with his dad or a partner lived with us i would still allow him in bed with me why not

he still often sleeps in his dads bed too

saadia Thu 22-Nov-12 22:06:31

OP you are definitely NBU and actually I am glad to see that so many people co-sleep. My 9yr old ds often sleeps with me even though he has his own room and ds2 often sleeps with dh. We both agree that we will miss this stage when they get older.

fuzzpig Thu 22-Nov-12 22:06:56

It would bug me if it was every night TBH, I do like my space (I do like sleeping with DH, but I also relish having a double bed to myself!)

But I love it when DCs come and snuggle in with us/me. My 3yo is, unlike his big sister, an excellent sleeper (coslept for much of his first 18 months or so though), but every now and again he just wanders into our room in the small hours - no idea why, he is speech delayed so he can't articulate if he's had a bad dream or something, but he just snuggles in, and gives us sleepy kisses. It is magic. Really magic. <melts>

fuzzpig Thu 22-Nov-12 22:08:01

(I meant it would bug me if it was every night with my DCs BTW, I don't really give a monkeys what anyone else does! grin)

FabulousFreaks Thu 22-Nov-12 22:08:36

I think you should tell other people to mind their own business, its really so rude and arrogant to assume they know best. If it works for you then it is right, end of.

ISeeThreadPeople Thu 22-Nov-12 22:08:53

5yo dd sleeps over at my parents' house during the holidays. Just for a night but I know for a fact that she convinces them to let her in their bed. My Mum goes and gets into the spare bed (she doesn't sleep well with small children in the bed, never has) but dd has told me all about the stories Grandad tells her in the middle of the night. They are EXACTLY the same stories he told to me, in exactly the same room. And I felt so loved and safe and comforted. I think it's really special that dd gets to feel the same way. Bed sharing with a child is lovely.

Coralanne Thu 22-Nov-12 22:09:36

Thanks Kalisi and Juggling.

They are all staying for 4 days at Christmas and I'm so looking forward to Christmas Eve.

When they are at home most of them end up in their parents bed. Then their dad usually ends up in one of their beds or on the lounge.

My DS slept in my bed until he was about 7 and DD slept with my mum (who was living with us at the time).

They both had their own beautiful bedrooms. The upside was that I usually didn't have to make their beds in the morning.

stitch Thu 22-Nov-12 22:09:47

11 year old bil slept with his mom for a long time after his father died.

11 year old ds slept in my double bed with me when he came to visit. Seems a bit senseless making him sleep on the sofa in a sleeping bag when there is an entire side of the bed completely empty.

DumSpiroSpero Thu 22-Nov-12 22:09:54

My DD is 8 and came in with us at some point most nights until we moved her into the big room and bought her a 4ft bed back in July.

We don't have so many visits now, but it didn't bother me anyway tbh.

If it works for you and your DD don't worry about what others think.

TooMuchRain Thu 22-Nov-12 22:11:34

Reading this thread I am surprised how many people prefer sleeping with their DC to their DP - I don't care what other people do, but I would hate not to sleep close to mine.

Anyway, OP, I was thinking that maybe your mum is just worried about the future and what will happen if/when you meet someone?

purplecrayon Thu 22-Nov-12 22:13:20

We had 2 large beds pushed up together and my kids slept in it with us until the eldest was 6 and the youngest 4. They loved it. When my eldest was about 6.4 we put them both into their own small beds but those small beds are still in our room because they want them in there. They each have a bed in their own room as well and they are free to sleep where they choose, however they always choose to come in with us. OP, it's best not to discuss with people. I only have one friend who also has her kids in with her and everyone else thinks we are weirdos. I don't think it really makes too much difference whether you are a LP or not, both me and my friend are married and have the kids in with us. My 4 x LP friends don't have their kids in with them.

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