to think she is being a spoilt brat or should we just go with it

(74 Posts)

dd (15) is organising for her and two friends to go on a night out, she is paying for this as a xmas treat, it was oriignally one local friend but now another friend Y who is roughly 5.5 miles away now is going too. dd is paying for all.
they will go to big town, 20 miles away.
we, or probably dh, will have to pick up in the evening. and bring home.
the furthest one away wants to be taken home, i say she can stay the night and easily get a bus to school next day, she refuses. she wants to be taken home.
now we will ahve to go 20 miles there -pick up, 20 miles home, but the brat less local girl Y wants anotehr 11 miles added to the journey.

i have suggsted perhaps dd goes with her original plan of just the one friend, or should we cowtow to demands of Y

now i know if she catches the bus at the same time to my dd, going in diffeernt directions, she can get to school on time, so that is not the issue.

she Never stays here, it is always my dd doing the running, as a history.

januaryjojo Thu 22-Nov-12 08:32:37

Oh, x-post Freddos smile

QuickLookBusy Thu 22-Nov-12 08:34:23

Do you know if the girl stays at other houses overnight?

If she does I would assume there's no medical or other serious problems and insist she either stays with you or doesn't come.

If she never stays anywhere overnight I would take her home.

notnagging Thu 22-Nov-12 08:34:38

If that was my daughter and someone had invited her out I would not be happy with them putting her in a cab late at night outraged. You obviously don't like her or her family very much op so why would she want to stay?

The bus journey shouldn't be a problem for a 15 year old but I still don't understand why you would rather have a sleepover on a school night than an extra 20 minutes in the car when you're out anyway. As a parent I would not allow my children to stay out all night when they have school the next day, is there something special (concert or something?) that they are going to, wouldn't it make more sense to do it on a weekend?

it is 5.5 twice btw, so 11

and yes it is a concert.

and i do like her mum - she is lovely and if she could i am sure she would do the same, so i guess i will ahve to grin and bear it.

cozietoesie Thu 22-Nov-12 08:42:01

I'd do it if I were you, slarty. It's part and parcel of making an evening 'special' for the girls.

HarderToKidnap Thu 22-Nov-12 08:42:41

So your plan has her taking her school uniform, school shoes, book bag, toiletry bag, PJs plus possibly whatever else she needs for school the next day to a concert? And doing what with it, dancing about with an enormous rucksack on her back? Doesn't sound fun to me and I wouldn't do it. I also wouldn't be happy with a 15 year old going home on her own in a minicab late at night.

I think you take her home or you disinvite.

werewolvesdidit Thu 22-Nov-12 08:43:00

Maybe she has a problem you don't know about - bedwetting/nocturnal epilepsy/night terrors/ a bad experience when staying at someone else's house. She might just want to keep quiet about it.

Can you tell that I hate sleepovers OP? grin

Lancelottie Thu 22-Nov-12 08:48:59

Yes, my first thought was bedwetting (surprisingly common even in late teens) and even if it only happened years ago it can put a child off risking it.

But we're rural anyhow, and it's par for the course to have DS2 call and say random friends have missed the one-bus-after-school and could I drive him/her/them home? (Favour more than returned last week when DH was ill, and my DCs needed to go to two different school events 25 miles apart!)

no my plan was for her to come here and dump her stuff and they all make their way there, and her stuff is here for when she comes home, but i will do as suggested, and make it special for the girls. smile and be nice

Very generous of your DD btw!

StillSquiffy Thu 22-Nov-12 08:52:28

As a child I was simply not allowed to sleepover. Ever. Even at 17 I was not allowed. Nor was I allowed to travel on trains (Uni interviews/open days had to be done via National Express). I was also not allowed to be out beyond 11pm, any day of the week. I used to live at the top of a hill 2 miles out of town, and so many times I would end up running up it in all my party gear and heels in order to get home on time. heels weren't too bad though, because Mum also had a 3 inch rule

And wild horses would have not got me to confess any of that to my friends. I would make up story after story after story to get away from admitting how strict my parents were.

I'd go with the flow as I'd be inclined to believe there was almost certainly underlying stuff here.

nokidshere Thu 22-Nov-12 08:52:37

I agree she might have issues that she doesn't want to share with her friends. Even now as an adult I haate staying at peoples houses because of problems I have - it would have been mortifying at 15.

catsrus Thu 22-Nov-12 08:55:53

One of my dcs friends used to get terrible panic attacks when staying at other peoples houses - her parents once had to get a cab to pick her up at 3am, and there were frequent long phone calls in the early hours when she sought reassurance from her mum. She did try hard to join in and get over it - and now has, but no way would she have stayed over on a school night or with people who didn't know about the problem. She only told some friends as she was so embarrassed about it - I have to say they really did all pull together to get her through it, but it took a few years and blighted parts of her teens. It also turned out to be hormone related - just before a period was worse and made worse by having once stained the sheets at someone else's house and being totally blush.

It's really not far to take your DDs friend home, I would certainly do it.

YABU - if she NEVER stays, then not staying this time isn't because she is being a spoilt brat/deliberately difficult. Clearly there are reasons you aren't party to, why she doesn't want to sleep over. This is her prerogative.

Your DD knew when she invited her that she wouldn't stay over - I think you just have to suck those 11 miles up if her parents don't have a car.

NotaDisneyMum Thu 22-Nov-12 09:05:45

I guess it's all relative - my local supermarket and DDs school are both over 11 miles away and concerts take a minimum of 2 hours to get to so I'm envious that you have a venue so close that your DD can go to, even on a school night! wink

TheCrackFox Thu 22-Nov-12 09:09:43

Stillsquiffy - your mum sounds very similar to mine, terrifyingly strict. I have to say it was not a good preparation for adult life as the first time I ever slept without my mum in the next room was when I started university. Very weird. I too would rather have died than have told my friends any of this.

sue52 Thu 22-Nov-12 09:26:40

Stick to your guns. That's a lot of running around to do and it's a bit much to ask when you have already had your night out paid for by a friend.

Journey Thu 22-Nov-12 10:02:56

I'd probably take the girl home because I'd prefer it to a sleepover.

One thing I don't get is why you're responsible for getting the girl home. Surely her parents should be sorting this out. Just because they don't drive doesn't mean they don't have the responsibility of getting their dd home safely. You've suggested the sleepover and if they don't like that then they can arrange a taxi for their dd. It isn't your responsiblity to run around after her while her own parents do nothing.

Startail Thu 22-Nov-12 10:10:00

I spend my life driving round the countryside delivering DDs places, 11 miles is neither here nor there it's 20 everytime DD1 wants to see her best mate.

No way would I enquire too deeply into why a 15 doesn't want to stay, thats their buisness.

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Thu 22-Nov-12 10:16:06

You sound absolutely mean - it's obvious there is a reason way beyond "spoilt brat" that's means she can't stay over - give her a break.

Lancelottie Thu 22-Nov-12 10:18:43

Oi, Izzy, be nice! OP is already picking up, her DD is paying for the treat, and she's aiming to make it special. NOT mean, just a bit miffed!

ClippedPhoenix Thu 22-Nov-12 10:29:17

I'd say the girl is uncomfortable staying at other peoples houses, which is more than fine. I'd also say that she might be a bit scared of going home on her own at night (I know I was at the age).

Just take the girl home for god sake.

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