To tell this woman to f off and buy her own dress?

(432 Posts)
charlmarascoxo Tue 20-Nov-12 21:29:39

I've worked with the same women "Wendy" for around 3 years now, and I am the same age as her daughter "Amelia".

Today Wendy asks me as if it would be possible for me to bring in my wedding dress to work for Amelia to borrow for her wedding. She explained that they were both struggling financially and that Wendy herself was in debt.

My DH has a good job and earns well and we were able to afford to have a lovely wedding and I was able to afford the dress that I wanted. Neither Wendy or Amelia were invited to the wedding, however I have been told by Wendy that they were both looking at the wedding photos on Facebook and how Amelia would love to have the same dress.

I am being a bitch if I refuse? My dress is so special to me and I don't want just anyone wearing it.

peaceandlovebunny Tue 11-Dec-12 23:49:46

'no, i don't feel comfortable with that'. or just 'no'.

gimmecakeandcandy Tue 11-Dec-12 22:57:59

Update op?!

ZillionChocolate Wed 28-Nov-12 08:55:08

OP YANBU. They were cheeky in the first place and A's behaviour since is appalling.

gimmecakeandcandy Wed 28-Nov-12 06:32:17

Any updates op?!

Ponyinthepool Mon 26-Nov-12 00:02:40

I haven't managed to read the whole thread so apologies if this has been raised.

It costs the best part of £200 to dryclean a wedding dress. You'd think she'd rather use that to buy her own dress than on cleaning one she'd scrounged? Which would indicate no intention to have it cleaned afterwards.

I feel for the groom.

ProphetOfDoom Sun 25-Nov-12 23:26:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

This is why I love Mumsnet.

<happy>

hermioneweasley Sun 25-Nov-12 22:21:49

I have loved this thread.

MerryMarigold Sun 25-Nov-12 22:08:22

Maryz, I'll be in your gang! The OP is selfish, Amelia is right! (although not entirely polite or prudent in pointing it out).

Ameila's mum Wendy's partner left her. Wendy was paying for the reception, but after the partner left was in financial difficulty.

OpheliaPayneAgain Sat 24-Nov-12 09:25:41

I'm lost!

Why does Amelia want the wedding dress if her partner left her?

Am I missing something?

DontmindifIdo Sat 24-Nov-12 09:23:58

Maryz - thing is, those facts are important to why they are asking - it clearly is that they were planning a large wedding they could only just afford, and now it's not likely the mum can still cover the costs that she orginally agreed to. That makes it seem more understandable why they are now asking to borrow the dress.

I think you do seem to be the only one who read that as if the OP was laughing at "Wendy" - more that it does explain why the OP understands Wendy isn't in a good financial position to help out her DD to the level she might have previously promised.

Maryz Sat 24-Nov-12 09:09:14

Yup, OTheHuge.

That's the bit I don't believe.

I'm not having a go at anyone, I just think it's all a bit farfetched, along with the spit in the coffee comment. I'm entitled to do that, aren't I? I would have gone off and left it, only that some fecker accused meof baiting and trying to get a gang together to back me up which is something I have never done confused

pigletmania Sat 24-Nov-12 00:19:22

That does nt sound smug Mary's, she was just stating factual information.

OTheHugeManatee Fri 23-Nov-12 23:51:19

Maryz - did you miss the bit where the daughter called the OP a selfish bitch? I'm not sure that fits within my scope of 'asking politely'.

Maryz Fri 23-Nov-12 23:00:46

"I've heard that Wendy paid the deposit on her daughters house. However whilst planning the wedding Wendy's partner left her and also left her in huge debt. Only a deposit was paid for the venue and they are trying to pay the rest off rather than lose all the money. The venue I've heard is costing around £16,000?"

That's where I thought you began to sound not quite so nice. It was as though you were laughing at her husband leaving then in debt sad. That, along with the facetious comment about her spitting in your tea.

And gimmecakeandcandy, I don't expect a gang to agree with me hmm. I post as I see it, I don't mind who agrees or not. The posts on this thread from the beginning have been exceptionally nasty about someone who asked, quite politely, for a favour, because through no fault of her own (her mum's partner) she is suddenly not able to afford the wedding she would have liked.

Hydrophilic Fri 23-Nov-12 19:39:15

YANBU, a reasonable person wouldn't have asked you at all. It's a strange question. I wouldn't lend ANY item of clothing to a stranger. People have different opinions on how an item is returned- some people think it is acceptable to not return it at all or return it dirty and ruined, whereas I think it should be returned in the exact same condition it was lent in.

I don't come across as smug, I think they have come across as entitled.

LadyMargolotta Fri 23-Nov-12 17:56:20

'I find it funny that I'm reading this thread next to an advert for wedding dresses'
that's probably not a co-incidence. Forums and emails get scanned for key words and relevant adverts are shown.

gimmecakeandcandy Fri 23-Nov-12 17:47:48

Op I wouldnt bother being bothered about what Maryz said, her plan for baiting has backfired... If anyone sounded smug it was her thinking she could round up others to agree with her! think I have seen that before too

I too think you should talk to your manager.

I find it funny that I'm reading this thread next to an advert for wedding dresses grin

mamamibbo Fri 23-Nov-12 15:25:32

"in case your bum smellsas bad as your attitude"
im crying now!

perceptionreality Fri 23-Nov-12 13:54:44

I also don't think the OP has appeared smug at any time. And as others have said, there are unfortunately plenty of people like Wendy and Amelia in the world.

DontmindifIdo Fri 23-Nov-12 13:13:07

Anna - you get it a lot in private sector as well, I work in an environment where PAs earning what normally would be classed as good money (around £30 - 40k) are working closely with partners and consultants earning at least £150k, most more like 2 - 3x that (plus large bonuses). It gives a warped sense of what is normal to spend on things and what "good" or "ok" looks like.

Also if you have a lot of friends who have done far 'better' than you, the idea of what sort of wedding you should have can be completely divorced from the reality of what you can afford. After our wedding one of my family discribed it as 'posh' and I was rather surprised, but then the year before a lot of DH's friends got married, many of them are very successful and they did do the hiring a stately home/exculsive use of 5* hotel type weddings. I thought ours had been rather simple and we'd made a point of setting a budget we could easily afford, but we spent around £20k, which is far more than anyone else in my family had ever spend on a wedding - in relation to what I'd got used to going to, it really wasn't what I thought of as a posh day. If we wanted to completely 'go for it' we could have easily have spent £16k on a venue and not felt we were doing anything outlandish compared to our friendship group.

charlmarascoxo Fri 23-Nov-12 12:40:33

Maryz it would be nice of you to point out where I have come across smug and entitled.

I don't mind people telling me AIBU, because I'm sure to some its just a dress and one I'm never going to wear again so why not. I also don't mind being called smug or entitled IF the person who called me that can actually back it up.

To those who wish to borrow my unicorn, I may lend him out but only if you promise to continue his diet of golden apples followed by swarovski encrusted sugar lumps.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 23-Nov-12 11:52:47

I don't think you've come across as smug. You'd have only got flack for "drip feeding" information if you'd mentioned your DH having a good job and so on later in the thread.

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